Skit: Missing "Gender"

I realize I don't talk about my gender much. I am non binary, neither female or male. I meet a lot of non binary people but none like myself. I meet a lot of trans people but none like me. Everyone else has spent a great amount of time thinking about their gender, trying to get to a concrete well flushed out definition. Gender is an integral part of who they are as a person. It's an important part of who they are. They dress a certain way because it helps them feel more like theirselves.

Then there's me. My dad never really treated me only like a girl. He did of lot of things a Dad would  stereotypically do with the son with me as well. My siblings never treated me just as a girl. My friends treated me as a mix most of my life. I've just been me this whole time. I never really stopped to think that I wasn't a female because nobody treated me as solely female. I never stopped to think if I was male or not because I've never just been treated as a boy. I'm treated the way I want to be by the people I love. I don't really care what outsiders think of me. Strangers miss gender me all the time but I don't care. I know I don't "look" whatever my actual gender is. I don't have a real grasp on my gender. I didn't have to think about it until I was 18. I was actually bewildered and confused when someone asked me what my gender was. Nobody had ever asked me before. I never had to think about it. I obviously have a gender but I still haven't polished it out. I'm going with generally non binary cuz it is the only one that feels similar to who I am. I know it's important to figure it out, because it's part of knowing who you are. But it's not going to change how I am, or how my friends treat me. It's more for strangers. Therefore, I'm not treating it with any urgency

Skittles: 3/19/19

I love Amoriartii but there is nothing I can do about that right now. I'm walking around lighter because I know Vendetta is currently out of the state. I've been not doing my job. I haven't been seeing a therapist. I'm really over weight. I met a boy and he's magical and I'm not really going to tell you all about him yet. I've been staying up till 3 in the morning. I've been sleeping until noon. I've been throwing up before I go to sleep (not by choice). I've been relaxing. I need to make a plan. I need to see my friends. I need to work more. I'm not ready for my birthday. I might not go. I'll think about some things and come back to them. I can't stay here forever and there is stress in not doing what I think I should be, But also I need this right now.

Skittles: life update 3/7/19

I'm dating Latka. I'm not in school. I'm applying for a job I don't know if I want. Taking my meds everyday is not currently happening. I don't work that often. I have a lot of friends that I don't see in person. I have a lot of anxiety over one person in my life. I'm still hurting. I don't have a friend that I go out and party with. I have wine nights every month. I'm looking for a new "friend". I'm heartbroken. I'm not going to therapy. I've stopped crying. I have feelings for Lovely that I can't shake. I miss Vendetta and regret giving her that name. I spend a lot of time alone. I'm definitely touch starved. I keep dreaming that Amoriartii dies and it ruins me. I am indifferent about dying and reluctantly living. I'm trying to lose weight. I spend my time being really gay.

Skittles: a pain worst than heartbreak

I struggle when finding out that I have made my friends uncomfortable. I love my friends more than anything in the world. They have back. They are loyal, loving, supportive and make me feel safe. I want that to go both ways. Heartbreak sucks but the guilt I feel when I hurt my friends is how people can tell I have a conscience. I go out of my way again and again to show up for my friends. I give them my food, my clothes, whatever, I'd go without so they can have. I know I need to change and I'm working with them to figure out exactly how. I also know that my guilt and shame are of no use to them and I need to deal with it. I need to pick myself up so I can do better. But that's were I'm at a loss. I'm devastated. I don't want to hurt people. I'm already intimating and scary, people feel like they don't have a choice around me, that it's my way or nothing. I deal with that. But my friends, they should know me well enough to know I care about their feelings, opinions, boundaries, thoughts and well being (physical and mental). I talk all the time about the fact that there is little difference between how I love a partner and how I love my friends. That's because they are both founded in the same respect, understanding, and personal investment theories. I am a better partner because my friends have taught me what true love is. Now finding out that people I've know for 5 or more years don't feel safe with me just decimates the foundation of the method in which I base all and every type of relationship. I've nursed these people back to health when they fell ill. I've taken these people home and tucked them in when they were black out drunk. I've been there for more heart breaks than I can count. I've spent nights snuggling asleep with them. They never said anything, out of fear, out of shame, I don't know. It's so fucked up to think they trust me to take care of them but not enough to tell me when I'm hurting them. They tell me everything, except that they are ahead afraid of me.

P.S.: To my Dear Comrades, Lovers, Friends, and Kink Family

It is hard for me to write this. Torn between professionalism and my deep love for each of you individually, I struggle not only with words but tone. So I write this, my letter of resignation, as private, intimate, and extremely personal break up letter. I am sorry. I am sorry for the hurt I am causing. I am sorry for sending KU to its all but certain death. I am trying to write this without excuses. I want to write it were I take 100% accountability for my actions. I messed up and deeply hurt someone I love with my actions, intentions aside, that is the truth and the point. Those actions, that moment, even now having drawn to a close, continues to hurt people. Each of you have become unwilling collateral damage. The people I will never reach, help, teach, etc have also been robbed and hurt. My love and respect for everyone involed, my ex and each of you is why I must leave. Abusers, regardless of thier intentions, have no place in our work. My presence is no longer a neutral one, I now jeopardize the safe space we try and create in our work. If I make someone uncomfortable because of my actions, my mistake, I must be removed. I love each of you so much to not burden you with the penance I must now pay. I have loved almost every moment I had the privilege of being your fearless leader. I love and cherish every moment I spent learning, growing, laughing, and bonding with each of you. I will miss this so much. There is so much I wanted to do.  KU deserves better. KU deserves something I am no longer capable of giving it. I will only hurt KU by staying so I must leave.  When you love something, or some ones, its/ thier happiness is just as important as your own. I want KU, you all, to be happy, with or without me, whatever KU/ you all need.  In order to do what it does, I must leave KU. I leave becuase I love KU. I love KU selflessly. I love KU because I love all of you. I leave becuase I respect all of you. Know that my love, even through no longer present, never waivers. It does not diminish. It is as strong today as it were yesterday, as it will be tomorrow. My love endures. Never doubt that I love KU, never doubt that I love all of you.
From the bottom of an overflowing heart,

J Skittles.

This, or some version of this, will eventually be sent. My now ex girl friend says I raped her. I do not deny the claim. I only want to add it is more complicated than it appears. In the future when she makes her claim public that is all I will say on the matter. I am not here for people sympathizing with rape perpetrators. This is not about me. The community's energy is better spent focusing on healing my ex. Helping her over come trauma. I refuse to take away from that. In turn being labeled an abuser I must leave projects, groups, and KU. There is no space for abusers in the spaces I use to inhabit.

Here however, I will speak because I have the space to do so without taking away. She says I raped her. I do not deny it. Her truth is based on the fact that during sex (after we had already started and where rather in the middle of things) she told me to slow down and wait. I did not because over the noise of the night, myself, and the music I didn't hear her. I herd nothing until she asked me if we could take a break, to which I of course said yes and stopped. To me when someone in kink ask/ tells me to slow down that means pause and check in unless otherwise agreed upon. Wait to me means the same thing. She knows this and I failed to do so because I didn't hear her. I did not intend to rape her, but I did. So it is not as clear cut as it may seems. When I herd her I acknowledged and stopped. I did not ignore her. But I am still responsible so I agree, I did rape her.

Its my birthday I'll get high if I want too.

I use to end almost every birthday in tears. Bring new meaning to "its my birthday, I'll cry if I want to." I would try every year to not end in tears. Despite all my preparation and hard work from 7-18 all ended in tears. Disappointment or just exasperated with still being alive I would cry. Every year I'm met with the same overwhelming existential dread. Why am I still here? I never thought I would make it this far. What am I supposed to do now? I didn't plan for this. Where do I go from her? My suicidal ideation doesn't really allow for long term planning. The farthest out I ever plan is 6 months, that's only for conference season. My 5 year plan would include my death so I don't plan. Every year I'm forced to reconcile my extreme dismay about my continued existence. I don't cry any more. At 19 I started to celebrate the fact that I made it this far despite all odds and very much not wanting to be here. I've been getting high since 21 and it helps with the suicide feelings. I also review the past year. I've been putting that off this year. 23 sucked. I broke up with Amoriartii and that consumed most of my year. I also started my relationship with Vendetta. That is all that happened this past year. My mental health kicked my butt from December to now. Life has been a struggle. I basically spent the year realizing there are a lot of skills I need. Out of all of then the skills I would like to work on at 24 are as follows: walking away, knowing when to quit then actually quiting, being less emotionally attached, and being honest about my feelings with people I know I can trust. I get a lot of praise for not being a quitter. Yet no one seems to recognize the adverse effects that has most of the time. It means not being able to walk away from toxic situations becuase you think it will get better or think that you can fix it. It means living with abuse becuase you won't let the abuser beat you.

I spent a lot of time thinking about how I'm like a fire. I'm a fire sign, fire is my element, my aora, and also dominates my zodiac. I am wild and often uncontrollable, extremely powerful, and can easily get out of hand. I often feel like I'm to much for people and my loved onse. I don't want to burn them or consume them. How do you cuddle or be friends with something so dangerous? On the other hand how do I keep people from controlling me to the point of suffocating? I don't want to smoother and put out. Balance is a hard thing to come by in my life.

The other part of me spent a lot of time thinking about water. Similarly powerful, life giving, easily abused, and goes with the flow.  I hate/love the water. Its so calming to me. It goes on for what seems like forevere. It is similarly dangerous and consuming. I think a lot about drowning in it. Not just in a suicidal way, but in a peaceful way. I think about becoming one with the water. Letting the world shape me, while slowly shaping it back.

My goal for this year of my life is to maintain and grow the healthy relationships I have. I've been putting a lot of work into have healthy relationships with lots of communication and expressing feelings in positive way. I want to pursue that. Here's to 24. Wish me luck?

P.S It's finally over

Trigger warning:
Suicide

Content warning:
Suididal ideation

Dear J Skittles (age 7-21),

I am writing this letter to us because I couldn't think of anyone I would send a letter like this to. I know that sounds sad that at in my twenties I don't have people to say goodbye to. That's not true though. I had plenty of people to say goodbye to. I Said most of my goodbyes in person. Of course they didn't know but I tried my best to get everyone to resolve anything that they have been holding back. I had a last super of sorts with all my siblings. I sent gifts to people who I said goodbye to but they are going to take this particularly hard.

I want you all to know we lived one heck of a life. We didn't finish our degree but we did start our research on the application of Nano tech in defense. Raytheon, our dream job, bought our research. All of our mentees are doing amazing. We started a non for profit and it has really taken off. We have traveled quite a bit. We went to Mardi Gras. We created a list of GSAs/QSAs in Chicago so that there can be more opportunities for Queer youth. I spent a lot of time really thinking about the life we've lead. I combed through it best I could. We've made mistakes, we let fear get the best of us, we've let pride get in our way, and we've been stubborn. We've loved fearlessly at times and haphazardly the rest of the time, we've been loyal, we've been a great friend, we've been a great mentor and teacher, we've been courageous, we've been bold, we've supported people/ organizations/ movements/ communities, and we've carried ourselves well. We made up with Gordic. We didn't lose Amoriartii, we're just changing. I can't think of anything we've done in our life that I regret now. I think my only regret is I won't get to be there for my closest cousin E. He's 5. He won't know me or remember me. I made a series of videos for him during the summer that I spent with him so that hopefully he will know that I loved him so much.

We are leaving lots of loved ones behind. Our Aunt C, Unlce J, and Cousin Lorn have become our substitute parents. We talk to them more than our actual parents. Our Fairy God Parents are living thier best lives. They make time for us if we ask but they don't check in like they use to. Mom, my dad's wife, my step dad, and Dad are all good health. They are going to hate themselves for not being able to do more but I wrote them something that hopefully makes it easier. Husband #7 is also doing very well. He moved and codes for a living, the pay is excellent. He's really happy. The siblings are all well. Our favorite might be getting married soon. Of course we are leaving behing our Chicago harem of mistresses and husbands. We are leaving our devoted followers of UIUC, Our international Queers, the sterotypical "good gays" of the west coast, our east coast gays, our black and brown babes, and my Space Federation of Genders. More importantly I'm NOT leaving any partners or dependats of any kind behind.

I'm in Brazil. Carnival has just come to a close and the city is returning to normal. Carnival was life changing. The pure joy that takes place during the festival is my second favorite thing about it. My first would be camaraderie, bonding, and love between complete strangers. At carnival if you avoid the tourist crap and go be with the locals you'll find what I'm talking about. During Carnival with them everyone is welcome and we are all one.  This country is so beautiful. The food is everything and more. I've been into the rainforest, what's left of it anyway. Despite humans being awful, the forest is so alive. The rainforest is its own city of animals, plants, and a few indigenous people. There is nothing more natural on land that is better than this. I climbed a tree! I took a canoe down part of the Amazon River. There is so much going on in the waters. I'm not brave enough to swim in it but it is incredibly what you can see just from the surface. The main beaches are always crowed. The lesser known beaches are breath taking. I can smell the salt in the air as soon as I get close. Night walks by the water are things right out of our dreams. The cities are remarkable. I've been to Sõa Paulo and Rio. The suburan and rural of Brazil are also picturesque. I've seen the slums. It is heartbreaking. The people are still so friendly. From a far the slums are aesthetically visually pleasing. However, when you're actually in them its different. Its still quite a sight but your are more aware. Its hard to decribe, from a far its pretty, when your inside there is a humbling and draws the humanity out of you.

I'm still in Brazil, on a cliff over looking the water. We've accomplished thighs we've never dreamed of, never knew existed, never thought we could, and worked hard for. I wanted to graduated and work my dream job, but we didn't get that far. I wanted to have more dogs we won't get that far either. We made it this far, and I for 1 think that's an accomplishment given the circumstances. We are living our dream. I am not afriad, not that I thought I would be. I am at peace for the first time in a long time. I am more than satisfied with the life we've lead and this has been a wondeful final chapter. Our suffering is over. Our pain is over. We will no longer be crushed by other's expectation for us. We will no longer be killing ourselves to try and meet our own unrealistic expectations for ourselves.
Free at last,

J Skittles 202?

This is a letter I will never send because time travel doesn't exist yet. It doesn't look like it will exist by 2030 either. This is why I haven't been to Brazil yet. It is the last place I want to go before I die. I want to die there. That has been the plan since I did a report on Brazil in grade school. Its hard to explain my suicidal ideation. I always want to die. The feeling just varies in intensity. The intent on actually carrying out a plan varies as well. I currently have no intent on going through with this during the '20s. Thus second reason I can't send this letter. Now wanting to die is also different than wanting to kill myself. If we did this on a scale from 1 (little to no desire) to 10 (extreme desire probably all I think about) the break down would go as follows:
Desire to die: 8
Desire to kill myself: 1
Intent on carrying out a plan to commit suicide: 1

That basically means I have little regaurd for my life and won't think twice about engaging in most risky behavior. But I'm leaving it up to chance. I'm not actively seeking out danger, I just don't run from it. I'm not planning to die so I can't send this letter. I'm just wishfully hoping.

Skittles: Heavy is the head that wears the crown

I had two calls today. One with Amoriartii, and the other with my Financial director for my org. Both hard.

I was mad at Amoriartii. I have been hurt and have said I've had enough and I left. Then in my opinion they threw a tantrum and tried to leave me. It has been hard. I needed to explain some things to my board about everything and Amoriartii wasn't there to give their side of the story and that was wrong. I also didn't want to futher the distance between us by asking them to be there and then it turning into a screaming match. So lesser of two evils but now everything is my fault because I'm in charge. I should have known better. I should have been a better friend too. Now I unintentionally hurt my friend. Amoriartii doesn't trust me anymore and that was a trust that was so hard to gain. I loved having someone I didn't have walls with. Now I'm outside. It is cold and it sucks. I am very confused how I got here. All the hurt that I've been through. I never left them outside. I can't tell them how to feel or how to cope but I hate this. I did not want to hurt them. I never wanted to hurt them, even when they hurt me. Even when I was mad. It's going to take a lot of work to get back. I don't think I'm willing to jump through those hoops again. I think this one is lost to the ages. My heart didn't really break when I left them in July 2017. My heart didn't break when they tried to leave me in November 2016. My heart is breaking now. I think Amoriartii is really gone. I think we are no more, not star crossed lovers, not more than friends, not even friend's. A part of me is gone. If you have ever realised you weren't whole until someone came along and gave you a piece of yourself you were missing, you have known this other worldly love. Never let that go. I am now incomplete. I met my missing piece. We were one soul, one existence, in two bodies. I am singular now. I am singular, incomplete, and broken.

I have also failed as a leader. I made something so broken, that it can't work with me as its head anymore. There is such an entanglement of professional and personal relationships that run through out. I think the worst one is with me as the lead. I am not in a healthy space where even if there wasn't such basis that I should be on sick leave anyway. I will do what I can to fix this. To grow this and make it work. While also finding and training someone to replace me. I am poison and I need to be removed before I kill what I love.

Daily struggles

Dear cat caller,
I understand you want to enter my vagina, " when you gonna to let me come stretch that pussy out?" If you have such an interest and being inside the vagina take up Buddhism. I doubt with yelling obscenities at people you will get much luck in this life time. I believe the only vagina you have ever stretched out in your lifetime is your mother's. I doubt you will get the chance again. However, if you get reincarnated you may be reborn as a nicer person, giving you the chance once again too stretch out a vagina. As birthing babies is a lot more taxing then a penis. Please do a size comparison if you doubt. If you would like to spend more time in a vagina, try to aim to be reincarnated as menstrual sponge/cup. Maybe a gynecologist. A maternity doctor or nurse. Or an actual uterus. All of these give you more time with the vagina if that is your specific interest.
Good Luck,

J-Skittles

Skitt: Yes I'm feeling 22

I didn't want to do that.  It's cliché. But Cyborg liked it so we are rolling with it. 

I'm another year older but I don't know if I'm any wiser or stronger for it. I feel stagnant. I did accomplish a number of great things with all the organizations I work with.  I traveled around the world to learn that life in cities of what Americans consider 3rd world countries isn't much different from the life I live. People are people and you can find something in common with almost anyone. I've traveled across the country to find that my reflection looks the same in rivers, oceans, and lakes; though the sun rises differently every place I've been. 

If I could go back and tell my 21 year old self what this year was like I would say we are still here at 22. The most important thing is I haven't given up on myself. My friends are still here and they haven't given up either.  The moment I have to start attending funerals instead of weddings, baby showers, anniversaries, or birthday is the day I start to unravel. At 22 I know I'm not ready for that. 

I learned I forgot how to love myself and that Cyborg's unyielding patience and love is teaching me how to love me again.  He is teaching me honesty and trust. While Amoriartii is constantly stifling that process. Such is love though. I'm am growing and it hurts. I am taking steps to be on the right path by 24. Each step a little harder than the last, but I keep walking. 
Life is hard and a lot of strife, but I live for the connections I make, the people I meet, the friends I make and have, and the new experiences that have yet to come ( good and bad alike).  Some days I swear are the best days of my life and sometimes I swear the dark clouds never end but I keep living. I don't feel as if I lived another year.  I feel more like I survived and that's okay. Sometimes we can't live the way we want or ought to. Sometimes we need to hunker down and survive. I did that.

The past 5 months have been not the best but more or less neutral. Cyborg was a big improvement. I have someone to love and who loves me back.  I laugh more becuase of him.  I spend more time in the sun becuase I'm by his side. I want to be able to do that on my own.

My goal for this year is to live.  By the time I turn 23 I want to say I'm living again.  I look forward to that. I just need to take care of me first then I can start again.  This year I will be taking a scheduled hiatus. I will be going to a rehabilitation facility to help me with my depression, anxiety, and my eating disorder.  ** side note: I did hint to the fact that I had an eating disorder a long time ago. Then I never mentioned it again. But I did mention it so you can't say I didn't tell you.  Go back and reread  my problem with the grilled cheese sandwich it's in there** I just need to dedicate myself to getting better instead of just managing the problems. I'm always afraid to do so becuase I know the world will be okay with out me and that is devastating.  I would be without internet, a phone, or my laptop and the outside world will keep going while I work on myself. I kind of wish it would stop and wait for me though.  I'm not comfortable with that and I doubt that I ever will be so I just need to go and take the month off. I will either go in July or December. I will hopefully know which by the end of the month.

I will also be doing a poem or short story once a week on Wednesdays in honor of poetry month. It was very therapeutic last year to do something similar. So I will try to keep to the schedule, missing as few as possible. But you already know I'm going to miss 50% . I acknowledge my shoty track record of posting on time

I'm 22 now and I may not be another year smarter, wiser, or stronger than I was before.  But I am another better. I learned, survived, laughed, and cried and I am better for it.

Skittles: MIA

I know I've been gone for a while. Not for lack of things to talk about but I have a new outlet for these things. I forget to share my opinion with you.  A lot has happened since my last post. I went to a trans movie viewing, new years happened, Creating Change happened, I got seriously involved in kink play,  Chicago shut down the magnificent mile with a black lives matter protest, I was diagnosed with anxiety, and I went to a polyamry workshop.  Because creating change just happened my relationship with Amoriartii got more complicated. So there is a lot to talk about I will not get to all of it. I will try to cover most of it in next month, posting every tusedsy. I'm going to try for you all. See you tomorrow.

J Skittles

Self love challenge: day ten

Even though today was a hard day all things considered. I still find it rather easy to write this now. 

1. I love that I love to work. Even if I was rich and didn't have to I would.

2. Patience is a virtue that I have.

3. I get along with others well. I  dislike a very few pepole for legitimate reason.

4. I like that I trust people until they give me reason not to.

5. I am very see through.

Self love challenge: day 8 &9

I feel overwhelmingly compelled to continue even though it causes me much stress and discomfort. I find things that I love about myself each day now and want to write it down. So I am going to continue for a few more days.

1. I love that my eyes change colors based on mood particularly when I am in love, my eyes lighten to the color of amber.

2. I am very child like

3. I can turn the activism off

4. I have an automatic clock that only doesn't work when I'm sick.

5. I love my smile

Self love challenge: day SEVEN!!!

Today is the last day of this challenge, and I have nothing meaningful or deep to say.  No grand take away here.  Maybe I did it wrong? I am over joyed that this challenge is over.  This was way harder than I thought it would be. I have a lot of things I am proud that I have done or been a part of. However, things specifically about myself that I like is in short supply. I really only had to name 35 things I love about myself, why was that so hard. After day four it definitely got a lot deeper and more personal. I had to find non superficial things I like about myself, which required a little introspection. If I had to list things I didn't like about myself the last would never end. I wonder why it is easier for me to tear myself down then to build myself up? I should be able to brag about myself, but alas. Next time I need things that I love about myself I wil have a list already made.

#cfsselflovechallenge

1. I love all of my scars. They tell my dark story that I really  never talk about but always think about.

2. I love to luagh, and if given the choice in the situation I will laugh instead of cry.

3. I can ask for help.  It's hard and I don't like to do it, but I can.

4. I love, leap, look in that order. Life is more interesting that way.

5. My motivations in life often lie outside my myself and that has kept me alive.

Self love challenge: day six

I am really happy I only have one more day.  I also decided I could add "negative" things to the list. The rules are I have to list things about my self I love or think it is worth celebrating.  As long as I love it, it can go on the list.  I will justify it for you, but mostly becuase I want myself to know why. 

#cfsselflovechallenge

1. I love my ADHD, I wouldn't want to be "normal.  My brain moves faster than ears can process sound. It fixates on things that everyone else would let go. But I understand stuff  that nobody else took the time to.

2. I love my language disability. It makes understanding and using spoken languages that much harder.  But I also notice how messed and inadequate up most spoken languages are becuase of it.  And it makes me better at ASL

3. I am almost legally blind.  My glasses make me look wiser. Also, I will soon have a handicap sign so I can park super close.

4. I'm stubborn. I have to learn things the hard way and don't often make the same mistakes twice.

5. I have the worst sugar tooth. Everyday is s treat yourself day.

Self love challenge: day five

#cfsselflovechallenge

1. I  understand and am capable of high edicate.

2. I understand code switching and the cultural relevance of dialects I use.

3. I think that if I was to be judge that I represent where I come from well. In think I reflect well on my parents, communities, and race.

4. I believe that everyone's definition of success has merit and is worth thier pursuit.

5. I love my friends like family, and am loyal to a fault.

Self love challenge: day four

More than half way there. WOOOOOOO!!!!! I know I'm not suppose to say this, especially about this challenge, but I'm so glad this is almost over. That basically says I'm counting down the days till I can hate myself all day again.  ( I spend about an hour on this challenge a day trying to just be positive about myself) Which is not the case. However, it is hard. Yesterday after I was done with the post I was thinking of ways to cheat, turn negatives in to positives.  Like instead of saying I'm stubborn say I stick to my conviction. But I'm not going to cheat. I want this to work for me. I would like this to have a positive outcome.

#cfsselflovechallenge

1. I am emotionally in tune.

2. I have been winning the war against depression/ suicide for  14 years.

3. I really appreciate how well I react and handle stressful situations.

4. I appreciate my self care.

5. I like that I bring and spread the joy.

Self love challenge: day three

This is a lot harder than it should be, and I consider myself a person who is good at self love.  When ever I start my list all I can think of is things that I hate about myself.  I hope I have some deep revolution by the end of this. 

#cfsselflovechallenge

1. I love music, and own a huge variety.

2. I'm a karaoke badass.

3. I love to dance

4. I am amazing at signing in the shower.

5. I have a huge appreciation for musicals, probably something about signing and dancing.

Self love: day two

#cfsselflovechallenge

1. I'm good cook.
2.  I'm great at baking.
3.  I love trying new foods.
4.  I like to travel, explore, get lost in a new place.
5.  I love to share a good bottle of wine with good folks.

Self love challenge: day one

Intro; so for six more days I'm suppose to name things about myself that I love or think are worthy of celebration. It's a seven day challenge and the goal is to introduce a person the the idea of exploring one's self through love.

#cfsselflovechallenge
1. I adhere to my own code/ self discipline.

2. I take all things into consideration when making a decision. Not just rational but emotional ramifications.

3. I form deep emotional connections quickly.

4. I love to mentor and share my life so that others may learn from it.

5. I have been published 5 times this year already.