skittles regrets

funny i'm the broken one but you're the only one that needs saving

I just wish he would stop pushing me away. you don't have to trust me ( I already know that's too much to ask of you),  you don't have to like me or care about me like I care about you, we don't even have to talk, just let me stay. DAM IT just let me be there for you. That’s all I want.  You don't know you need somebody. And if you do you're too proud and too scared to admit it. But I know and I am the only one here. So I guess I will have to do. Let me stay stop pushing me away. It hurts. 

                                                  Oh and by the way there are many thing I can look for in your eyes, your soul, feelings, you. But tonight all I was looking for was the truth. Did you mean what you said? Did you mean any of it? And I mean it’s not for me because it’s not about me. But I still need to know was any of it true. Because it’s about you so are you even telling you the truth?

                I know I let you in, and now you’re too close. This is my entire fault my feelings are a product of my own actions and choices. I know better than to let you in before you let me in. but I just can't shut you out. But I guess I will have to learn before I go and get hurt so I need to stop. (Just the thought alone hurts) so this is kinda about me but most of it is about you. Cuz even though it’s faint, I can feel you. I feel your pain. (I know you think I am crazy but unlike some people I am not lying at least not to you) the song is for you. 

-J skittles

skitt: when a women loves a person

it isn't bad enough that i need you in ways a can't explain and that other people can't understand. it is dam near disgraceful how much i trust you. you already know you know way to much. our friendship just isn't something quantitatively comprehensible. the system in which the two of us do more than co-exist, we help facilitate the others existence contains many other complex moving systems and parts. up to this point it has been a purely platonic relationship and could argue that it could stay that way as our relationship continues to progress and grow. but we are both to sexual for that. i mean when you put two highly sexual people in the same room.... together....... alone.......i am just surprised at our particular out come because it seems highly atypical that's all. i mean we have been best friends for a very short time because we haven't known each other for that long. but that doesn't seem to make us any less than best friends. we still have way to much fun with the simplest things than should be humanly possible. you still can't wait to tell me things and i diffidently can't wait to tell you. (they are the only one of my friends i have shared my blog with) 

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for those of you how aren't my best friend and are going to wonder why would you right this if they can read it. well one they are my best friend i already had a talk with them before i made this view able this is just all my before thoughts that may or may not be fallowed by after thoughts depending when or if i actually tell my best friend or not. two they probably knew before i said something or before i even finished writing this. see the problem is no matter how i try to hide or conceal they can read me like and open book. thus most of the time there is no point in trying to hide things from them. third and this is more for them than you guys the feels that i now realize i feel are eating me alive. like i can't just be content anymore. i want to be with them if i can. if i can't cool but if i could or should be with you i won't be happy doing anything else. as you can see i should be doing math homework but i am writing this cuz i am so distracted. GRAHHHHH!!!!!!!!

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we are best friends who happen to be really attached to one another. i am almost angry that i have come to the realization that i love you. because what was simple and true is now much more involved and complex  not to say it wasn't already but it wasn't to us. to other people our relationship is strange but what do we care cuz it works for us. but now idk if it will still work. because the reason why it worked is there was an open dialogue between us. no secretes. we didn't keep things from each other. we would tell everything if given the time to come to terms. but i can't come to terms with loving them. loving them just isn't something i should do.  its not something that should be happening. and i can't tell them about it. and i dam sure can't tell anyone else. i think this would be the one thing we would dance around. but they have to know, and they have to know that i know they know. but i really want to know is have they realized as well. i guess if i have to ask the answer is no. i don't know if they'll ever know the clarity of thing that i do.  to one day be able to wake up look back on their life and look at where they are now and go i am in love with her. but i don't know if i want them to realize or not. because its hard. its really hard loving them and trying not too ......

Skit: I'm back

Let me start off by saying i am super sorry that I was gone for so long with out reason. i didn't even leave a note saying i was going to be gone. I apologize. i also didn't realize i left with leaving a bad taste in your mouth. i just realized what the post before this one was and i was like oops. i should have done a fallow up about that especially since it doesn't have a notes section or a title and is written in red. i am really really truly sorry. But i have good reason ( and bad reason) for being gone so long all of which i will share with all of you. but not right now because i still have a million and one things to do. do you remember those lazy Sundays or lazy any day of the week i use to have where i could sit and write those don't exist anymore. I mean they do but they are few and far between so if i do post they will deferentially be shorter. unless i go off on some long tangent and loose track of time and my train of thought.but i do have thought and explanations and several post to write for all of you. plus 2 or 3 holidays to make up for. will do arbitrary holiday make up post. I have a day planned in the near future will sit down and write out several post so that should take us through march. but we might not have any more post for February . its a short month anyway. with all of that said i do have a song for you through , check this out. i love these Queens so much i laughed so hard at this video and its super catchy. oh it is not appropriate for young young child people so watch where you watch this.

STAY FIERCE until i return again