Skit: Creating Change DC

We don't need two Human Rights Campaigns. I have a more love hate relationship with the Task Force. They are starting to censor us for the sake of money. I get that. I do something much smaller, and money means a lot to us. We can't do what we do with out coin. I've always been the one to tell my people to do what they want, say what you want, I'll deal with the aftermath after. Its easier to say sorry than ask for permission. That doesn't always work out in the long run. It is a very much short term plan. However, refusing to let there be any workshops about Palestine is clearly taking a side and repressing conversation for the money. That's crap. I hate that. I hate that they are trying to put an age on learning. Like my workshop is about kink. There's no sex, genitals, or graphic images at all. We keep it very pg 13. I learned about kink at 14. Our workshop also focuses on consent and dialogue. I wish I learned about that earlier. I was introduced to it by the people I work with, who I created this organization with at 19. There was a 5 year gap between being introduced to kink and understanding it in a healthy way. I don't care if they go home and start doing kink, because kink is not sex. But I want them to understand power dynamics before they find themselves in a very complicated personal one. I want them to understand consent and how to talk about what you want and need before they get into complex sexual situations where these tools are needed.  I started having sex at 16, before I knew it was suppose to be a conversation. Also our leader and the person I worked closely with left this year. She is the reason we exist. She has always had our back. I need to keep more friends inside than ememies to make this an organization worth my time and one more is gone. Also the personal classist exchange I had when I got there just left a really bad taste in my mouth. I'm worried about where the confernce its self is headed and I'm not going to sit back and let something that can be so great burn. I'm going to try to help save it. However, when I fall on closed minds, I will take this as far as it is useful for us then leave, with no rerets. I hope they can learn before they become outdated.

Skittles: I'm scary/ intimidating/ *insert any word that means too intense and frightening*

I get this a lot. People don't talk to me because I'm hard to approach. I give off the air of confidence. I have a lot of energy. My vibe is intense. I'm also black. I'm queer though I think I read cis het. I'm smart and it is hard not to hear that or see that. I demand a level of respect because I know my worth. I will not be talked to any type of way. This has been a benefit most of my life. I'm not harassed on the street. People don't talk to me unless I want them to. I choose who I'm around, nobody decides this for me. It works in my favor in almost every aspect of my life accept for my personal life. It is hard for me to make friends, and hard to have romantic relationships. Vendetta is afriad of me. Not because I've done anything to her but just because of how she sees me. That hurts. I'm so much more than meets the eye. Outside of my social security bubble I strink. I am a wall flower in a room of strangers. I know nobody dares to approach me. I don't know how to engage with people I don't know without having the ability to run back to my safe bubble. I'm super sensitive. If you're important to me your opinion matters to me. Thier words/ actions or lack there of carry a ton of weight. The more I trust someone the more they are able to hurt me. Vendetta doesn't see the fear, hurt, pain, vulnerability, anxiety, and isolation. She sees what almost everyone else sees, this superhuman/ devin deity. I am capable of everything and anything. I'm impervious to her. I don't have a kryptonite. I want her to see me as human. I make mistakes, I get hurt, I get scared, and I have no clue what I'm doing 90% of the time. She talks about her other partners as people, well more like lovers. People that she sees herself on the same playing field with, for the most part. (One kinda gets a pedestal for a hot second but then she's a person again). There's a level of comfort there. She's known both of them longer so I get that. Its time. But the constant contrast is here now. I know not to compare but its so hard. I think I just need space from the others. Which sucks because it means I'm going to miss a lot. I'll miss her shows and hanging out in public. However, it won't leave me feeling neglected and less than, which is where I'm at now. It's lonely at the top.

Daily struggles

I've never been super religious. God and I have a relationship but not lables. I'm in such a place with my current mental state, not as a whole but as a daily evaluation, where I'm like its going to take more than the splash of Holy Water that Cool Pope gives out to clean me of my sins. I need a queen like lavish bath of Holy Water, plus other religious cleansers, and some tribal medicine to align my chi/spirit.

Daily struggles

I don't like hierarchical systems, but I am second to no one!

Daily struggles

Me: I feel like crap
Brain: well if you take your medicine regularly...
Body: if you didn't eat like crap and maybe got some exercise.
Me: ugh! Why do I feel like this?
Brain: take your freaking prescriptions every day!
Body: feed me actual nutrition!
Me: I guess we'll never know. Back to sleep
Brain and Body: Nooo!!!!! Get your life together!

Skittles: POC's carry thier history with them and sometimes it comes out in unexspected ways

I have had a lot of feels about Moana. I have personal feelings about "How far I'll go". I have mad wondelust. If you let me go, if I could just go, I might never come back. I want to explore everything. I want to see it first hand. I want to get as close to feeling it as I can. I am peopleless. There are POC people that have a story. They can trace it. Maybe not their lineage exactly but they have land they know their people came from. I don't have that. I know I'm West African and some Indigous, but I don't know which tribe. I don't know which country in Africa, what people in Africa. I wonder also hoping to find my people one day. I watch Moana and I get all the feelings, not because I'm a Pacific Islander, but because that is as close as Disney or any movie that I've seen has gotten to getting any Indigous culture right. This is as close as I have gotten to seeing my people on a screen. I know I will never get a West African Disney princess. I can dream but I don't see it happening. I get cultrally adjacent feelings. I don't know what it like to finally see you're people on a screen, but I'm getting close. This movie for me, a POC, bisexual, non binary person reminds me that there is a way for me to honor my ancestors in my identity, some how. I just have to find it. There is a way for me to be feminine and masculine at the same time that's not stepped in colonialism. There is a way to do it our way. There is a way for me to be neither in a way that doesn't repesent the oppressor.

I think I can do that by taking some cues from my hair. I have permed it more than a few times in my life time trying to conform to western beauty standers. Even when I perm my hair, when it gets wet it still curls. not as much but, it refuse to be completely straight. It refuse to be broken, it is strong. My hair will not been to the will of white standers. I just realized this. My hair has survived everything I have put it through. It is resilient. My hair is the closes thing I have to knowing my ancestors. They were strong, resilient, and full of spirit, because if they weren't I wouldn't be here. If I could personify my hair that person would represent my ancestors. I want to continue their legacy. I want them to know that all they went through was not in vain. I maybe be lost but I'm trying so hard to find my way back. I will make them proud.