#Realness Part 1

I have been out and proud since I was 14 years old. My queer identities have been evolving with me. Over the years I've learned, I've gotten more involved in activism, I've started mentoring, and I've given more thought to my idenites. However, it's not rainbows, butts, happiness, and glitter. Middle sexualites ( I'll explain that term later) and any gender that is not strictly male or strictly female (male and female being binary genders) get a lot of shit from within the community and outside the community. I'll be focusing on the sexualities in this one. I'll do another that talks about the genders. Queer is the only sexuality that is also a gender identity. Queer is the only identity that falls within the middle sexualites that doesn't get hell from inside the community. Queer is also 1 of the 2 gender identity that isn't strictly a binary gender that also doesn't get hell from with in the community, the other being 2 Spirit. (I think it's because 2 Spirit is from the American indigenous community and we know better than to shit on indigenous communities.)

What are middle sexualites? Anything that's not completely homosexual, heterosexual, or asexual. Demisexual is part of the Greyscale identities not technically a sexuality. Why is asexual a sexuality and not just part of the Greyscale idenites? Asexual does two things at once. Asexual explains who you are sexually attracted to which is what makes a sexuality. It also says how sexual you are which is a grayscale identity. So if it explains who you are D2F then its a sexuality. If one doesn't identify as completely homosexual, heterosexual or asexual or one doesn't identify as gay, straight, lesbian, same gender loving or opposite gender loving then they would fall into the group of middle sexualites.

Let's start with what I believe the most common middle sexuality outside of Queer, Bisexual: Pride flag (from top to bottom) Pink, Purple, Blue. I know it seems everyone loves Bisexuals but if you openly identify as Bi you know that's not true. First of it gets the bad rap of being a phase. This has lead to a lot of discrimination even within the bisexual community. In my experience people think its a phase because gay men come out as bisexual first before fully coming out as gay. There are many different reasons for this, safety, easier to for some people to accept, internalized homophobia, etc. Some women do this too, before coming out as a lesbian, or while experimenting with female sex. This leads to people seeing bisexuality as a phase, that were confused, just having fun, or we haven't made up our minds yet. Bisexuals do this to newly out Bisexuals too. We don't believe people because we feel like they are just using the identity to slowly lead their loved ones into acceptance. Its not fair to deny someone their safety just because we bisexuals really hate the stereotype. Also sexualities evolve, maybe at some point someone was bisexual but now they are something else, that's fine. Bisexual men are hard to find and probably have it the worst. Most straight women don't want to be with a guy who has been with a guys. I think this comes from the AIDS/HIV epidemic. Gay men who weren't out would be having sex with other men and then go home to their wife or girlfriend. This lead to women getting HIV/AIDS because the men weren't using protection with the men or their women. So women had to werry of men on the "Down Low" aka not out and having relationships with women. This stigma hasn't gone away despite the drop in new HIV infections in the States. What I hear is that gay men don't like bisexual men because gay men are misogynist. In college my fellow gay male students were disgusted by vaginas.

*Side Note*
One of my gay friends, a fellow college student, asked me "How do you put your mouth down there (on a vagina)? Aren't you worried it (the vagina) will bite you?" I can not make this up, he honestly thought the vagina has teeth. Many of them had so many misconceptions about vaginas. Here are some of my favorites: Pee comes out of the same hole the penis goes in and babies come out| There is dried blood in there from our periods| Teeth| All vaginas smells and taste like rotting fish| No part of the vagina helps a person with one orgasms| Periods are like that scene in the shining where the wave of blood comes out of the elevator| Clitoris? What's that?|
*Side Note*

Most gay men don't know much about the vagina and are repulsed by them. Thus gay men really don't want a bisexual man that has ever been in a vagina. So bisexual men usually are forced back into the closet. When they are with women they say they are straight. When they are with a guy they say they are gay. Before you say isn't that true through? No! That's not how that works. When I'm with a man I'm still bisexual. I still find women sexually attractive. When I'm with a woman, I'm still bisexual. I still find men attractive. My partner doesn't dictate my sexuality, I do! Female identified bisexuals have slightly different problems. I, as well as all my female bisexual friends, find it hard to date men. So many guys here the words "Bisexual lady" and think threesome. Let me just say bisexuality does not mean we have any interest threesomes. Bisexual females are not here to fulfill your sexual fantasies. Please stop asking bisexual women to make out for your pleasure, or say its okay for them to sleep with women outside of your relationship as long as you can watch. Bisexual women are not living sex objects. Bisexuals are not more likely to cheat. I have been turned down by so many lesbians because they are afraid I would cheat on them with a man, or leave them for a guy. I've never been a cheater. Bisexuals are no more likely to cheat than anyone else. All Bisexual are not hypersexual. There are some, but that's the case for almost every sexuality. Bisexuals are not hornier, having more sex, or lustful than anyone else. Each bisexual is still a unique person. There isn't some giant factory churning us out like cell phones. Not all bisexuals have a preference of gender. When I came out at 14 I preferred women to men (80% -20%) until I started college. At 18 in college I preferred men to women (85%-15%). Since 22, I don't really have a preference, I just like them extremely Queer looking. Finally bisexuals aren't bisexual to be greedy. We didn't wake up one day and say "why not be able to have sex with  everyone?" Its difficult to be out and hook up because most people think we have sexually transmitted infections or don't want to sleep with a bisexual. Bisexuals have this problem of never looking "queer enough". In queer spaces we are usually read as straight. In straight spaces we are usually read as queer. Unlike gay and lesbian there is not stereotypical way to look bisexual, so we go unseen. Erasure is a huge deal. We just want to be accepted and not judged like everyone else.

Oh wait there's more! There is obviously more than two middle sexualites or there wouldn't be conferences fouced on them. There would be a lot less Pride Flags, I know of at least 22. Also humans are very complexed animals and we different terms for the slightest difference in nuances.

Pansexual: Pride Flag Pink, Yellow, Blue.
Pansexual officially means you are attracted to a person, regardless of gender. I understand it to mean one doesn't care what's in a person's pants or what gender they identify as just if they are sexy. What pansexuals find attractive maybe physical or it might be a person's personality. I think based on definition there are way more pansexuals than any other sexuality.  However, not everybody who subscribes to finding people sexy regaurdles of their identify as Pan. At one point I was definitely Pan, but I had already grown attached to my Bi lable and the colors of the Bi flag. Pan people get the immature comments all the time 1]"So your attracted to kitchenware?" They also get the same question all the time 2]"How could you not care what gender your partner is?" They also are asked if they have a preference 3]"Okay but which do you like more, penis or vagina more?" Since pansexuals are defiantly tired of answering these questions I'll answer them as a comrade  on behalf of Pansexuals: 1]" I don't fuck pots but I can fuck you up with a cast iron pan." 2] "They are an amazing human who treats me like royalty; all I generally care about is what we are having for dinner and watching on netflix before they rock my dam world all night long." 3] "Why you trying to fuck?" Respect people and stop being a dick.

Polysexual: Pride flag Pink, Green, Blue. The technical definition for Polysexual is attracted to more than two genders but not all genders. Every Polysexual is different. Just because two people are both polysexual doesn't mean they are attracted to the same genders. For example a polysexual person could be attracted to females, genderfluid people, and agender people. That is more than two genders but not attracted to all, because male isn't in there, neither is non binary, plus countless others that aren't those three gender identities. Polysexual is always confused with polyamory. Polyamory is drastically different in that's it's not a sexuality but a type of romantic relationship structure. Polysexual is also confused with Pansexual. I think people think Polysexual is Pan because of one's limited knowledge of gender identities. Pan is all, Bi is technically two, and Polysexual is more than two but not all. Within the community some see Polysexual as transphobic. That's not true. The only way for a Polysexual person to make their identity transphobic is to make it Cisgender specific. So Cis male, Cis female, and either 2 Spirit, Male/Female Bigender, or Male/Female Genderfluid.

*Side Note*
People who identify as the last 2 gender identities I listed, in my experience, usually don't seek gender change related medical treatment and don't always identify as part of the trans community ( despite the identities technically falling under the trans umbrella). This does not hold always, and might not even for the majority of people who identify as those two specific gender identities. This is just what I have observed in my friends who identify as Male/Female Bigender, or Male/Female Genderfluid.
*Side Note*

If a polysexual person makes those distinctions then yes they are being transphobic. However, that is not the majority of Polysexuals. Let them live and love.

Gynosexual: Pride Flag possibly Pink, Maroon, Green. Androsexual: Pride Flag possibly Blue, Brown, Purple. These two identities are fairly new to me. I had a hard time finding there flags on the internet. I was able Androphilia and Gynephilia, terms used in behavioral science but that's slightly different. Andro means attracted to masculinity, Gyno means attracted to femininity. Andro does not mean strictly attracted to male identified people. Someone who is androsexual could be attracted to butch (masculine) lesbians. Gynosexual could mean attracted to flamboyant (usually feminine) gay men. This is a broader view on sexuality as it relates to gender and presentation. In my opinion they are too new (the words for the idenites) to be discriminated against.

Finally there is Skoliosexual/ Ceterosexual: pride flag Yellow, Green, Pink, White, Black. This is probably the closest sexuality to my actual sexuality. I understand it as Non-Cis people attracted to other Non-Cis people. Isn't that just homo? No. There are so many Non-cisgender identities. The easiest way to explain it is a specific subset of Polysexual, even though its not. Why is it not Polysexual? Polysexual has nothing to do with your gender. You can be any gender and be Polysexual. You have to not be Cisgender to be Ceterosexual. This is too much. Why so many complex nuances? I agree that we humans are much to complex. I vote devolving and becoming Bonobos, but I digress. If you couldn't guess this one gets flack for being slightly ( but very importantly) different that all the others. There is fighting about the name, something about Skolio's meaning in Latin and/or Spanish. There is fighting about the definition. There is fighting about the fact that it can be seen as self fetishizing. I propose we take a lover not fighter approach to sexuality 😉. Might get more accomplished.

This is by no means all the middle sexualities. These are just the ones I know the most about. These are also the ones that have made it or have almost made it to mainstream. "Made it" is extremely subjective. My rule is if I can say it at one of America's main queer conferences and the majority of the attendees are familiar with the term. Despite what's going on, the generations coming up are queerer than ever before. The majority of queer teens identify as a middle sexuality. It was 1 in 10 people were Queer when I came out. I think it's like 1 in 5 or something now. Middle sexualites are the majority in the queer community but you wouldn't know based on representation. Or based on what you see. Why? It's hard to be visibly any of the middle sexualities because there's no dress code (stereotype around what we look like). Why aren't we in media? That require giving queer character's a story line and probably some character development. Why? It would require a lot of air time to develop multiple relationships to let viewers know the  character is not homo or hetero. Even when they do get air time everyone forgets. No one remembers Arizona from Grey's Anatomy is bisexual. Also Arizona gets cheated on, she never cheats. A character would have to be constantly kissing many different people of different genders, wearing a shirt, having a sign, run around with a flag, or something ridiculous. Just remember it's not all gay men, butch lesbians, and drag queens. We exist, and we’re among you right now. Closer than you think.

Daily Struggles

I changed my phone background to a different picture that still reminded me of Lovely. I can't bring myself to change their name through 😞

Skittles: How much more can I loose? How much more hurt?

I have to change Lovely's name in my phone from thier nickname to thier actual name. I also have to change my phone background becuase they are my background. I'm a little more than a little attached to both the nickname and the background. I thought I was over the having romantic feelings for them. It turns out I was just finally satisfied in how close we are and our level of intimacy. It is comforting to look at them everytime I look at my phone. But I'm scared to show them. I'm scared for them to find out. I don't want them to think it's weird. But it hurts to loose this. It hurts cuz I'm romantically invested. I know I should be. I honestly can't bear the thought of losing them right now. I lost my soulmate, I lost my girlfriend, I lost my community, I can't loose them too. It already hurts too much.   I can't loose all of the love in my life. I'll be empty. I can change and I can let go of these two things, but not right now. Right now this is my daily comfort in days filled with pain. This is all I can do to cope.

I'm bleeding, broken, and in pieces on the floor. Please don't hurt me any more by leaving. Don't leave me yet. Just stay a bit longer.

Skittles: my best friend is the GOAT!

Me: did you hear about Trump's space force?

Husband #7: No 😕

Me: I think we're (America's military) going to be the Sith now! I'm joining the dark side.

Husband #7: No! Be a Jedi. You know you should be a Jedi

Me: But the Sith have better toys and unlimited resources.

Husband #7: Yea, but they are EVIL!

Me: Their lightsabers are cooler.

Husband #7: No. They are dumb and unpractical.

Me: But if I designed a lifesaber, you know it would be extra for no reason. I also the Jedis don't have chocolate.

Husband #7: Yes they do!

Me: No. They're always lost, stranded, or poor. They're always eating space rations. There's no chocolate in space rations.

Husband #7: If you were a Jedi you would learn not to need chocolate.

Me: But I'm not a Jedi now. Jedi " Help stop corruption, injustice, and save the universe." Darkside " We have unlimited chocolate and unlimited money." And that is how I was convinced to join the Dark Side.
...

Husband #7: I don't ignore people.

Me: You ignore me all the time.

Husband #7: You deserve it!

Me: So does he!

Husband #7: No he doesn't. If I ignored you until Monday my phone catch on fire.

Me: So. Do it anyway.

Husband #7: That's mean, you fascist sith lord! You've ignored me for a week.

Me: First off, I ignore you for a month every year, get it right.

Husband #7: What?!

Me: Yes, every year in October.

Husband #7: J used ignore, it wasn't effective.

Me: How could you not notice?

Husband #7: I miss things in my life all the time.

Me: How could you miss a month of me not stressing you out?

Husband #7: You don't stress me out.

Me: awwww 😄 really?

Husband #7: No, not anymore. Only when you send my phone 37 messages, leave 10 voicemail, and 15 missed calls. I worry cause I think your dying or there is disaster. But its usually cuz you saw something cute.

Me: True but you need to know.

Husband #7: Or I'll get one very short text message that reads "so I'm thinking about cutting one of my fingers off... Maybe the ring finger?" And I'll call you and you don't answer for like 30 minutes.

Me: I'm busy making sure that's the right choice or looking for something sharp.

Husband #7: This is why I stress.

Me: You haven't noticed since 2012 that every year for a month that it stops?

Husband #7: Why you ignore me for a month anyway?

Me: The first year we were at University together you did something really small that pissed me off. I learned that if I didn't take time away from you every year I might try to kill you. Which would not end well for me.

Husband #7: You mean when I burnt your $0.20 rainbow bracelet.

Me: Yes.

Husband #7: So every year in anniversary of the bracelet you ignore me?😂

Me: No. I ignore you so I don't go all sociopath on you.

Husband #7: You might want to work on that.

Me: Are you dead?

Husband #7: No.

Me: Have I tried to kill you?

Husband #7: No. I'm a very nice person what did I do to bother you?

Me: You piss me off all the time. Don't let me run with scissors, make me vegetables, stop me from killing people, make me take vitamins, don't let me steal diamonds or Bugattis, and don't let me drunkly pilot aircrafts.

Husband #7: Your life sounds miserable.

Me: If you weren't being sarcastic I would say that you finally understood me. Its stressful. I try to out run the police in Prius and you don't let me. Then when I try to do it anyway you put me in a burka.

Husband #7: I'm such a monster. I can't wait to see you this weekend.

Me: I hate you too 😍

Daily struggles

The United States is being scolded by Saudi Arabia's news outlets for what the United States government is doing to undocumented children. This is the country that just let women drive. That finally publicly supported their female athletes in the Olympics. Women are still under men's control under the kingdom guardianship law. People are legally beheaded with a sword as the main form of execution. People are occasionally legally stoned to death as another form of execution. This is the country that we are being scolded by for human rights violations. I am so ashamed of my country. I thought we would have learned from slavery. I thought we would have learned from Japanese internment camps. I thought we would have learned from fighting Nazis. I thought we would have learned from the Geneva conference. I thought we would have learned from Nagasaki. How many times do we have to do repeat the same mistakes?

Daily Struggles

The ever-evolving reason for why I left Amoriartii:
1) they said they didn't love me and they didn't change their story when I gave them the opportunity
2) they broke the only rule
3.) No one likes them and everyone told me to
4) I told them it was over and they acted like I would come back
5) I deserved better
6) I hated them for not choosing me. Even though I told them not to choose me.
7) I love them and I make it harder for them to accomplish their dreams.

Daily Struggles

It's summertime in the city and everyone's being shot. Also there is a serial killer on the loose.

#MeanGirls She doesn't even go here. You can't sit with us.

Gate Keeping and Identity Policing within the Queer community

There are many feelings on who should attend Pride and who is welcomed at Pride. These feelings have led to a lot of community policing around identity and erasure of other identities; making people feel unworthy and rejected. Those feelings of unwelcomness and rejection has led to a lot of hate towards people the queer community feel are invading, abusing, and/or should be unwelcomed in queer spaces. Is also led to a great divide within the queer community itself. There have been articles on do's and don'ts for non queer people if the attend Pride and events around Pride. Many Queers believe that non queer people shouldn't even be at Pride or our events. I was originally part of that group. I thought that non queers shouldn't be at Pride or events specifically for us. However, when I thought about it there are several groups of non queer people I want at Pride+ (pride and other queer events) and I feel should be welcomed into the queer community.

Children of queer parents are welcomed. Supportive parents, guardians, siblings, and family of queer people are welcomed at pride+. Any supportive friends and chosen family who don't tokenize said queer person are also welcome at pride+. It means a lot to me when my siblings come to pride with me. I would feel completely accepted and would love it if my mom ever came to pride with me. It would mean so much that she showed up for me and she's willing to publicly support me. It is important for our well-being as people to feel loved and accepted. It is life-changing/saving if your social support network supports you. We should never take away the opportunity for someone to prove their love for their queer loved one.

Straight people in meaningful relationships with queers should also be at Pride+. If I have a cis hetero male partner, I would want him to come to Pride with me. I'm still bi no matter who I am with. I would want my partner to support me. Romantic partners of asexuals, platonic or sexual partners of aromantics, and partners of any people who identify as one of the many middle sexualities are all welcome at Pride+. Partners of trans, gender fluid, agender, non-binary, or any non cis gender identity are also welcomed. Why would we deny a queer person the right to bring their non queer partner to an event that celebrates said queer person? Partners of/people in important relationships with queer people are allowed to celebrate and support their person or people.

People honoring the memory or legacy of deceased loved one are welcomed as well. Trans women of color murdered everyday. Queer suicides have increased since Trump took office. Those honoring the thousands we lost to Aids. People honoring the ones we lost at the Pulse Nightclub. The dearly departed shouldn't be forgotten. There is a time to mourn, but after a person is done mourning they should definitely join us in celebrating their loved one's life. They are needed at Pride+. We need to remember why we need to be seen and why we are fighting.  We need this particular group to remind us where we have been, to push us so they didn't die in vain, and to keep us moving forward. Please come. We need you.

Therapist, psychiatrist, lawyers, healthcare professionals, should  be marching in the dam parade. We need these resources. Being in the parade to let us know that these professionals are accepting, welcoming, and know a little about the queer community and how it relates to their field would be great. I would love to see. Y'all are welcomed at Pride+.

Other activist groups that are actually accepting of queers and trying to do better should be at Pride+. Black Lives Matter, Assata's Daughters, BYP 100 (Black Youth Project 100),National Council of La Raza, Hispanic Access Foundation, Hispanic Federation, Asian Youth Services, Red Earth, Survival International, First Nations Development Institute, Empowered Pacific Islander Communities, Asian Pacific Islander American Public Affairs, National Coalition for Asian Pacific American Community Development (CAPACD), Inner-City Muslim Action Network, Islamic Society of North America, Muslim American society, Institute for Middle East Understanding, The Arab American Action Network, National Network for Arab American Communities, groups against domestic violence, groups against sexual violence, groups fighting for people with disabilities, Planned Parenthood, intersectional feminist groups, groups Pro reproductive Health rights, group supporting homeless youth, pro-palestine groups, etc. Queer people are not just one-dimensional so a celebration for us shouldn't be either. I already said support is life-changing / saving. It is critical to have these groups to cater to the entire person not just their queerness at Pride+.

Finally comrades not allies are also welcome at Pride+. The community has been making a distinction between the two. Allies show up but are often problematic as they do not support the entire queer community usually just gays or lesbians. Allies often don't support trans people. Allies tokenize gay men normally through micro aggressions like calling someone thier Gay best friend or calling themselves a fag hag. Allies go to gay bar and try to dance on gay men who clearly aren't interested. This is especially true for female allies escaping the harassment of straight men at non queer bars. These women end up becoming what they are escaping in our eyes. Comrades, on the other hand, fight with our community, support all of us,  dont tokenize us, listen, try to understand, constantly / willing to learn, doesn't take up space ( meaning in queer spaces they don't talk over queer people, act presumptuously, or make it all about themselves), and use their privilege to help the movement. Commrads are helping us, so yes celebrate with us.

Pride events are not here so that non queers can ogle, watch the spectacleb tokenize, get drunk, or exoticize us. They are here first and foremost because of black Trans woman was sick and tired of being sick and tired. When police came to rade the bar she was in she threw a brick at them. Marsha P Johnson is one of trans women of color gave birth to Pride. The parades are here because we got tired of hiding and being targetes of violence. We come together because it is often the only time many queers get to be in community. Pride events are far too often the only time queer people can safely and publicly be who they are. People travel far to get to a city to attend the parade. Young people who are hiding from their families or in the closet for some other reason, get to be with other queer people just like them for a day or two. Young queers often don't get the chance to be in community either because of when events happen, where they are, or age limits are 21 for most spaces and events.

Pride isn't meant to be hateful but outside is not respecting our spaces has made us bitter. This bitterness that is meant to be directed towards "Emily and Chad" ( basic Cis hetro white people ( people of color do this to though) who just want to see all the naked people and get drunk) are driving a wedge between visibly queer people and cis hetro passing queers. That's not fair. The majority already oppresses the queer minority by being able to be fired, lose our healthcare, not be treated medically, evicted, subjected to tons of red tape just to get official documents like a passport, and/or legally murdered ( gay panic defense). We do not want or deserve to be subjected to tokenization, exoticizing, harassment, exploitation, or hate at our own spaces and events. It is already difficult to be in community due to other forms of discrimination (racism, classism, etc) that were already present ( cuz we can't escape the conditioning of society completely yet). Now because outsiders have invaded we are attacking each other as well. If you are not queer and don't fall into any of the group's I mentioned please reconsider attending. I'm not saying you won't be welcome by some. I'm saying if I see you at Pride+ and I can identify that you are an outsider you won't be welcomed by me or those like me. If non queers respected our space and events that would end commuinty policing. We could once again work towards creating a community that is unconditionally loving and accepting. If you're still unsure on whether you should attend Pride+ consider the following list if you're any of these don't go:
·Trump supporter
·Against abortion
·Transphobic
·Think bisexuality is promiscuous, greedy, or just a phase
·Want to know a trans person's birth name and you are not thier medical professional or work for the government and its your job
·Want to know what trans person's genital the status and you are not a medical professional or trying to have sex with them
·Won't allow trans people going to the bathroom that I just did gender identity
·Don't support queer rights( marriage, job security, housing security, adoption, ect)
·Racist
·Sexist
·Classes
·Ableist
·Fascist
·Nazi
·Zionist
·Nazi sympathizer
·Misogynist
·Close-minded
·Unwilling to learn
·Refuses to try understand
·Hateful
·Against DACA
·Against Dreamers
·Pro police violence
·Pro blue lives matter
·Perpetuate rape culture
·Discriminate against religion that is not Christian or Judaism.
·Against creating a path to citizenship and green cards that actually works and is practical
·A feminist that does not include all women
·Have a strict definition on what it is to be female
·Call someone your gay BFF
·Expect any of your gay friends to do stereotypical things with you like brunch and style you
·Have ever said I won't date or have sex with a race or ethincy that's not euopean (including Russia)
·Don't understand why Confederate statues need to be taken down
·Don't think the Civil War was about slavery
·Don't support gender equality especially when it comes to family planning and the workplace
·Believe people should follow gender roles
·Anti Palestine
·Against Standing Rock or other indigenous protest and rights
·Discriminate, stigmatize, or just generally shitty towards people with mental health things

At the end of the day if you're open-minded, supportive of all, and loving you will be welcomed at Pride+.

Skitt: South side with you

I'm extremely late I know. I feel obligated to go see new media that is culturally important for the African American community. This was one of those things. For some reason or another I'm just now getting to it. Here are my thoughts.

I adore seeing POC love. Whether it is the same ethnicities or different POC ethnicities I love seeing it. There is something genuinely important about the following groups: Latinx Love and families. Now so many are being torn apart by immigration; indigenous love, family, and community. As their children have constantly been taken away from them. Rights to their land have historically and presently continue to be violated. Their population numbers are dwindling due to numerous factors; Middle eastern love, as they are constantly labled terrorist and the subjects of hate; Muslim love (I know this is a religion and not an ethnicity) that is forfilling to anyone engaging in it. Whether its a women who wants to be submissive to her husband or love that respects the women, her autonomy, and let's her live her life according to how she define her gender roles/expectations. People who want to engage in poly marriages. Queer Muslims love.; Black love and families. A nation that has systemically torn Black family aparts from its beginings. Amercia says/trys to make black men dead beat dads, jobless, criminals, uneducated, unskilled, unable to have emotionally healthy relationships, and violent. America says/trys to make Black women are angry, spiteful, want too much, uneducated, sex objects, and only able to have babies but can't raise them.

I love black celebrity couples. When I see them I hope they stay in love with eachother forever. That once they get married, I hope they stay married, and love being married to their spouse. It is so hard to find two parent Black households that have stayed married. I don't care if their are kids from a past relationship. I don't care of one of them remarried after death of a previous spouse. If possible, if the love is there, if its not toxic or unhealthy, I hope they stay married.

Too many black families break apart because of divorce. The ex-wife makes it impossible for the dad to be in his kids' life. The ex-husband up and leaves without reason. New partners add drama. Child support adds drama. Its difficult. If they do get divorced I hope the following happenes: they don't tell their feelings or opions about their ex and their ex's new life, including people in it, to the children involed; the parents should support their offspring equitably. Who ever makes more should spend more. Who ever has more time should give the time; Don't use the offspring as bait, pawns, or ransome; all parties involed, new spouses and long term partners included, must have conversations about the offspring as to be on the same page about the offsprings' health, education, social life, the method used to parent them, ect; Don't limit a parent's involedment in their offsprings' life unless its unheathly or dangerous; work out a schedule for holidays but be flexible if things come up; everyone who loves the child/children should be able to be preseant at events for the child/children and there will not be any fighting. At the end of the day parents should be able to do that for their prodigies wellbeing.

Prison is another major factor in breaking up black families. Black men trying to support their families by any means necessary, in debt, or just have a bad encounter with the law end up in prison. Then when they get out are unable to get a job. This leads to a life of crime and usually more prison until a black person ends up in there for life.

Over crowded, underfunded, and terrible quality of education schools are another reason. Black people have either the highest or second highest Illiteracy rates. I don't know a skill on the planet you can master with out reading. Even painting you need to be able to read the name of the supplies you need. In sports you need to be able to read and understand your contract. I understand higher education is not going to be the path for I would say half of the black community its exspensive, highly competitive, and racist.  Trade jobs, millitary, sevice core, government jobs, the travel industry, construction, ect are all viable alternative options that not many black people know about. How can we do better if we don't know better.

Out of the 14% of 308.7 million Americans (in 2010) identify as black or mixed with black, I'm going to foucus on Black people with at least a bachelor's degree with a fulltime job. Out of the 43.218 million Black Americans only 18.7% have at least a bachelor's degree (in 2011). That's a little more than 8 million. That's a 5th of the black population ( technically its bewteen a 5th and a 6th of the population but its much closer to 5th). I wish I could tell you out of those 8 million have jobs and are living above the poverty line but I can't. I do have general info on poverty in 2010. 25.7% of Black and mixed black people lived below the poverty line. 7.4% of all American who had finished at least one year of college lived below the poverty line. 4.3% of all Americans who worked full time lived below the poverty line. According to 2010 data about 44 thousand black americans and mixed black Americans with at least a bacholars degree where employed fulltime. Just because they are employed full time doesn't mean that they are living above the poverty line. That's less than 1% off the of the 8 millions with at least a bacholar's degree. 44 thousand is 1/2% of the 8 million. That's 1/10% of the black american and mixed black american population and 1/64% of the total American population in 2010.

Okay so 44 thousands people in 2010. Lets pretend that its and equal amount of males and females and that they are all straight. If we were begining realistic there is lots of data showing there are way more black women with degrees and fulltime jobs than black men. I can't find trusted sources on how many of the 44 thousand are queer, through in 2012 3.5% openly identified as Queer, but I digress. If you're in the city or suburb around a major city your odds are probably better a finding another black person that is more or less your equal if that's what you're looking for. If you are a black person with at least a bachelor's degree in full-time job and you're looking for another black person we could least bachelor's degree and a full-time job the odds are definitely against you meeting someone randomly. Many black professionals turn to professional conference fouced on black people, like National Society of black Engineers annual conference. Another option is the historically black fraternities and sororities. If a black person joined one in college, and then joined thier local chapter after they moved, they have a better chance of meeting someone. The Divine Nine local chapters do a number of events together. They also invite each other to their own events. Finally there are groups dedicated to hobbies or interests specifically for black people. The is the black ski summit, all black golfing groups, and many more. Many black professionals join groups that align with their intrest in order to meet people. But its still difficult.

I've noticed amoung my black female friends we have a different mindset about finding a spouse. I know many black women in their 20's who are engineers, lawyers, doctors, or have a different extremely profitable jobs. Often along with these jobs comes a high demand on our time. Many of my friends want to have families but feel like they would neglect their children because of their work. Instead they do not seek out other workaholics, or people with time demanding jobs. They look for teachers, accountants, people with nine to five that never or hardly ever work late. They look for guys who can work from home, or have a job with consistent hours that allow them to spend more time at home. They look for writers and artist. A lot of my black female friends who have the high paying jobs don't mind and would actually prefer a guy to stay at home with the family. They would love to have a husband that stayed at home with the kids until the youngest was 10. That way they wouldn't feel guilty about not being as much. They know that thier children have a loving, attentive, and nurturing parent at home. If I was to have kids someone would have to be there for them, more often than not that wouldn't be me.

So what does all this have to do with Southside with You. Well the movie is about black love. What made me appreciate this movie is specifically that. It is so rare and often very difficult to find black love. To have a movie about a love story about two successful black people is a big deal. Often young black people don't get to see black love in their house, their community, or in their town / city. Media is all we have and we don't get a lot of it. So yes movies about black power couples in love are important. Gives people hope

#Riot A is for ASEXUAL!!

The Queer community encompasses a lot of identities. From my experience and understanding the identities can be broken up into the following groups: Sexualites (who you want to have sex with), Gender (pronouns and how you see yourself), Romantic attraction (who you romantically love), and Interest in Sex ( do you like to do it bunnies, or are you more like the giant Pandas). I was recently talking to another super queer activist about the Asexual community and that spectrum of identities. Unlike the first 2 identies I listed the Interest in Sex spectrum, often referred to as the Grey Scale, is still thought of in one dimension.

There are so many sexualites. I can obviously name the most common ones but I also can name a few we don't really talk about in mainstream space: Polysexual, Pansexual, Skoliosexual, Monsexual, Fluid, and Andro/Gyno sexual. (That's in no way all of them just the ones that come to mind) We don't really think of sexualites as a one dimensional line anymore that goes from hetro to homo. In its simplified form we think of sexual identies on a two or three dimensional cartesian graph (a graph with X axies and Y axies for two dimensions plus Z axies if doing three dimensions).

Gender can be a lot more complex. I know the gender identities that the average Millennial knows. I also know a number others that don't get much time in the spot light: Agender, Neutrois, Bigender, Genderqueer, Gender Fluid, Gender Variant, Gender Creative, Nonbinary, Intersex, Androgy, Demigende, Demi girl, Demi boy, Pangender, Omnigender,  Stem (a mix of stud and fem), Boi, Gurl, Womxn,  and Two Spirit. (Again this is not all of them, just the ones that come to mind) When I talk to other Queermos about Gender identities we tend to think of it as a gaseous ever expanding galaxy with lots of stuff in it. So think space, you have up, down, forward, and backwards. But also light, time, gravity, and probably more things we don't understand yet (like other dimensions and dark matter). Gender identities can be extremely complex so thinking of gender in terms of an ever expanding galaxy works.

Romantic identities are not as talked about but its easy to just treat them like sexual identities but instead of sex its your heart. Homoromantic means you are romantically attracted to people you perceive as the same gender as you. While Hetroromantic means you are attracted to: 1) people you perceive as opposite of your gender.
Or
2) people you perceive to not be the same gender as you.
*Side Note*
If you are Nonbinary you could be Hetroromantic if you liked people who you perceive to be one of the binary genders. The opposites of not binary would be binary. If you identify your gender as female then you could be Hetroromantic and like people you perceive as Agender, nonbinary, Intersex, male, and anyone you don't perceive as female. As long as they don't identify as female it's not the same gender thus could qualify as Hetroromantic.
**
There is one romantic identity that I know of that is not like the sexualites. Its demiromantic: little or no capacity to experience romantic attraction until a strong sexual connection is formed with said individual of interest. If we treat Romantic idenites like sexualites we basically think of them on that same two or three dimensional cartesian graph.

Grayscale is the most unknown group of idenites. As I said above I was talking to another super queer friend of mine and we could only think of the same six identities that would be in this group. Mind you, neither of us are super involed in the grayscale/ asexual community. We pay attention and are usually quick to find out any new words coming out of any of these groups. However, together the both of us know 5 people who identity as any of the 6 identities.
*Side Note*
When I say super queer I'm talking about culturally queer. Not gay, that's different. We think of Gay as what people who aren't part of any LGBTQ+ community think of when they think of the community. I would say super queer people spend most of their free time interacting people who are not Cis, hetro, Gay, rich, upper middle class, white, and/or lesbain. They are activist, artist, musicans, creative types, far left, feminist, radicals, and/or anarchists. They also identify as an/(some of the) identity(ies) in LGTQ+ dictionary. They have been actively part of the community for few years. They could help write the dictionary of terms. They recognize a majority of pride flags (they may not know which identity off the top of their head but they are that's a pride flag). They have taken the time to learn, are learning, and/or trying to learn our communities history. They try to stay current on our communities issues (everything from cake, muder of trans people, lost DACA children, death toll in Puerto Rico, etc its hard). They also have to try to keep up with learing new terms, flags, Icons, and media (art, TV, film, literature, etc)
**
Those six identities are as follows: Hypersexual, Sexual, Demisexual, Greysexual, Asexual, and Sex repulsed.
There is also Sexually Fluid, Grey Fluid, Grey Scale Fluid, or Grey Scale Flux, they all mean the same thing; a person goes between different Greyscale idenities, and/or experiences different intensity of sexual interest. With the current idenites and knowledge around the community Greyscale is seen as a one dimensional scale, 0-10 if you will. 0 being no sexual desire, Sex Repulsed, and Asexuals. Hypersexual being 10. Sexual, Greysexual, and Sexually Fluid being somewhere between 0 and 10. Demisexual is the outlier kinda. Demisexual: little or no capacity to experience sexual attraction until a strong romantic/emotional connection is formed with said individual of interest. So after romantic/emotional connection has been established they can be anything but zero, from my understanding of the identity.

The Greyscale community rarely gets brought up. Ignoring, forgeting that they exist, or denile/erasure is rampant for this community. Sexual interest can be simple but just like the rest of the groups it can be really complex. Why do we see it in such a cut and dry way?  Short answer, we don't talk about the community like that. The majority of queers aren't being into the intricacies of this identity group. It was and still is hard to be homosexual. Lesbians still get men who tell them "You just haven't met the right guy yet." Bisexual get told " Its just a phase you'll make up your mind soonb enough." This happens to people who are sexual. If you say you don't really have an interest in sex you get all that plus sent to the doctor.  There must be something wrong with an Asexual hormonally, mentally, or physically because who doesn't like sex? While it maybe true if someone doesn't like sex it could be do to trauma, pain, or lack of hormones it is just as possible they don't like sex. Queer culture is hypersexualized so I cannot begin to imagine the stigma an asexual must face with in our own community. A community that is suppose to support them and be accepting ends up shunning, shaming, and rejecting one of our own because we refuse to try to understand. We refuse to respect our greyscale people just the way they are. Outside of the queer community they face just as much hate, stigma, and rejection. What I've seen is that the Asexual community is extreme tight knit, hard to find (probably for good reason), and militant (also probably for good reason). They fiercely support each other because nobody else will or has. It is time for that to change. There is a lot wrong with the LGBTQ+. One of our biggest problems is that we refuse to accept our own. When I learned the acronym I was taught LGBTQA Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, Queer, Asexual. I go to a conference called MBLGTACC. Since I've been attending there has been a movement fighting to get the A to stand for Asexual. I've always supported that because it makes more sense than current name Midwestern Bisexual Lesbian Gay Trans Ally Collegiate Conference. When ever we use the letter abbreviations and put the A in it stands for Asexual. Its rude, extremely dismissive, and erases the Asexual community. I honestly don't know why this is even up for discussion. A stands for Asexual, Aromantic, Agender, Androgyny, Androsexual, Androromantic but never Ally. This just shows the crap that they have to deal with within their own community. A major collegiate queer  conference refuses to change the name to include fellow queers. They are choosing not queers over queers for a conference that supposed to prioritize queer people.

Pride was a riot about fighting for our own. By refusing to accept each other and kicking people out we are no longer proud. To get anything we've need to fight together. We don't need to get it. We don't have to agree with it. You live your life, let them live theirs. We must accept them. Asexual are queer and deserve to be part of the community just as much (probably more so) as a sexual cis white gay. I am a Bisexual Skolioromantic Nonbinary Fem presenting person and I'm proud to be in community with Greyscales people.