Skittles: bubbly

Today I had to ask really hard questions to Amoriartii about conversion therapy. Really crappy topic still a very good conversation. At the end we chatted for a bit about what was going on in my life and they remember that tomorrow is my birthday. They reminded me that they do really care about me and how special I am to them.  Just to here them say that lifts my hearts. I am always the person to make others blush and smile. I don't know how to react when someone is gushing about me.  It warms my heart though.

Skit: 3rd Vives Q Labs

The two trans girls who were murdered weren't in the system. Meaning that people who offer resources to trans women or just trans people in general had never herd of Keke or Cece. They never came in for service or were reached by organization that offer services. Part of the problem is because of the lifestyle that trans women have to live.  They are often in sex work or work at night. Most programs are 9-5 and these women are sleeping during that time because they have to work at night.  We need more programs that can meet them where they are. If we had night programs we could reach them. If we met them where they are it works.  If we went out gave them a card that gave them the info they needed then offered the services at night that would go along way.  We need to offer jobs that are trans friendly, inclusive,  and supportive. Instead of having a prison pipeline we need to create a job pipe line. In order to do that we need job training programs that cater to companies that we know will hire them. We need to create relationship with these companies to be able to privided them with a steady source of employees. One of the problems with these women finding jobs is that they need to change their name that way they will face less discrimination when applying for any job. However,  if you have a felony you can not change your name for 10 years in the state of Illinois. That's a problem. Sex work is still illegal and some other things that lead it self to sex work leads to felonies. If we changed some laws it would help a lot of these women so that it would make changing their names a lot easier. 

Trans spefic funding doesn't exist Illinois. The only money that trans community gets is spefic for HIV. The money is disappearing under the current administration and under our current government. Often trans women have to go outside the Queer community for services. So if they are victims of domestic abuse they have to go to a women's domestic abuse center. We have to make services more trans friendly. We need to do teach ins and push these organizations to change.

Skittles: dating again

I am the Zar of first dates. I always pick something fun, casual and never dinner.  Tonight I'm going to watch live jazz and have drinks. I wanted something a little more mature but still fun.  I am planning on going for a walk along the lake front of they are up for it afterwards. I love to see the water at night the city is so pretty. I hope they think so too. We'll see. Wish me luck.

Skittles: small victories with my body

I gained 8 pounds.  I am no longer under wieght.  Its the little things that make my day.  Or in this case a large slice of chocolate cake.

Skittles: Protect our trans children.

I was trying to explain to my father about a 5 YR OLD Trans girl being kept from her parents in Illinois by my doctor providers because she is trans. The doctors are forcing her to be a boy even though she identifies as a girl. This is a form of conversion therapy. No person with a medical licence in Illinois can do that it's illegal. We have laws against conversion therapy.  My father's response was  "you need to figure out where you're going to school in spring instead." He just doesn't get it.  I have seen the pain that people who have gone through conversion therapy are in years later. This is important to me. I need to do this more than I to figure out school.  Also why can't I do both.  I am going to fight for Stevie and hope that my parents understand but if they don't, I don't care.

Skit: #TransUpFront

Friday I was late to the trans liberation protest. I had to work. Need to make money now more than ever.  When I finally caught up to the protest they had just finished matching down State street which they took with out permit and with out permission as it should be. There was a marching band, and many white cis queers that love to pretend they give a dam about a minority's struggle. There where amazing signs and many QPOC and POC organizations that came out. My favorite chant was lead by Black Live Matter the Chicago chapter and BYC 100  " No Trump, No KKK, No Transphobic USA!" I love intersectional nature of this chant it encompasses a lot. No racism, no sexism, no xenophobia, no transphobia. I was proud that the black community realizes that equity for the black community means equity for all black people, not just cis, straight black folks. My friend, Milani Ninja spoke for her house and all ballroom houses and for the  Trans latina Coalition. Then X, who I know from Chicago Freedom Schools, spoke about what his liberation looks like.   It hah nothing to do marriage equality and everything to do with changing the Status Quo and equity. Vita E. was also there and asked us a series of questions one being "will we only show up when there's a body count attached?" If we answered no they had a list of demands for us to agree to and they wanted us to agree to them in writing.  I sent sent them a message this morning agreeing to their list of demands. This was the most powerful protest I have ever been to.  I never really felt part of the trans community. I identify as gender non binary not because I reject being female, I do to a certain extent. I also do ascribe to the healthy parts of masculinity. However, just don't feel like a women. I think it something you know you are, just like being bisexual. I know I'm bisexual but I have no idea what gender I am. I also choose to present female. I feel like choosing to present the sex I was assigned at birth even though I don't identify with it doesn't entitle me to be part of the trans community. I know that's not true but it's how I feel.  I'm afraid of taking up space and resources from people who deserve it. So I stayed towards the back of the crowed at the march and didn't speak up when they called for black trans people. I want people who need it to have access to the community. I'm fine with being a co-conspirator. I loved this march and will forever support the trans community and my trans friends.

Skit: give us our flowers while we're still here

Give us our flowers will we're still here, a song by Vita. E. I saw Vita. E. agian at one of the only feminist bookstores left in the U.S. The bookstore is called Women and Children First. They preformed they preformed this song and it brought up a lot for me. My first thought is that all is my trans friends have survived.  Most of them have passed the average life expectancy age, which is terrifyingly low. That means that most of my trans friends will get to grow to a ripe old age.  Murder, violence, and suicide did not get them. Most of my trans friends are afluente people in their communities and have had community protection.  Something all trans people of color deserve but don't get.  Meaning we have been giving my trans friends their flowers, but what about everyone else? Why have we deemed these trans lives important, opposed to others. A trans women was recently killed in Chicago. I didn't know her and neither did any of my friends. I began to wonder, with how active I am in the queer community, how I had never seen her face?  How none of my friends knew her?  Why wasn't she apart of the community? If she was why didn't we know her?  We mourned her just the sane as if she had been in of us. But she wasn't.  Was it because she was trans or black? We are very segregated in Chicago. This extends to our queer communities. The asians stay together. The Latinx people stay together.  Then theirs the black community, which has a community but not a lot of resources where they are.  I live by the Latinx community so that is who I hang out with.  Never for the years I've been involved have I herd of the murder of a trans Latinx person.  We take care of our people, because  they have demanded that we do so.  We did not do this because we valued our trans people, they valued themselves and made us accountable. That burden shouldn't be on them. We should have valued them from the start.  I don't know if the black queer community has started to value their trans people. From the outside looking in, it seems fragmented and there's a lot of infighting. The Asian queer community must be doing something right, because since I've been involved in the queer community I've never herd of the murder of a trans Asian person. Only white and black trans people and I want to know why?  What are these communities not doing for their people? What has the greater community, meaning when we all come together,  failed at doing for these members? Why can't we get it together?  We should give them their flowers, respect, safety, love, and attention while they're still alive!  Why didn't I know her?  I would have stepped in.  I want to know more people and keep them safe. I have never had to do that for my trans friends but I am willing. I have never had to do that for my undocuqueers but I've always been willing.  I have never had to stop police brutality but I've been more than willing.  I am extremely privileged in that way.  We need to use our privilege to help people with less than us.  It is our duty when we say we stand in solidarity. Today I am going to a trans liberation protest.  When I say I am in solidarity that means I am going to make sure our trans folks get home safe. I am going to ride the train with them making sure that they arrive all the way home safe even if I just met them. I will be doing this because I want to show them someone cares about them while they are alive. To often do we only care when they are dead. We should be outraged at they way many trans women of color are forced to live.  We should be doing more knowing that they need more. But we aren't, the only time we show up is only after they have died.  It's time to start showing up for the people who started our revolution, the first brick was thrown by a trans black women, like they have always showed up for us.

Skittles: more pride flags

I saw two pride flags I did not recognize at creating change this year and two more at a book store today.  I always feel overwhelmed initially by more flags it just gives me anxiety. I am glad that people have more words and more flags to claim their identities with. So here are the two flags that gave me a minor panic attack today the from top to bottom the gender fluid flag and the polysexual flag. Enjoy your new pride flags. I will do another know your pride and hunt down those flags I saw at Creating Change.

Skittles: standing up for both

Today a black man and an Indian women got into an argument on the train. The women was sitting across from me minding her own business when the guy tripped over her feet.  Both were mad. They exchange a few choice expletives before the black man said " this isn't even your country go back to where you came from." This is where I stepped in. I simply said "hey that was uncalled for and a low blow. As far as I'm concerned right now this isn't our county either, we are being gunned down in the streets by white officers that are suppose to be protecting all Americans. So if this isn't her country it dam sure isn't ours either". He apologize and agreed with me.  I told both of then we can't turn on our fellow people of color we need to stick together against a government that hates us. She aplogized to him. I asked both of them if they were okay and they said yes and we had a peaceful train ride. I stuck up for the Idinan women as a fellow female bodied person. I admitted to both of them having fault and also took the side of the black man as a fellow African American. You stand up for both by simply doing what's right