10/28/15

Skit: trans* media

I went to go see a series of shorts called Southerns for Pussy.  What suprised me was all the family aspects and motifs throughout the film. It wasn't the normal storey of a rejecting family it was lots of family positivity. From the last short where her mom helps her pick boys on Grindr and then get ready for the date.  To the second short that showed positive choosen family values through the wisdom of elders. It showed a different narrative that many of us don't think is possible.

Let's go back and talk about the first short. It wasn't scripted and focused on finding the fetishizer. It took place in the woods where she was hunting for perverts. Through this I was the metaphor for sex work. Where the sex worker is looking for customers but also opening themself up to being fetishized.  What I liked about this short was it gave the female trans women the power in n the situation by having her do the hunting as apposed to being hunted.

In the Second short the family aspect, felt more like fantasy, setting the ideal. It also adress oral trans history, were the information is hard to get to, becuase you have to know someone or have a in. This was represented through an alice in Wonderland hole in wall. Kind of a  beautiful secretcy, symbolism for conversation we need to be having openly. Such as how nobody thinks about growing old or access to elders. With the trans death rate so high nobody thinks they will make it to 50. But in this fantasy it gives us room to dream about what it would be like to grow old.

Over all the film felt very fem power positive. It was also very artsy and hard for me to grasp the first go around. But after  watching it again and through discussion you're able to realize how deep the shorts really are. They cram a lot into 15mins a short.  If you have access to Open TV beta I would recommend watching it.

Skittles: Hello

Hello by Adele is the apology of owed to Godric since 2013. I tend to avoid Adele becuase she brings up feelings for my ex's that never really went away. I have never had my heart break so loud, it over comes the rumble of a train.  To be in love with someone you don't want to be in love with is difficult and makes getting over them even harder. I still care about him a lot and will always wish him the best. I know I should make an attempt to apologize. But so much time has passed that I don't think he would care or accept my apology.  I don't want to disrupt his life by digging up the past. So the guilt will be my burden to bare becuase is my fault anyway.

10/26/15

Skittles: I got a man

I am in a relationship with Cyborg. It's very different from every other relationship I've been in. It's calm and relaxing. Every other relationship I've been in has been up beat and fast paced. This is like two friends hanging out making out.  I'm trying to decide of that's a good thing or not. You should date  someone you get along with. We get along and enjoy each others company. He likes me for my personality but, I want to feel desired and desire him in return. I've also never dated anybody while I've been depressed so this is a new thing for me. I'm constantly rediscovering myself living with depression and anxiety. And now I'm faced with a new challenge of discovering someone else.

10/23/15

Love challenge

I am going to try another self love challenge becuase I did so well the first time lol. Instead I'm going to brush my teeth, wash my face,  eat some chocolate, apply chap stick, and take a deep breath and smile at myself for a minute. We are going to start next Monday. We'll see how this goes after 10 days.