Skittles: Moke Jokes Chad can't tell

Still based on the segment from the Late Show except these are jokes I came up with. This will be updated as I come up with more jokes.

Warning: not politically correct at all.

Students at the University of North Carolina protested demanding a white cultural center.
1: If the University meets there demands they will soon start hosting seminars on how to appropriate other cultures
2: If they want a white cultural center they should embrace their whiteness and just steal the Indigenous Americans' cultural center.
3: Plans for programming at said cultural center would be The reverse racism of Black and Brown people calling you out on your problematic behavior, how to take up even more space, Feel proud not white guilt, and asserting your privilege even when a person of color tells you no for a good reason.

Heterosexual people want a straight pride parade.
I say let them have 1 it will probably last only one year as it will lack good music, nice free stuff, attractive people, and fun. It will still have religious people telling them they are going to hell.

Brett Kavanaugh testified in front of the Senate committee again today.
He carried himself exactly how a government officials should. He lied, screamed, had a tantrum, failed to treat the women of the committee with basic human decency, claimed he was being discriminated against, and cried. The women on the Senate committee hearing were reported to have been overly emotional possibly due to thier periods, despite never saying more than 10 words, and should be replaced with men like Brett.

A recent study found young black men are less likely to graduate high school than their white counterparts.
1: While White young men are less likely to go to jail or be tried as an adult as a teenager.
2: while White young men are more likely to become corrupt politicians.
3: While young white men are less likely to be the Captain of the Varsity basketball team.
4: Black men are also less likely to be Republican

In light of recent shootings some police departments are going through non bias training aimed at reducing racial profiling.
1:While others are using thier money to buy more bullets.
2: while others are partnering with ICE to be able to identify Mexicans too.
3: While others are going through more gun training aiming at Black and Brown people.

Skittles: Jokes Chad can't tell

So on the Late Show with Seth they do a segment called "Jokes Seth can't tell". This segment has become my guilty pleasure. I will be adding punchline options to some of the jokes. The title is to avoid copyright infringement.

Warning: not politically correct at all.

The CW network is currently developing a show about a African American super hero. 1:Instead of fighting crime he fight racist.
2: His arch nemesis is White Supremacists aka the GOP aka the KKK
3: It's actually a show that just follows around a black women in real life cuz we're always single-handedly saving the world and not getting any credit
4: He defeats the bad guys, gets blamed for committing the crime, beaten by the cops, charged with battery by the villians, and gets sent to jail with a longer sentence than the actual criminals.

A recent study shows Black Americans get less sleep.
That's because the rest of America doesn't have Black moms. Black moms wake you up because you didn't wash all the dishes only to find out you missed 1 cup in the living room, wasn't even in the kitchen. Or she used a plate after you were done and you got to get up to wash that too.

The Mall of America recently hired their first Black Santa.
1:If it's not on sale during black Friday you not getting it.
2: The good kids sit on his knee and ask for presents the bad kids get bent over his knee and get that butt whipped.
3: When a 5 year old asked for a tablet Santa said what you need a tablet for you 5 go outside and play.
4: When asking for presents Santa replied you got present money?

A community center in Bakersfield California recently held a special Prom for gay and lesbian students.
1:It was just like a regular prom but with more glitter.
2: The red carpet to get in looked like a catwalk during fashion week in Milan.
3: There was Vogue battle for Prom king and drag competition for Prom QUEEN!

A group in Georgia recently hosted a event called come meet a black person.
1:They rode the MARTA for the first time.
2:They were shocked they all made peach cobbler the same way.
3:It was their first and last trip to Atlanta.

The Detroit Metro area will hold a new event next month called Black restaurant week.
1:A Black restaurant is like a white restaurant except they use spices.
2: A Black restaurant is like a white restaurant except there is actually flavor in the food.
3: A Black restaurant is like a white restaurant except nothing is vegan, vegetarian, or gluten free.
4: A Black restaurant is like a white restaurant except the food is not cardboard and is actually good.

Skittles: Don't cry for me Argentina

We say "I want to die in your arms"  because the literal translation I want to die in the full embrace of your love doesn't have the same ring to it. Both are selfish. If you leaving loved ones you're leaving pain. Happy memories hurt for awhile before they're happy again. Sad memories become stab wounds. If you died leaving people hating you, the process is even longer. Hate linked to love. One can only be angry if they care. Indifference on the other hand is painless. It's way more humane. People die everyday we don't shed one tear for them because we don't care. We didn't know with them, we don't personalize it. I think it's a lot more loving to say "I want to die with your indifference, leaving your happiness uninterrupted." I wish them no pian. I will love you pass death, through existences, in multiple dimensions, in various timelines, my love for you will transcend space and time, it will escape black holes, it will go the distance, beyond the limits of our ever-expanding universe.

Skittles: music for Amoriartii

I've been looking for music for Amoriartii for a while. An artist always in capsulizes my relationship with a person. Amoriartii gets Halsey.

Skit: #16Shots

Today Chicago police Officer Jason Van Dyke was convicted of second-degree murder and 16 counts of aggravated battery. Van Dyke killed 17 year old Black young man Laquan McDonald. Laquan McDonald was 15 feet away from the veteran police officer Van Dyke. Laquan McDonald was carrying a 3 inch knife and walking away from seasoned police officer Van Dyke. Laquan McDonald was allegedly acting erratic due to the fact he was office his mental health medication. Laquan McDonald was 17, had a hard life, was resilient, was young, was walking away from the police, was black, and was shot 16 times in 15 seconds. I cried when they read the first guilty verdict. Finally!!!!! A little justice. So many black people are murdered by police every year. I am overwhelmed that 1 young man was treated almost fairly in death. I honestly believed that the cop we go free. That Van Dyke who shot Laquan McDonald 16 times in cold blood would be found not guilty. I had no hope. The fact that he was even found guilty of anything makes me feel like maybe my Black life matters. Maybe I'm not a second-class citizen. All of my life I have been told I was inferior. I started worrying about my little brother's life when I was 10 and he was 5. My Brothers in college now in Ohio and every time I see him at worry it's going to be the last time. I'm still afraid for him, but now I know he might rest easy getting the justice he deserves. This is a step. The jury believed Laquan McDonaldwas murdered with some mitigating circumstances which is bullshit. The mitigating circumstance was the fact Laquan McDonald was murdered by cop. Van Dyke should have been charged with first degree murder and official gross misconduct. He's not a rookie Van Dyke has been doing this for years. He murdered him because he thought he could get away with it. But 17 out of 19 is better than a not guilty on all charges which is what usually happens if they go to court. Van Dyke is a murder and today he was charged as such. #16Shots #BlackLivesMatter