Skittles: day 103

Hi, my name is J Skittles, and I'm addicted to love.
It's been 103 days since I've actively pursued Amoriartii. In that time I've pined, I've written to them (didn't send), I thought about them, stalked their Facebook and Instagram, I've typed out messages and deleted them, I stared up at the Moon hoping that they were looking at it too, I've missed them, I've longed for them, dreamed about them, cried about them, made myself sick over them, made excuses to talk to them, and watch them from across the room. In short recovery is not going well. In addictions anonymous the steps are basically all the same. I am still on step 1. My life has become unmanageable. I'm sick on admitting to being powerless. I don't know if there is really a line between addiction and love. I hear people would kill for what they're dicted to, but I think people would also kill for the ones they love. The struggle is between calling it an addiction and calling Amoriartii my soulmate. It feels like I just know that we could work. I think it's supposed to be terrifying. I think you're supposed to have to change. I think it's supposed to make you better. All of that would have to happen for Amoriartii and I to be together. We have to learn to talk and trust. We have to do those two things that scare us the most. Everything else is just so easy, it just falls into place, its effortless. Or I'm a crazy delusional addict. It's never going to work and I have to let it go. Hope, optimism, faith. Despair, pessimism, facts. I don't know which one is reality.
Thank you