P.S. I won't say it

I've been waiting for a while for this moment with you. I didn't think I would get here. I never thought you would feel the same way. I thought you were preoccupied with someone else. I remember giving up and walking away. Then you came up to me and said "ask me out again." Its been painstakingly slow. I've spent days banging my head against the wall trying to be patient. Nights longing to be with you, lusting after you, dreaming about you. Trying to play it cool take it slow. But it was all worth it. Getting to spend my birthday with you Sunday was way more than I hoped for. That Monday will go down as the best Monday in history. I woke up next you. I got to fall asleep and wake up next to you. I have never been so happy with someone. I left thinking, GOD! This Must be love. I wanted nothing more then to tell you I've head over heals about you. I so serious about this. I want you to be happy, so continue to do you, but this isn't just a fling to me. I want to grow with you. I want to see you succeed. I want to help you and support you in that endeavor. I want to be with you for the foreseeable future. I want you to be happy. I will do whatever I can to facilitate that. I want you to feel safe with me. I want to be worthy of your trust. I want you to know I trust you. I may not always act like it, that's just because I don't always have the words for what I'm trying to say. I want to be here for it all, not just good, but the shit too (especially when its hard). I want to keep trying, learning, and working at this. I know we're poly so I know there are other people in your life. There are only two other people who are important to me like this that aren't family, my best friend husband #7, and my Play Partner Lovely.  Neither of those relationships are romantic or sexual. I'm still poly but I'm not looking for more at the moment. If it happens I'm not going to ignore it, but I'm not actively seeking some else at the moment. When I do it will probably be my away partner (someone who doesn't live here who I see every 4 months at least). I'm kinda focused on this and satisfied at the moment. I am so happy with you. I am completely in love with you Vendetta. You have my heart.

I am not sending/saying this to her becuase she doesn't consider our relationship as serious. I thought we were in a romantic partnership. According to her we are in an open romantic relationship its just not that serious cuz she doesn't trust me. I found this out on Tuesday and I've been kinda heartbroken about it. I didn't really talk to her Tuesday because I was hurt. After all of this still not there. I've been trying so hard. I know her love isn't a prize to win. I'm just disheartened.