6/28/17

Skittles: can we start over Gordic

I got the sweetest response to a series of long messages I sent to Gordic after running in to him Saturday afternoon. Basically he hoped I was doing well and that I learned from everything that happened between us. I have learned and it helps me with Amoriartii and Lovely. I am still a good friend like I was back then. I haven't learned to put my feelings before my friendships and I don't think I want to. But I have learned to communicate my feelings instead of running from them. I learned to talk about things even when they are uncomfortable. I have learned to talk about my insecurities instead of being jealous.  Jealousy is a really toxic emotion that I only experience  when I'm not in a committed relationship of any kind with someone that I have deep feelings for.  I was jealous of my best friend's (husband #7) other friends before we talked about it and he was like your being silky becuase I love you and you're my best friend. I need to know where I stand and I have to like it.   Anyway I digress, Gordic forgave me, something I thought he would never do. I wouldn't have forgiven me. I forget that Gordic is a much better human than I in almost every way. So this time around I'll do so much better.  He is so happy and I don't want to bring him down in any way. But I do desperately miss him. I don't know how to develope a close relationship with someone I will hardly ever see.  I know how to preserve close relationships when people move, but I've never had to do it the other way around. So I'm nervous. I don't know where you start. It's also hard to start over becuase we have history. I want to know if he still draws or still writes in his journal? I want to know what video game he's addicted to  right now.  I really wonder if on Sunday's he still eats oatmeal, watches Buffy, and knits. I guess I can ask. But I'm sacred to move to fast. I'm really excited and I want to know everything I've missed. At the end of the day I'm just over joyed to have my friend back.  I've missed him so much.

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