Skittles: 7/3/18

I've been going through it all since I got back home Monday night. I went to visit my platonic romantic partner this past weekend. Let's call him Foxy. We are kind of like the fox and the hound. Okay we are completely platonic friends who cuddle. We also use all of our cutesy romantic energy on each other. We go to dinner, see a romantic movie, talk about the movie over drinks, and then go to sleep. The next day we stay in, watch anime, order food, and snuggle the day away. We're real cute. I had a crush on Foxy earlier in the year when I thought we were suppose to have a sex date. They weren't down so that's how we became friends. Mid April they got weird when I had a crush on somebody else. Then this time they got me a tooth brush and loofah for their place. I have no idea what is going on. I'm tempted to jump on them but I'm not any kind of emotionally stable. I haven't even healed yet. So I got home and I was like is this happening? Do I like Foxy? WTF? I can't, not now, No!

Then today I message Amoriartii because I miss them. Our souls feel like they are intertwined and I feel like they has begun to unravel. I love them. Even when I'm mad at them I love Amoriartii. I understand them. I get upset with Amoriartii but I always understand why they did what they did. I haven't spent time with them since last August. I miss them. I want to be with the person who gets me. I have been explaining myself for 2 months now. I just want to exist without having to try so hard. I can do that with them. I miss that.

I'm all over the place just wanting to be loved I think. I've been cut off from all of my sources of love for a bit and now I'm yearning. I think I just need to be held tight and told that its okay. I need to cry to someone. I need someone to understand. Then I'll be okay.

I know who I need to see now. 💚

I'll be okay I just need to take a very spefic trip.