Skitt: A train ride, A silent movie.

We ride the trian in silence.
Not becuase we're upset,
we just don't have anything to say.
That's fine I guess.
But I've never run out of words before.
It's an odd feeling.
Like running out of time,
it leaves you feeling empty.
I've noticed myself feeling empty a lot lately.
Even when I'm with Cyborg.
I try not to read to much into it,
but it's my nature.
I don’t expect anyone to make me feel full.
But I don't know if a person can leave you feeling empty.
I keep telling myself its just me,
becuase it probably is.
I run away from things that are good for me.
I get bored and move on instead of trying to make it fun again.
Cyborg bores me.
That's not his fault.
I should try harder to be fun.
There are many things that I want to do that we haven't done.
We should do them.
Or I could do them by myself.
I think that's my debate.
Whether I want to be empty by myself or alone togther.
I feel like I'm riding the train with a stranger.
But if I wanted to rest my head I could,
and that perk is nice.
We don't talk so much anymore, Cyborg and I.
I think a lot that I don't say.
Half becuase I'm afraid of his reaction,
half becuase I don't want him to know.
I don’t want him to know how sad I am.
Or my lack of will to live.
I don't want him knowing my drive is dead and gone
and I'm left merely existing.
I thought about telling him something.
I was going to tell him
I come up with little things to want
to give me some reason to go on.
I deemed it to sad and to true
so I let him go on and complain about dinner
as if it wasn't one of those little things that actually matter.
As if I was happy we had dinner.
As if I was happy.
I'm going away for a month and I'm going to see if I want to be empty and alone
or if I'm just sad
This could be one of my last silent train rides.
I think we both know that if we stay the course
it most certainly will be.
But I'm the one only one who can fix us.
I have to be the one to change.
Maybe I'll say something.
Or maybe I'll enjoy my peaceful train.