Skit: Back in your childhood room

I went back to UIUC this weekend to watch the Game of Thrones with Fo' Grad student and A fox named Owl. I always watch GOT with them on Sunday and we eat pizza. I showed out and was a bit of a bitch, not the good kind that you own. But my friends love me and tolerate me being an ass hole. I have finally been able to reconnect with what it mans to be Qpoc out side of the academic since of the word sense I've been living in the city. I went to UIUC and I learned a lot about the white queer movement and I got a lot of words and definitions. But unlike my QUIUC, people I actually get to go home and live what they have created words for. I live what they have defined and, more often than not, their definitions are less than perfect or fall short. But I now haves words for things. Side note the only reason I think people who live it don't come up with the words for thing is because we don't have the academic language, or the time. When your busy self caring and fighting the operative systems you don't have the luxury of an external analyst.  But while I was back I felt like I was living in my childhood bed room again. Trying to wear a space that just didn't fit any more. Everything is too small.  There were white people jamming out to "their" culturally appropriated capitalistic white filtered hip hop.  It felt like oppression.  I began to wonder was I really depressed or do psychiatric journals not understand what oppression feels like. It is strange to me that pain and emotional discomfort are not everyone's normal. That it means something is wrong. That they can point to a spot and say it hurts but all I have is abstract language. I can unpack and analyze our way off life and say this is what's hurting me, buy that's it. Being back, being a bitch, I can do it. But little Qpoc me is alive in my head and won't shut up. Qpoc me feels choked, feels used. They hate everything that UIUC represents, for it is a place other cultures come to die, be culturally appropriated, told they are backwards and erased. Privilege runs rampant all through out the campus with people making decisions with out fully understanding the ramifications. But it was nice to see my friends to be able to talk about slut shaming and owning words and the cultural significance. Also check in on them. I miss them and worry about their well being.  Also watching Game of Thrones. Was I the only one really confused 85% of the time?  Like what was going on??????