Sexuality is probably one of the most complicated things I study. What makes a person want to get naked with a stranger and join their most sensitive and delicate parts of their bodies is beyond on me. There is so much trust just naively given. But before all that there is something about another person that draws us in. It can change in an instant. Sexuality develops with us and evolves despite us. Never in a million years did I think I would be my own case study, yet here I am. At the beginning staring across the room, unable to look away. I don't do this, which is why I study it. I find these feelings fascinating because I don't feel them, I don't understand. But I am transfixed by a pull, a call in the wild beckoning me. People describe sexual attraction from everything to being hot, to an insatiable hunger. I would have to agree that every part of me wants to devoir every part of them. I want to grasp them, run my fingers down their back, give them hickies all over their neck. I want their entire body. But only after I get all these clothes off. I am surprised they haven't melted off yet. Visions of our bodies intertwine start to play in my head as I walk across the room to meet the muse. Its really not helping that I am not wearing the pants to be this aroused. But I don't care if everyone stares. They are all I can see. I feel connected like my feelings aren't only being experienced by me. No longer isolated and alone everything I feel seems to shared. I am vulnerable and open with all my cards on the table but I am not scared or afraid. Every step I take closer to my desire seems to make me more confident. Slowly I make my way through the crowd. I feel like everything is in slow motion. A slow confident walk toward them never taking my eyes off them. Almost if I was to look away for a moment they would disappear and I would lose this feeling. Its funny, I haven't even introduced myself and I am so sure they feel it too. That they are the one pulling me in. They probably didn't even notice me coming closer toward them. In my head I have this vision that once I get there we are so close I simply say hello. Everything is so erotic and electric that their movements mimic mine. There lips reacting to mine before we even touch. Crazy, I know. But if the attraction is mutual they will unknowingly subtlety mirror me. I wonder if that's what makes it impossible for me to look away. Am I looking for a sign that they feel the same. Secretly hoping that they do, so I can take them back to my hotel room. We will do what bunnies do and more. Riving in the physical ecstasy with unintelligible words. Not that the message goes unreceived. Just the grunts and moans seem to be their own form of communication. Its all so instinctual. Letting go of every inhibition to satisfy a basic but driving force inside of us. What makes it worse is how much we like it. We don't even understand it but we don't care it feels right. All for a feeling, that is forever changing. I look at them questioning why am I so drawn to them. They aren't my type. Not to say I have a physical type but I prefer certain body characteristics paired together. All people do. They have none of the sets I like. I don't know them so its not in the personality and the eyes are just as common and mundane as mine. I have lost the feeling, the fire and passion of my walk over here to meet them. But all at once with out noticing I have a arrived. I would hate to have walk all this way for no reason. To cross a room for a feeling and then venture nothing is to gain nothing. Grabbing two drinks from a passing waiter "I would like to share a drink with you" after we exchanged the normal pleasantries or time together was through. "have a truly captivating evening" "that's it?" they sounded so confused by my abrupt exit. It was right but now it doesn't fit. its much like the end of a one night stand all the magic is over. "that's all I needed"
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