Skittles: spin this

I have often fallen into the guilt trap used on Black American who are a product of slavery. This idea that strength and perseverance are traits I should possess because my ancestors survived unspeakable horrors, numerous human rights volitions, various atrocities, and literally had their culture (language, customs, beliefs, ect.) beat out of them. That my ancestors survived lynching, hate crimes, police brutality, segregation, systematic oppression and everything else post civil war and the civil rights era threw at them so I should be able to survive now. That despite limits placed on my ancestors with respect to housing, healthcare, job opportunities, financial growth, and education that they were able to make it work so I should make what I have work. I don't know if my ancestors could survive what I am going through. I don't know if I could survive the hardships they endured during their lives. I will never know if my ancestors tried to end it all. I will never know if they just survived or if they managed to find any amount of happiness in their life. Surviving, living, and thriving are all different. Surviving is doing the bare minimum to stay physically alive. If you are surviving you are dead mentally. Living is doing the bare minimum to live physically and also trying/ fighting to have some peace, satisfaction, or contentment in ones life. Thriving is being physically a live and mentally engage in one's life in a way that is satisfactory or brings one a non material type of happiness. The guilt trap of your ancestors survived so you should be able to live is flawed. I know they survived but that does not mean I inherited the same abilities. It also does not mean that even if I did inherit the same abilities that they would be applicable to my situation. Living requires a different set of tools then surviving. All I know is that they survived. Using the flawed logic that I could inherit perseverance that means I should be able to survive not live. All I know is that they lived long enough for my lineage to continue. I cannot say with even the smallest fraction of certainty that living for the the lineage was my ancestors intention. They might have tried to end it all and for whatever reason was not able to before having a child. We also don't know if perseverance is a trait someone can inherit. We do know that oppression does effect our DNA. Generations of oppression show up in DNA. Trauma is inherited. Just because my ancestors survived the slave ship does not mean they could handle my life. I am not simplifying the horrors of being changed to hundreds of other people without sunlight, with sickness, with rats, with bugs, with little to no food, in human waste, and being beaten. Just because they could handle being beaten, extreme manual labor, sexual violence, chains, walking long distances, and little to sustain themselves doesn't mean my life would be easy for them. My life came with its own trauma. I also had the hard choice of survive in a way that I know I will live or leave the abuse but maybe die in the streets. My life was a different type of competitive. It wasn't about being physically strong as it is about being mentally capable. They had to work hard to get what they had I had to work just as hard in a different way to get what I have. They had horrible living conditions cold, wet, and unsanitary all cutting down their life expectancy. Stress, anxiety, and depression and cutting down my life expectancy, and it can't be solved by patching a roof or insulation. Their life was physically hard and I'm sure that took a toll on their mental health. I'm sure the mental health was made worse by the atrocities. My life is mentally hard and that takes a toll on my physical health. My physical health is also made worse by the the violence I've endured and the lack of access to healthcare. No one is coming to free me from my situation either. My ancestors hardships and my hardships are not the same in any way or shape. I will never be able to understand how bad slavery was. However, my ancestors being able to survive is not indicative, related, or predisposition for my ability to be able to overcome my life's hardships.