a year in rear-view: Ethos

I do have some trouble writing about this. Ethos is all about ethics and morals, thing i just don't possess. i have been developing my guts and instinct through. what is right or wrong has never really mattered to me. because it seems like very time we get close to an absolute right or wrong there an acception or a circumstance which the rule doesn't need to be fallowed. i don't take much stock in things are so transient and change with the social times. I am not one for change. I really don't like it at all though, i do fully understand that it is part of life. My year went through lots of changes this year. a fiance, 2 different loves, one lesbians counterpart, school, 5 jobs ( through all of the same position), 2 babys (not mine), 3 houses, and a gaggle of friends. i think it is the change that really defines my year. i lost 20 friends before the summer even started. before i walked a cross a stage. one of them was a guy i liked to call my husband. even through me and him where just friends i loved him. I loved him with all my heart and i could marry him and spend the rest of my life with him in a non romantic way. my gut told me i had been betrayed and it was long before i confirmed such as truth. its just things like that tell me that the world is a lawless place. there aren't really any ethics or morals that we all live by. we all like to pretend to fallow so unwritten code but really you take said code and modify it as needed. i just do mine a little bit differently. i am loyal to few people but that doesn't make me any less true to them. and i will stand by there side until i can't anymore. either because they hurt me, they left me,  i physically can't stand in which case i will sit, or they died. i make my decisions based on a hierarchy. and my friends are in the top 5. so i may not fallow the law of the land but my law is just as good. and i think my that standard that i have fallowed my rules. i haven't under cut any of my friends and my family and i are good. but i do wonder why people think that just morals and morals alone gets them a head on the nice list verse me. i have learned a lot this year about myself and the code i choose to live by. it makes me the person i am. and i am not feeling very inclined to change. so this year was ethically irreverent on the count that i lack what would fundamentally be called ethics. but it was another live by the code die by the code year. i did what i thought was right and i am glad about it. 
Stay Fierce yo