2/17/15

Skit: Room 515

A huge part of whether or not my conference experience is positive or negative hinges on my roommates. I am a highly empathic, emotionally intuitive, and feeling person. Which sucks because my least favorite thing to do is talk about how I feel. However, it works because I don't come off this way at all. Unfortunately, all of this kind of come out when you room with me. I need to be comfortable enough to sleep in the same bed as you, which means I have to let my guard down at least a little. Sharing a hotel room with me is a very personal experience. I don't choose roommates lightly. I roomed with Potato and Amoriartii. Potato is a good friend of mine. Shy, multi-talented, funny, keeps me in line, and easy to get along with. I would share my kitchen with them any day. That's a huge compliment by the way. I spent most of my down time with them, a huge emotional support/ sounding bored. I can just be myself with them, and I was. If you're wondering what my true self is like imagine a deviant 5 year old who is defiantly smarter than a 5th grader. I spent a good amount of time just playfully invading Potato's space. We giggled, a lot!! Just general juvenile merriment. While my relationship and interactions with Amoriartii are complex, professional and slightly more mature, but not much. Be still my beating heart that quickens past a flutter whenever he's in the room. I can't quite relax or be myself when it’s just the two of us. I always find myself pulling away from them because I don't want to trust my own desire to get close.  I spent most of my time across the room from them, directly in with their line of sight, and more often than not with potato in the middle. Now that I think about I was always in very powerful poses. Amoriartii and Potato were relaxed but I was in control. Quick digression. In About Face Youth Theater I learned how to read a room and give the setting based on the actors’ movements. It is really a complex thing. Anyway, I find that when all three of us were in the room if someone came in and ask who was in charge, based on how we were posed; it would probably fall to me. I think that set up a strange dynamic for he and I and it defiantly affected the way we interacted this weekend. But I think he forgives me for it. It’s so interesting to watch us all interact under such extreme pressures as a queer conference. I would love for someone to do a psych us it would be very interesting. But for now you’re stuck with my analyst. I am leader, shot caller, organizer, what I say goes. With that said I have a loose grip on things. I'm pretty easy going. I coordinate between my roommates to make sure that everyone wants and desires are for filled. Thank God Potato is easy going to and I only have to deal with one diva that is Amoriartii. Potato is most defiantly a middle ground peace keeping type of person.  They keep me centered. I think they are a little too calm for Amoriartii. Amoriartii is best described as a super fierce drag queen who is also an engineer. The ego is massive. But let it also be known that my ego is also massive. Been there, done that, know everything kinds of sets me apart from a lot of people. However, I've been dealing with the ego thing since High school so I've learned I am not inherently better that anyone else. I've gotten more than a healthy dose of humility. I have learned to celebrate, admire, and appreciate the things that set us apart. I understand that without living someone's life I cannot judge its worth nor is it ever really my place to do so.  Amoriartii is learning how to handle the admiration and stay a person. So what does any of this have to do with the conference? A great deal actually we as roommates establish a space that all of us can retreat from the conference and feel safe. We talk to each other and check in to make sure that we are okay. We make sure we eat. We share some laughs and some snuggles. I almost want to put our room on display and say this is how you have a healthy conference hotel room. For two nights and three days it is our home away from home and it is everything a home should be. Loving, warm, inviting and a place for each of us. It is very hard to leave at the end of the conference and I find that I go through a decent amount of emotional crashing when I leave. But because my roommates are literally the best people I don’t have to go through it alone. We check in and support each other from afar. We debrief and talk about everything from the workshops to our interpersonal relations. Even though I close the door to my hotel with a heavy heart, I know that I leave with some great memories and some beautiful people who will be ready to do this again anytime. The resolve I get from knowing our bond is unbreakable is beyond words. I wish I could show you all the adorable selfie we took night one of us all cuddled up together but I think it is best that the three of us keeps something to ourselves. Instead, I will share the song we discover right as we were checking out and hope you can imagine the somber feelings that came over us in the elevator.

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