2/19/15

Skit: If J-Skittles was your Valentine.

If I was your valentine I would buy you an extravagant assortment of chocolates... then eat half of them. I would also get you flowers even though I think the mass commercialization of romance plays right into the corrupt capitalist system and is very heteronormative. It wouldn't be roses unless they were black or rainbow. I would put more thought into the flowers I got you. Something that speaks to who I think you are or what you mean to me. I would take you shopping so we could pick out what to wear to dinner. We could go thrift shopping or be irresponsible on the magnificent mile, it wouldn't matter to me either way. We would put our loot in the car then just get on the train. We would sight see in part of the city we had never been too. Just get crazy lost until both of our phone batteries almost died. We would stop into a local coffee shop to warm up and charge our phones. Over my hot chocolate and your tea we would talk about which little gallery or unrated museum we would want to go to next. If it was close we would bike or walk. But if its far be both say screw that and take the bus. If I was your valentine I would ask you challenging questions about the exhibits. I would want to understand how you think and see the world. I would watch you look at each different piece, probably sneaking a couple of photos of you looking breath taking pensive. If I was your valentine we would go out to dinner at the spot I've had dinner reservations to for the pas 3 months. We would split a bottle of wine which would worry you because I am driving. If I was your valentine we would probably argue over who got to pick up the check, only for you to find out that I slipped the waiter my card on the way in. There would be a car waiting for us after dinner to take us dancing. I love to dance and it makes you laugh to watch me try to dance well. We would dance the night away. Get a cab back to the car and go home. If I was your valentine valentines day wouldn't just be one day. In the morning I would make you breakfast all fancy like just the way you like it. We would do our morning workout because we push each other to be healthily and I love that about us. Getting ready for the day you would sing in the shower and I be your backup vocalist while I brushed my teeth. We would dance while we got dressed just like we do every morning when we're feeling ourselves. I would give sassy looks and sexy winks while you did your face in the mirror. I would check you out while you checked yourself out before we left. I would check you out while you checked me out while I gave myself the once over. I would kiss you and grab your but while we walked out the door, because we both like a little ass play in the morning. Then we would go to the airport, singing most of the way there between our conversations of where to go. If I was your valentine would get on a plane to somewhere warm. No suitcases, no reservations, no plans just winging it. The entire time we were gone you would have a hard time relaxing and that would annoy me. Just let go of your responsibilities already. We would ultimately get in a fight on the way home. I would not speak to you for the duration of the trip home. You would feel bad for ruing my romantic gesture. You would feel even worse when you go home and saw the candles, the music, wine, and the cute fluffy soft things. You would feel so bad when you started reading the all cute cards I got you and wrote in cuz I couldn't pick just one. You would find a pair of concert tickets to your favorite band in one of those cards and think to yourself how thoughtful I am, and how wrong you are. The hand made blanket that has all the different ways you tell me you love me stitched on it would be the icing on the cake. You would just be about to call me when you notice that there's no chocolate. You would start to wonder why I haven't called you to apologize yet because we are both at fault. Just before you thought yourself into an all out rage there would be a knock at the door. Its me to say I'm sorry. If I was your valentine I would have an extravagant assortment of chocolates to apologize to you... then eat half of them.

This valentine's day I spent it at a conference but I did have a valentine, my best friend, Husband number 7. He and I spent sometime together on Friday and then I spent Sunday night with him too. I miss him greatly and I hate to be so far away from him. He misses cuddling with me and much as I miss cuddling. It has actually screwed up his sleep not having me there. I find great amusement in that. Anyway his valentine to me read:

Roses are red
My meth is blue
I've killed a lot of people but I haven't killed you <3

Mine to him was as follows:

Te:
   Amo
√quila
Because they both mean basically the same thing ;)

All and all great valentines day. I hope you all spent it with someone who loves you just as much as you love them

No comments: