8/29/18

#Sicking Misconceptions: Part 5

The American education system is doing a terrible job. More money on schools that work, training teachers, educational supplies, and replacing the broken system with one that works and less on bombs.

"All men who sleep with men have H.IV and maybe even A.I.D.S." This is just statistically unlikely and actual impossible. There are societies that are untouched by the rest of the world and they have gays too. But I get where this sterotype comes from. The History of the AIDS epidemic is horrifying. Due to the millions of deaths, fear, and activism, medicine has made great strides concerning HIV/AIDS. There are medicines for people who are infected that they can take (if physically and economically accessible) that can keep thier viral load undetectable. as an HIV-positive person’s viral load goes down, the chance of transmitting HIV goes down. Viral load is the amount of HIV in the blood of someone who is HIV-positive. When the viral load is very low, it is called viral suppression. Undetectable viral load is when the amount of HIV in the blood is so low that it can’t be measured. Having a very low or undetectable viral load are much less likely to transmit HIV, about .1% of a chance. Condoms are super helpful in preventing new infections, 99.9% effective when used correctly. There is PrEP, which someone takes everyday (at basically the same time everyday), to significantly lower their chances of being infected. PrEP means Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis, and it's the use of anti-HIVmedications to keep HIV negative people from becoming infected. Studies have shown that PrEP reduces the risk of getting HIV from sex by more than 90% when used consistently. Among people who inject drugs, PrEP reduces the risk of getting HIV by more than 70% when used consistently. However, HIV strains have been mutating and new strains have not been responding to the current version of Prep. There is also PEP. It's lik the morning after pill (Google it if you don't know what the morning after pill is), but for HIV. PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis) means taking antiretroviral medicines (ART) after being potentially exposed to HIV to prevent becoming infected. PEP should be used only in emergency situations and must be started within 72 hours after a recent possible exposure to HIV. It is most effective within 12 hours of exposure and strictly following the treatment plan. Research (researchers in San Francisco possibly this these two Merchant RC, Mayer KH.) shows under those conditions its 99% effective. One will need to take it once or twice daily for 28 days. If you think you’ve recently been exposed to HIV during sex or through sharing needles and works to prepare drugs or if you’ve been sexually assaulted, talk to your health care provider or an emergency room doctor about PEP right away. As a demographic gay men and lesbians in America are the least likely world wide to get new infections. Key populations (Sex workers, prisoners, ect) and their sexual partners account for:
- 47% of new HIV infections globally.
- 95% of new HIV infections in eastern Europe and central Asia and the Middle East and North Africa.
- 16% of new HIV infections in eastern and southern Africa.
- the black people Aka: African Americans, African British people, African Canadians, black people in african countries (not white or other Africans) make up the staggering majority of new infections globally

Queer people who have physical and economical access to sexual health services, tend to be very healthy when it comes to sexual health. Queers get regularly tested more often, use protection more often, treat infections quicker, notify others quicker, and quickly spread information if there is an outbreak better than almost any other demographic, the only ones doing better are doctors and porn stars.

#Queen Misconceptions: Part 4

I think as time goes on America forgets there is suppose to be a separation between religion and government. Religion does not decide government policy.

"Homos hate GOD!"/ "Queers want to end religion!"/ "You cannot be gay and religious!" Homo don't hate GOD. Queers want religious beliefs to stop inhibiting them from getting rights or being treated fairly. Yes you can be devout and homo. Queer and religious aren't opposites, they don't go against each other, they are not mutually exclusive, and not all Queers worship Satan, practice witchcraft, are polytheologic, pagan, or atheist. This one is easy to see where it stems from. The biggest antagonist against queer rights and people are relgious organizations. So in turn you have a lot of angry queers protesting hate against them, which nine times out of 10 are religious groups. However, not all queers reject or are rejected by faith (or faith communities), and not all faith communities reject queers. I go to a the country's largest queer confrence and there is a whole faith track. That means every session there are at least three different religious workshops. There are at least twelve 90 minute sessions over the three workshop days (there are 5 days to this thing by the way). What I do know is that Queers believe that the Christian Church should not run the government. No religion should run the government.  Religious beliefs don't get to determine people's rights. Queers want to end the conflation of church and state. I know a number of queers who were never rejected by their faith communities. They are proud Jews, Christians, Muslims, and Mormons. They are also ridiculously queer. I also know a number of c
queers that have gone back to religion later on in life. Not all queers are atheists not all of us hate religion. Enough of us have had bad experiences with religion to make the community-at-large seem jaded.  The S
Stereotype shouldn't be "queers hate GOD" it should be "people hate queers and use GOD to justify it." Hating people is not really in the spirit Christianity, Judaism, or Islam. The big three abrahamic religions preach love, tolerance, and acceptance. They also say that it is not our (humanity's) place to pass judgment, GOD is the only one who can judge. These haters stop being hypocrites and practice what they say they follow.

#Snatched Misconceptions: Part 3

Okay so I have no idea why the whole thing didn't post. I just noticed it was wrong 5/1/19. Sorry

Why do people say such nonsensical things?
"All homosexuals are pedophiles." / "Gay rights will lead to legalizing pedophilia." If you didn't already know that wasn't true let me be the first to tell you. No one respected in the Queer community is advocating for pedophilia. NO ONE! This is not a thing. It's not acceptable. When it comes to children (anyone not legally an adult) the Queer community wants the following: help and support for the homeless, conversion therapy to be illegal to practice on youth, more resources for their mental health, the right to adopt them, trans youth to be able to get the medical help they need with out their parents consent (hormone blockers and therapy), better inclusive sex Education, free STD testing, free birth control that doesn't need parental consent, rights/legal protection for queer especially when it comes to education.

I think the conflation of pedophiles and queers came partly out of scare tactics that were 100% lies. The other reason I could see the two being grouped together is because of the vanity in the gay male scene. Some grown gay men, especially twinks, look like they are freshman in highschool. I have friends that are almost 30 that look 14. We're so fabulous we stay young forever! If your over 25 but look like your 16 the world doesn't get to shame you or the people a attracted to you.

We're not more prone to pedophilia than heterosexuals. I actually think that because we're fighting so hard to end queer youth suicide that we're more likely to oppose it.

8/28/18

Daily Struggles

Every time I watch a religious ish movie, I remember I need to stop being stubborn. Stubborn people end up in Biblical, Qur'anic, Torahic, and/or, other Abrahamic religious situations. My mom would read my brother Joseph his many stories in the Bible. After I was always like "looks like I'm going to hell cuz there's no one like me in the Bible". My mom would say "Moses, Noah, Jonah, ect we're all like me. GOD would tell them to do something and they would try not to do it, out of spite or just being stubborn. Many people in the Bible fought GOD tooth and nail to try to avoid what he wanted them to do. Sound familiar?" Point being I have to do better. I'm right around biblical age as well.

A few years back, I was in California during one of their many droughts. My friend was smoking and threw her butt into a bush. It quickly caught fire. We scrambled to quickly put it out. After the fire was suppressed, I explained " I'm glad we took care of that before things got biblical. We almost ended up wandering through the desert or carving tablets of stone on top of this mountain. Nobody's got time for that I have a plane to catch in the morning."

Moral of the story is I don't want any more trials or tribulations. I would wish for smooth sailing but that's not safe. I would ask for easy comfortable living but first I have to be sold by my siblings. I'd ask for a simple life that ends with me going to heaven but that's a Saul/Paul kind of thing. I'd ask to be average but all the Marys were average. I think the problem is asking. If I just don't ask for anything maybe I'll be safe.

Skit: remember foxy

Foxy was my platonic romantic partner. I saw him recently for his birthday he has a boyfriend now. I hope they're the real thing. One of two things is going on. 1) They're legit and I am analyzing things too much. Foxy didn't want to cuddle because he has a boyfriend to cuddle. I really did do something to piss foxy off. 2) Foxy's trying to make me jealous with his boyfriend. Because I failed to be jealous foxy is mad at me and that's why they were annoyed with me. Foxy didn't cuddle me because they're trying to make me jealous by being all over their boyfriend.

Either way I'm not seeing foxy for a while. I need to get my shit together anyway.

Skittles: Almost four months later

Trigger warning: suicidal ideation and death

I miss not being in love.
Not being in heartbreak.
I miss being fulfilled
by the sound of laughter my friends make.
I miss being numb.
The not caring.
The empty.
It felt like freedom.
There was nothing.
No pain
No joy.
Being devoid was calming.

I remember every time I would finally be done with the pain of a heartbreak and settle into the numbness. It was always better than the pain for at least a month. However, after a month had passed, for some reason, I always wanted to feel again. I remember hating not being able to be happy or feel excitement. I felt cursed with apathy. There were no highs, there were no lows, there was only nothing. If it rained it ruined my hair didn't care. If I won a race or did really great on a test I thought I failed didn't care. I felt as much as my Android phone. It got harder to fake emotions that I was supposed to have. As time went on, I forgot how to feel those things. If I couldn't remember how surprise felt I couldn't recreate it when needed. I don't know what got me out of the numbness but slowly I started to enjoy life again. But I can't enjoy life right now I'm stuck in constant heartbreak, suicidal ideation, or panic. I loved her so much and I haven't really talked about it with anybody. I need to grieve, I need to heal, and I need someone to still love me (platonically). But right now I'm in such a whirlwind of emotions I don't want to feel anything. It's all too overwhelming. I can't see her, my doctor had me block her on social media. However, she has a business and I still like the page on Facebook. Also we have mutual friends so I see that she's going to or performing at certain events. I always really want to go. I want to see her. I forget to breathe just watching old videos of her. It feels like my heart has stopped. No that's not right. It feels like something is holding my heart stopping it from beating. It's trying but it can't. I watch her and it feels like I'm dying. And then I'm crying. And I can't stop crying. It all still hurts. I feel like I'm drowning. And I'm scared. I'm scared everyday I leave the house and I might see her. I find myself checking events and asking my friends to make sure that she's not there. I feel like I'm hiding all over again. And I just want to die. I can't do this again. I'm falling to pieces.

8/14/18

Daily struggles

I am not a good vagina owner. Every month I'm surprised by blood. Not because I'm not regular, but becuase I forget that it's a new month.
Me: what's that?
Vagina: blood?
Me: already? What month is it? How long has it been?
Vagina: it's August.
Me: Is it really time again? Aren't you early? Are you sure I'm not pregnant?
Vagina: Yes and you would need to get some semen in you some how to be pregnant.
Me: Are you sure? There has got to be some other way?
Vagina: How did you pass Biology or any of you Sex Ed classes?

Skitt: I'd Go Back To You by Selena Gomez

I feel this song. Big Mood!

Anyway I took the lyrics and made it a conversation I'd have with Amoriartii.

Take this love like Tequila
Neither of us meant to have that much
Too much makes me think things I shouldn't
About things I don't want to know to be true
And everything we've done
No matter how we fight it brings us back to this moment
I can lie to everyone but you
But you don't want to know the truth

You break my heart into pieces
But when it heals, it only wants you
And I hate it, I wish I could hate you

I want be with you even when I'm not supposed to
I try to move on, to love someone new
You're stuck in my soul despite me trying to exorcise you
If I could take it all back
I know I'd still be with you
I know I'd still be with you
I know I'd still be with you

We didn't really do this whole thing right
Going over conversations again and again
Overthinking every word replaying your face.
'Cause that's what I do.
Why do we try to hide it?
Everybody knows, they can see it in the way you look at me
And I'll never say I regret a word
But never doubt my love you

You break my heart into pieces
But when it heals, it only wants you
And I hate it, I wish I could hate you

I want be with you even when I'm not supposed to
I try to move on, to love someone new
You're stuck in my soul despite me trying to exorcise you
If I could take it all back
I know I'd still be with you
I know I'd still be with you
I didn't want to do it in the first place
But if I could take it all back
I know I'd still be with you

You've broken my heart
Too many times to count
But when it heals, it only cries out for you
I know it's scary and I know you
You’ll run so far so fast
But if you can just stay put
Fight the fear just for a second
You know I'm the love of your life too

I want be with you even when I'm not supposed to
I try to move on, to love someone new
You're stuck in my soul despite me trying to exorcise you
If I could take it all back
I know I'd still be with you
I know I'd still be with you
I know I'd still be with you

8/10/18

Daily struggles

I have carpal tunnel and I am not enjoying it one bit. I will have to wear a wrist brace for the foreseeable future, have surgery in the next 5 years, go to occupational therapy on and off for the rest of my life, take anti-inflammatory meds for the foreseeable future, and manage the pain with ever increasing strenghts of pain medication. If my wrist and hand had a brain autonomous from my own but could communicate this is how the conversation went down:

Me: dude stop!
Wrist: that's what I said but you kept texting, typing, swiping, and doing that thing when you swim.
Me: skulling?
Wrist: yeah! So now I will cause you pain for the rest of your life!
Me: Dick move! Not cool!
Genitals: Hey! We're offended
Me: you're not a penis.
Genitals: Not yet! But soon, and in our dreams we are.
Me: Ummm.. not in the foreseeable future. That was not part of the plan and if it was the wrist just screwed you out of it.
Wrist: Hey, I haven't visited in months, don't blame me.
Me: I was being metaphorical.
Genitals: This isn't over, we will succeed!
Me: Penis envy much?
Gentials: If our dreams were true, would be at full mast with envy.
Me: I don't know what you mean by our dreams maybe your dreams. But both of you need to stop.

#Kill'n 'Em Misconceptions: Part 2

Why the majority cannot just let minorities live is beyond me. The majority should just mind thier business and stop judging people they know nothing about.

"You must be attracted to the same sex becuase of sexual trauma." You can't be raped gay. In order to cope with tramua mental health professionals have observed some survivors start having sex with the gender opposite of their attacker. The professionals also say once a survivors begin to heal that they normally stop that behavior or identify as bisexual. Peoples sexuality evolves as they do. When a survivor begins the healing process they are rediscovering themsevles. Having sex with the same gender might be something a survivor actually enjoys after they stop using it as a coping mechanism. My two biggest issue with this misconception are: FUCK OFF for chastising a person trying to cope the best way they can in a country that doesn't have free universal health care (but also put a cactus up your ass for chastising a survivor's coping without being part of the solution and treatment plan created for them by the correct certified medical professional). FUCK YOU (any person who says "You must be attracted to the same sex becuase of sexual trauma.") for invalidating someone's sexuality by using rape culture.

8/3/18

#DragThem Misconceptions: Part 1

There are a lot of misconceptions around different identities within the Queer community as well as misconceptions about the community itself. I'm going to try to go over the ones I know that I think are most common or effect the entire community. I will also explain why these ideas about Queer people are simply untrue.

"Being Queer is a choice." I don't know where we are born this way or become this way over time but I know we don't choose to be queer. I think of it as are we born being able to love or do we develope the capacity to love as we grow. I know being queer isn't a choice through. Would someone choose to loose male privilege ( trans people assigned male at birth)? Would someone choose to put a target on thier back making themselves more likely to exspeerince all types of vioilince, higher chance of committing suicide, higher chance of being murdered (specifically but not limited to trans women of color, trans people who don't pass, gender non conforming folks, butch females, and effeminate queer males)? Would someone choose to be more likely to be bullied? Would someone choose to risk family rejection and homelessness? Would a religious person choose possible rejection from their faith community? Would someone choose to loose civil rights like not being fired, rejected for an apartment/condo, not receiving treatment at a public hospital, health insurance covering your needed medication, access to public restroom, the ability to adopt, and say in your romantic partners affairs if they are ill/dead just for being part of a spefic demographic? Would someone choose to loose the possibility of justice for their murder (in most states "Gay Panic" is still a legal defense that will get a person off for murder)? Would someone willingly choose a higher chance of exspeerincing hate? No! No one would. So when people say that being Queer is a choice they are saying we knowingly choose all of that. Or they are saying when a person found out that being queer came with all of that they choose to stay queer. That notion is so far from the truth. Someone can choose to ignore what they know to be true. Someone who is not heterosexual and/or cisgender can choose not to do homosexual, transgender, and/or asexual things. That part is a choice. Mental health professionals say those who choose not to embrace thier queerness are usually extremely depressed and suicidal. Someone who is queer can choose not to be part of the queer community. I have friends like that. They don't go to gay/queer bars, clubs, spaces, centers, or events. They aren't part of an online or digital queer/gay comminty either. They don't go to pride. They seem fine and happy. My friends like that aren't doing it becuase they are being forced not to, they just don't want to. My friends are making that choice. My friends that don't particapte in the queer community still embrace their own identity how they want and don't avoid other queers. If one of my non community queers meets another queer at a party my friends don't run the other way. My friends treat the queer person like any other person. My non community queers meet possible romantic partners doing things my friends like to do, like visiting old book stores or whatever they enjoy doing. My non community queers are still living their truth.  You can't choose whether or not to be queer. You can choose whether or not to try and be happy (and safe).

#Shady Misconceptions: Prelude

First I'm so sorry that this is over a month late. It took a long time to write this final installation of the Pride 2018 Series. I didn't just sit down and write it all at once. I couldn't. I had to sit and think, get outside opinions, and research. I live in a very queer bubble. Not just 90% of my friends identify as at least 1 queer identity. Most of my friends are the "radical" left. Most of my friends are grassroots activist. Most of my friends keep up with new queer theory, both academically and as it developes organically. My 5 closest friends are all queer and everyone of them except for 1 identify with multiple queer identities. 1 of my inner circle knows what's up and coming with queer media and art. They know where things are headed becuase they watched the new trend grow from basically inconception to popular.  With that said I rarely experience hate, see stereotypes, or deal with mainstream issues. I'm privileged in that way and it made this piece hard to write. But it is done now. There are six parts to this and then a four part Bisexual spin-off.