I got the sweetest response to a series of long messages I sent to Gordic after running in to him Saturday afternoon. Basically he hoped I was doing well and that I learned from everything that happened between us. I have learned and it helps me with Amoriartii and Lovely. I am still a good friend like I was back then. I haven't learned to put my feelings before my friendships and I don't think I want to. But I have learned to communicate my feelings instead of running from them. I learned to talk about things even when they are uncomfortable. I have learned to talk about my insecurities instead of being jealous. Jealousy is a really toxic emotion that I only experience when I'm not in a committed relationship of any kind with someone that I have deep feelings for. I was jealous of my best friend's (husband #7) other friends before we talked about it and he was like your being silky becuase I love you and you're my best friend. I need to know where I stand and I have to like it. Anyway I digress, Gordic forgave me, something I thought he would never do. I wouldn't have forgiven me. I forget that Gordic is a much better human than I in almost every way. So this time around I'll do so much better. He is so happy and I don't want to bring him down in any way. But I do desperately miss him. I don't know how to develope a close relationship with someone I will hardly ever see. I know how to preserve close relationships when people move, but I've never had to do it the other way around. So I'm nervous. I don't know where you start. It's also hard to start over becuase we have history. I want to know if he still draws or still writes in his journal? I want to know what video game he's addicted to right now. I really wonder if on Sunday's he still eats oatmeal, watches Buffy, and knits. I guess I can ask. But I'm sacred to move to fast. I'm really excited and I want to know everything I've missed. At the end of the day I'm just over joyed to have my friend back. I've missed him so much.
This is an unedited blog about my thoughts, my life, and my experiences living it. I leave it unedited so I can actually watch myself grow. It forces me to acknowledge my mistakes and learn from them. Feel free to leave comments
6/28/17
Skittles: can we start over Gordic
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