I recently made out then cuddled with an amazing person. They are a badass trans activist, artist, and musician. They are also a beautiful tortured soul. I believe or exsperice help us learn but our trauma really makes us. They been through it. Still so strong and with such heart and optimism despite everything. Becuase I've already used thier real name on here to tell you about their work I'll let you all figure out who I'm taking about. But for the sake of this post I'll call her V for Vendetta. Vendetta posted on Facebook they wanted someone to make out with and I was like yeah if your down to cuddle too. So we met up and I took them home.
I am not the hook up type. I get really nervous and I spend a lot of time in my head instead of just feeling. We talked a lot then I just like playing in people's hair so it went from there. I thought we might hook up but then in the middle of everything they asked me to stop. So I did. I wonder if I did something wrong but I was too scared to ask. I wanted to ask what they liked. I wanted to ask if they wanted to fool around in the morning when we woke up but I was still too scared. V on the other hand was really good at communicating. They asked me what I liked. Asked if they could bite me. Really checked in with me. I felt like they really cared about how I felt. It wasn't awkward either. I always imagined having convos during passionate interactions would kill the mood but it really helps you both be on the same page. Meanwhile I was parlized with fear. I just wanted to be good. I am a perfectionist when it comes to these things. I was so scared I wasn't doing anything right. I really wanted to say something but I was just so scared.
This is what keeps me from hooking up. My fear and how it keeps me from being able to talk during physical interactions. I'm usually very verbal, moans, screams, lots of curse words, and directions (ie to the left, bite me, lower, harder ect). I could barley get a moan out. I think I'm just meant to get to know a person first. Have a well established high level of comfort. Like we can be naked in front of each other for no reason comfortable. Then I feel like I can be myself. I would also like to snuggle first for a whole night's sleep before I get into someone's bottoms. I think if we can just snuggle in only underwear then I can sleep with you after that. I've already gotten down to my skivvies and let you hold me close or held you close. Hopefully you didn't try anything, respected my boundaries, and didn't murder me. If you can do that and I find you attractive and you feel the same then we can probably do the horizontal tango.
Know your boundaries and what makes you comfortable. Also try to make the other person comfortable. The cool thing about my interaction is there was a no and it was acknowledge and respected. You can always stop. No matter what your gender, your orientation, power dynamic, top, bottom, verse, threesome, orgy, making out, holding hands, anything. You can say no and end it. Never do something you don't want to. Never force or coerce someone into doing something. Always acknowledge and respect a no. Be safe and have fun at your own speed
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