It is one year later. Some how the earth continued to spin and made it all the way around the sun after 49 beautiful lives where lost in one fatal shooting. A year later Amoriartii and I are still grieving our losses, Juan, Drew, and Amanda. I always look back and think I could have lost Amanda and the love of my life in one night. That still scares the crap out of me. So much so that I want to hold Amoriartii so close and never let them go. Never go to another gay club or queer event. But I can't live my life in fear and I can't keep them from the world. The world needs them. The world needs us to be brave and keep living authentically. I want to fight becuase for the few hours I had to question whether or not my love was alive were some of the worst hours of my life. When I found out Amanda was dead and my heart dropped out of my chest, I need to fight to never feel that again. When I cried for the next few days I never want to go through that again so I need to fight. Becuase trans lives and queer lives are still being lost to violince everyday. More that 300 trans people have been murdered around the world already this year. That means someone's life love is never coming back. Someone's friend is never coming back. Someone has panicked only to find out they are dead. Someone's heart drop out of thier chest receiving the news. Someone is spending weeks crying. Next year someone will visit a grave just like I did and still be in eminence pain. But they won't have community to mourn with. They won't have their love one remembered for years to come. They won't have a world remember. They will hurt in silence, forgotten, and alone. I could not bear this pain alone and I don't know how people do it. But I fight for them, thier loved ones, and Amanda. Step up. Take action and love each other fearrlessly, proudly, and fiercely.
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