Skittles: I'm too afraid to hope

This week me and Cyborg entered into a conditionally polyamorous relationship. This came about becuase of my need to be romantic with  Amoriartii. Cyborg is actually the best person becuase rather than give up on our relationship like I expected him to he wants to try. He is very monogamous so giving up on the relationship isn't the right wording of the situation. I don't and would not want Cyborg to comprises himself for me.  I feel like that is partially what is happening though he assures me it's not. I  know that if we try this and it doesn't work Cyborg is out. As heartbroken as I would be, I would rather us end it then one of us compromise ourselves for the other.  However, that leaves me with Amoriartii, and I don’t know if that is a good thing.  I already say I love them and sometimes they say it back. Rarely Amoriartii will say I love you first and I always say it back. I know it's a silly thing to worry about. But to me it shows consistency and let me know how they feel. I feel like I'm in the dark about their feelings. I want to know exactly how they feel about me and how I would fit into thier life before I go any further. I know we can't tell what the future holds but it makes me uncomfortable not knowing and being so close to a romantic relationship. I'm too afraid to hope for a relationship with Amoriartii becuase it could end me.  I'm so in love that it last forever or it hurts forever. I want to be in  Amoriartii's life for the rest of our lives but if we end poorly I can't say I could even handle being acquaintances. I'm scared of what the rest of the year will bring for both Cyborg and I, Amoriartii and I, Cyborg and Amoriartii, and Félix (Amoriartii's boyfriend) and I.