Skit: Nato / the eclipse

hey hey hey. so a lot happened this week aka last week. you know the time is still off i  think i'm a  week ahead of you so i write about things that have just happened and it will be two weeks old by the time you read it.  i am sitting in my literature class and i am trying to decide whether i should write about Nato or if i should write about the eclipse. well my lit partner who shall not be named due to her own preferences (aka the fact that she would shank me) said i should write about both and she is pretty dang smart ( she is going to MIT). so i will. for those of you who don't know the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (Nato) was terrorizing the Midwest. specifically the area i call home, the greater Chicago land area our the transportation system. i could not go any where this weekend. ( not that i had a place to go. i had guard class all weekend but if i wanted to go some where i would have been some kinda ...) any way  they were here. the whole purpose of the summit to my understanding is to talk about the treaty that they hold with each other and what that looks like in terms of military. it is a military treaty. what i think they are really doing is spending hella government money that nobody ( but china) has but i digress. when you talk about bring a lot of world leaders and lots of people with money and power to one place together you will get a lot of hippies, protesters and police. for some reason and i don't know why protesters and police don't mix ( you think after years and years of clash there would be some kind of middle ground they would reach). through i am not exactly sure what was supposed to be accomplished at this summit i really do not think they got that much actually done ( much like government here in America ). in the news which i watched so that i could write this blog all they talked about was the fine job that the police did and how much money having the convention here actually cost. not once did they say something about the things discuses at the convention ( except for what Obama said about pulling our soldiers out of the middle east). the news is so informative. what i do know about Nato is that nobody died as of yet. people were brutally beaten and it was all around quiet on the terrorist front surprisingly. if you asked me what was said or what was done i would not know but i tried to find out. another thing happened over the weekend: a solar eclipse! in my region we only got about 70% of the eclipse. i didn't get any of it because there was a freakin' tree blocking my dam way. the sun was also setting and from were i was this weekend I could not get a view of the sun set. however there will be another eclipse in 2017 and we will get all of that one and i will be able to see it cuz i  will sit on my roof . like a boss. what! i was very sad that i wasn't able to see it. i had solar shades and everything. you need special shades to look at the sun they like really cheap 3D glasses like the ones you use to get in the movie theater that where just film and cardboard. so  jank like you have no idea. 


" fish, whats happened in my life in the past week?" "you don't know?" " no, i don't. if i did i wouldn't be asking you." "that's pretty shady yo. how do you get so fucked up you don't remember a week?" " that's not what happened" "how would you know" " shut up fish" ( fish is one of my school friends who i talk to a lot.) the last thing i remember is Saturday it is now Thursday. actually i remember my weekend  but the week days are kind of a blur. it is just one of those you wake up and its Friday and your like woa where did the time go. i can't remember a dang thing that has happened since Sunday. ( get your minds out the gutter it hasn't been one of those weeks) its just i have been so busy I am up to my eyeballs in responsibility and i just feel the weight of it all on my shoulders. i need more time. to complete all this work. Jezz. um but other than my life life being completely out of control ( i think it is just that time of the year for me cuz i swear it happens every year around the same time) some stuff has been going on in my Misters' life too. ( he is really my homosexual mistress but he thinks mistress is a female term and he wants to be a mister because he say he clearly has a penis. through i tried to explain to him genitalia doesn't necessarily mean your one gender or the  other. but he didn't listen to me) i proclaim it month of the snaking aka secretly, discretely, underhandly, and quietly stealing other peoples partners. ( who's down with OPP) because that's all that has been happening lately. i just want to point out that i have avoid snaking all year and i feel it should be my right to par take in such dastardly events as a reward for being good all year. however all of my consciences ( it is a committee of people since i lack one on the inside people have volunteered to be my morals and what not)  disagree they say it is "wrong" or something like that. people are wrong the world is nasty but people keep living and life goes on. (yes i am a bit of a cynic) i want to take part in the reindeer games to. when shall it be my turn to steal and shmang. never according to the consciences but i think if i disobey them they will live. i don't know what i am going to do yet but it will be fun and maybe even epic we will see. lol :) 
Stay Fierce 

Skitt: food for thought

Interesting topic for today’s blog, you know some food for thought (finally). I really wanted to explore the idea of self viewing and the teen age view of time. “skittles this sounds serious and boring" well it isn't meant to be light hearted but it isn't meant to be serious either and I think since it lies somewhere between those to mediums that it can be interesting in a thought provoking way hopefully. I don't quite know if my thoughts will make you go hmmm in a I want to think about this some more, I just hope they don't make you go hmmm what should I tell my girl friend to go put on my sandwich. Okay so I was sitting at a train stop with my friend and we were talking about girls and boys and how cute they were and how my way of judging people as attractive or not was better than her way. When I stopped and I thought omg I’m a teen age girl (still!!!) Which to me was surprising and shocking. to my friend however, it was apparently funny and obvious. I know I am a girl I have never been the person who identifies more with one gender over another. I am a girl and I know I just don't like to show it. I have never seen myself as girly as I was acting earlier today. I have always seen myself as having a more stereotypical boy brain. I have always seen myself as this tom boy a girl who prefers to be with the boys. But I have noticed as I enter a new phase of my life that how I view myself is changing and it is often situational. At home around the house and just with in close proximity, I act a lot like a dude in how I dress act, talk, sit. Then when I am out and about with friends running errands or just not close to home you get more of the tom boy. But at a formal event I am defiantly a girl through I like for queer formal events to be a man. As I sat with my friends talking about how important it is for us to have a strong self image I realize that I myself assured self is fading. To me it seemed like for a long time I was so sure of myself I had this strong self image I was able to project confidence because I was. But now after all these years I’m not any more what gives? You know? Then my friend pointed out something else about teen ager our concept of time is so messed up. Along time to me is a yr heck even 6 months seems to be forever away when a long time should really be 5-10 years. Think about it your in school for a long time for k-12th grade that is a long time. My friend said it’s a life time. And I thought that was terribly sad because it is true. It is a life time depending on where you live or what type of community surrounds the school you go to. That means in what a teen ager considers a life time you as a person might not have a strong self image. In a life time yourself image could change more than 10 times. I am not the person I once saw myself as. I defiantly have changed and matured (my spelling and grammar skills through not so much) but I had to step back to look at the big picture so that I could see what time means to me. Then I had to step forward again and take a closer look at myself. I know having a strong self image is important but I now see that I have a life time to develop it and it is so okay for me to change and evolve I thought I was going to be the same person I am in four yrs but the truth is after 4 yrs passes I could do a complete 360 and be something that I never once dreamed of being. I am accepting that as true and opening up to experience that will shape who I am going to be in 4 yrs which is a really short time to do a lot of changing but what will happen will happen and what wont won't ,and I’m not going to say I can't change that because it is totally my life and I control what happens and what doesn't but I can't change all of it. Because some of it has been set in stone from the first decision I made at the beginning of last yr but I can make the outcome of my choices as favorable as possible so it guides me towards this person I see myself being/ and how I see myself now.

One more thing on the actual blog topic then we can do my life which I know none of you actually want to read about. How do we form these self images because what I look like in my head, how I look in a mirror, and how other people see me are 3 completely different images? I always thought we formed our self images and how we want to see ourselves in our own heads was based of personality charatistic we value along with the physical aspects that we visual find pleasing. I know I have always valued light skin over dark but not pale more like a cocoa butter or a woven basket type color. So when I see myself in my head I’m defiantly darker in real life than I am in my head I mean that always made it easier to draw myself in grade school I got to be the " pretty brow crayon" vs. the " ugly" one.  But I until know I have never question why even at a young age did I value one crayon over another. So when you drew yourself or if you drew your ideal self right now what would it look like and why do you think looking like that is prettier that how you look now. Just think about it.

Skittle's life is aright I guess. It is warmer now and I like it and I hate it I like it cuz that means I can give less of a hoot when getting dress I no longer have to wear pants a coat a sweat shirt gym shoes socks.  So much less clothing :) that I have to care if I am wearing. Also I don't have to adjust as much the only thing I have to know is if I need an umbrella or not cuz now the forecast will read hot as hell with a chance of heat stroke or hot as hell with a chance of being electrocuted by the sky.  I like that the girls are wearing less and the hot guys go shirtless cuz we sexy and we know it :) I like being able to go to the beach and having a legit reason to look like a whore. (Cuz it is hot as hell with a chance of heat stroke)  I like the fact that I can cook outside: D and sleep outside and chill outside and that the sun doesn’t set till like8 it is so beautiful. I like riddin' round the city with my speaker blasted and going to parties for booty shaking. The one thing that ruins it all for me is that every gangster, scrub, convict, dope boy, or just in general random guy thinks he can halla. They be like ehh yo shawty can I talk to you for a min. No you can't talk to me ehh yo don't work on me and you don't know me like that to be calling me shawty. Leave me alone I don't want no scrub. If you can't walk next to me and say hello miss my name is _ what’s yours? I don't want to know what your name is what your number is and no you can't know mine. You’re not my type so have a nice day Booboo. Lol but everything else about summer is great. I just hate all the attention I get from the wrong places.

stay fierce 

QP

i have never been happier in my life. i had the worst time for the pass few weeks. between college, testing,  and my mother >:( i have been  super stressed and down. i was busy and unhappy, my friends got so worried because i turned off my phone and didn't go on Facebook (which is  unusual for me cuz i am always in constant contact with one of them) one was posted on my wall like " did you fall off the face of the earth are you alive, contact me some how or i'm filing a missing person report" i a still alive ( as you can see) and physically fine i was just in a kinda of down ish. however i have the ultimate cure for my kind of down in dumps feeling here  is what you need: 5-10 good friends, food, music, beverages,  lots of  other people (a few attractive ones is ideal but not mandatory) and a dance floor. "but skittles this sounds like a party." what!?no its not a party per-say it  is a good time that happens to have  music and dancing. " um but i think it is" fine its a party. but is is more than that. if you can forget about all your problems for a few hours and just have a good time everything seems okay afterwards. you feel refreshed and now you can handle all the things that seemed to be killing you the day before. don't get me wrong i still have a  shit load of work to get done but that break was needed. i think i might have exploded with out it. just a chance to divert my attention to something else and let lose was great. but other than this post being about letting lose it is a thank you to the people who put on these events viva  la sida yall some bad ass mofos for real. also all the people who attend cuz i mean if only 5 people go it isn't fun. so thank you for showing up looking fierce and bring positive energy in to the space. last but not least i have to thank my friends  (because yall who read my blog on do regular know i can't say it enough i LOVE THEM) all these people this part has inspire me for my summer anthem/ theme/ motto. its Dance again dance again video . that song embodies how i want to spend my summer. i want to dance with my friends maybe meet a few ladies along the way but i really just want to be with friends dancing and have a good time. words can't explain the high i get from just being on the dance floor with them. so that's going to be my song and my objective. whats yours going to be?

if you couldn't tell i had a blast at QP. but i am  so bummed cuz i can't find one dam pic of me from that night. which could be a good thing depending on what i was doing while the photo was taken. i was good from the time i arrived till about 8 then i wanted to dance. and dance i did. i was on the stage in a train i sat down sometimes it seems either not to be a good idea or i don't stay seated for long.  none of the girls i liked were there so i met a new girl who reminds me so much of ragazza voce they are like the same person it was kind of funny. my favorite moment through by far was when me and my love circle all danced together in our own little train ( which is unusual for us) we normally break off into our little dance pairs  but we came together and it was awesome! oh by the way sorry  for the extra late post. i write post early sometimes weeks in advance and i schedule them to post on the blog. however i didn't know the post that i had scheduled to post didn't post till about 5 secs ago ( 5:09pm 5/12) so i posted it now. hopefully this one will go up when it is suppose too. my Bon Jovi phase is over for the moment sadly. but you can't dance to Bon Jovi so he had to be replaced. i am already writing next weeks post and it is a good one so tuned

STAY FIERCE 

a raw poem.

The time has come
To stand or fall
To see if you really mean it when you say
You only live once
Lets see who is alive today
So if you have the spine.pain away
If life doesn't give you lemons
You still got to make your lemonade
When it is all said and done 
will you be  the one
Who will be on the death bed
Able to say
Its my life
And i lived every bit of it
The i wanted to
Will you?
when walking on egg shells
Are you willing to crack some of those eggs
the time came
And they called your name
Did you shout it out loud
No
Nothing but a faint whisper came out
Sold your dreams for the money 
Confessions of a sellout

Bon Jovi  (been it a  bit of a Jovi mood lately i like it)

I became my own worse enemy. i got scared and back down from what i truly believed in in my heart. Part of me wants a vacation from struggling and clawing all the time. Even through my hearts not in doing it the this way even though it is easier it just seemed so impossible to do it the way i wanted to. i guess i would have figured it out in the end but  easy can't be so bad right. How miserable could i be with a silver spoon in my mouth. i guess i just keep going back to this wasn;t my choice. This wasn't how it was suppose to be. this is my life but now i don't feel like i am living it any more. but now that i am on this road i have to see where it goes and make the best of it. Maybe i can make my parents dream mine.

oh by the way queer prom is this week. i wrote this last week and was kinda depressed about stupid things but it is a whole week later when you will be reading this so i should be in a better mood. you use to be two weeks behind but i had nothing to write about last week so i didn't because i didn't have too. so you're getting closer to my actual life in real time. you should be caught up by the 16 cuz i will not be writing this week ( 6-12) i have AP tests.  i don't know what i am doing for cinco de mayo but i will be doing something cuz i like food and i like to party. so i will tell you guys what i did if I ended up doing something. i will also tell you what happened at queer prom. stuff is getting pretty heavy at school. i have about a month left. Which is fine but that means i have less time to spend with the people i love. ( my love circle and some of my school friends ) i have about a month and  3 weeks of summer between when i graduate and when i move into my dorm. That's just not enough time. I need more time.  There is so much to do.

 Got to stay Fierce 

Love, Lust, and the L word

I am sure I was going to write about something intelligent but I forgot it before I got my laptop to work so... This is what I wanted to write about when I remembered I had to do a blog post for this week. For those of you who watch Logo then you get the reference. For those of you who don't get the reference, go watch logo. You won't regret it. (If you watch the right shows and movies). This has nothing to do with Logo but I like how the title sounds with the name of the show in there. Guys, I have lady problems. Well I have problems period but the ones I am going to talk about revolve around women. I like these three girls code name  李某, ragazza voce, and lieben (you guys have heard about lieben before but I cannot remember what I called her all I know is she is the turquoise lines in “and I went down hard" and ragazza voce is one of the people in my circle) with all of that said lets continue the story. Oh wait one more detail all these fine ladies where at NON. Anyway, I just met  李某 she is mad cool let me tell you. I would not mind getting to know here better cuz she's got swag. I wouldn't mind sweating her. ( Not in a sexual way through, remember I just met her.) She is just really cool, and that's all I have to say about that :) ragazza voce is sweet and I love her personality. She has this chill, relax vibe going on and I can dig it. But she is spending so much of her summer out of the state :( so all the time I would like to spend with her, I can't. Which totally harshs my relationship mellow. She possesses this coy nature about her that makes her so attractive through. Last but not least is lieben. Oh my goodness what to say about her. Captivating comes to mind. Then I think about her smile, her laugh, and how sweet she is. Ingenuitive is the next word that pops in to my head when I think about her. Then I go back to her smile pardon me I am about to have a very nerdy moment, her smile reminds me of Sirius (a star goggle it) making her the brightest thing in my galaxy. It makes you feel warmer and fuzzy on the inside like cute puppies or maybe it’s just me. I like her so much it hurts and she is mad at me. :( For good reason I assure  you but if she only knew how I felt she would not be mad. but I am not going to tell her until after May 9th ( I have a big test I have to study for and that is the day I have to take and then after that day I will be free to do what I want. but until then I have to try not to scribble her name in my note book and study. it isn't going so well.) I really want to ask her out now but I know I don’t have the time yet. But I don’t know if I can hold back my feelings for her much longer either. What to do, what to do? I think I will go live under a rock for the rest of my life where attractive people with modest personalities won’t plague me. I mean if you haven't noticed I really just want to be with Lieben but I don't know if that is going to work out. We will see who I decide to be with some time in may hopefully or I will be blogging under a rock.

NON was pretty dam good. that was the most fun i have had all yr since last years NON. I love my guys friends they can dance theirs butts off. we didn't get rained out. i looked fabulous and i just had a really great time dance and being with people who believe in the same things that i do. i know i am not telling you everything that happened and that's because there is a lot i can't tell you. this is the Internet. this is like spring break except R rated fun ( not really though but still). it was a night i will never forget that's for sure. the next amazing event is Queer Prom and i am wearing a dress to that thanks to my Gay Guy friends who voted against my pants idea. Not excited for this dress, but i am stoked for QP. we are making wishes breaking hearts ( not really) yolobs ( you only live once but shorter cuz its us). hey stay tuned maybe i will remember what i was actually going to talk about today tomorrow. who knows? i didn't feel like doing the color words today. Plus i have a major head ache, my eyes would pop out my head and my brain would shoot its self if i tried doing that today. i'm blue Da  Ba Bee i'm blue Da Dee. i love that song  and thats whats playing as i write this but i really want to hear you give love a bad name cuz that would be to perfect given this post and i just love Bon Jovi. you know i think i will. Shot through the heart


Stay Fierce