Skittles: once I was 7 years old

Once I was 7 years old. I was having trouble making friends and I was very lonely. I also had trouble spelling and writing. I was being bullied. I wasn't focusing on my school work and was acting out in class. They wanted to hold me back but my mom and teacher insisted that I be tested for learning disabilities because some of my standardize test scores were well above average. I got tested and they said I have ADHD and several language processing disorders. I was given a daily session to work one-on-one with a special education teacher to help with spelling and writing. I was put in therapy to learn to socialize properly. I didn't really learn to "people". I did learn how to manipulate. By the time I was 11 I was doing high school math and science, reading college level books, writing comprehensive and defined essays. I lied all time. I acted older because I knew how. This defined me for the rest of my life with respects to school.

Once I was 13 years old and my dad said go in the house and study. I never had friends before and was use to spending time alone. I was trusted because I was smart. I could go out into the city by myself. I read a lot on the internet and played a lot of video games. I learned whatever I wanted in my spare time and my parents would support my desire by funding my science projects. I realized I was bisexual at 13 and fell into the queer community. I finally had friends to go out with. We did everything together, lived loudly and proudly. I found camaraderie, community, and family in the queer community. I started writing, learning, protesting, and teaching. I didn't do it for fame or friends. I did it because I finally found people who loved and understood me. I wanted to find others who felt lost and rejected. I started becoming the activist I am today when I was 13 years old.

Once I was 20 years old and I got diagnosed with depression. I use to have fire and persistence. I use to love learning even when it got hard. But I wasn't going to give up on my dream of being an engineer. I wasn't going to give up activism either. I started my own company at 19. I was traveling the states telling people about my life and engaging in important discussions. I was the social queer intern at one of the best universities in the country. I just started traveling internationally for fun. I wanted to do it all by myself. I wanted success so bad. But I didn't want people to see me struggle. I thought it would make me less than I was. I learned that there were so many people like me suffering. I realize I could let people see my imperfections and still be successful. I leaned on people and they didn't let me down. I loved and received love in return. I was able to thrive with the collective. I built a community around our common struggle. When one of us would fall we were there to pick them up. We are all invested in the well being of one another. I'm still writing, learning, teaching, fighting, and protesting. I tell anyone who will listen about my history and what is going on now. This isn't the path I choose or intended on taking but, having to forge a new way is it's own rewarding adventure.

I'm almost half way through my 20's. Soon I'll be 30 years old. I've learned more than I could have ever hoped and I'm on track to achieve more than I ever thought possible. I've told my story and hopefully will be able to continue. All I want is to reach people and let them know there is someone out there like them. Someone who has gone through this. Someone who truly sees them as they are and accepts that. I want to continue to travel the world. I want to continue to roam free. My collective has grown and all I want for all of them is happiness. I've lost some loved ones along the way and I'm doing my best to learn from my mistakes. For the ones I've lost I'm sorry. I hope to settle down have my complex family. I've got so much love and I think it would go to waste if I don't foster long time partnerships.

But once I was 7 years old and life was very lonely.