You all remember last week when I reminded you all that the Queer community isn't this fun care free magical place. It is more like Hogwarts but not british and probably a lot more sex. Now before you all go " but Hogwarts is a fun magical place." you are only remembering part of the story. Remember the snake that was killing people, how many evil professors worked their, the dragons, the main sport there usually puts the athletes in the infirmary, the tree with an attitude that will definitely kill you without a second thought, the stairs that moved just cuz they wanted to mess with the students, the racism, misogyny, pure blood nazi, ect. I could go on for a long time. Yes, there are great parts of Hogwarts but there was/ is some fucked up things going on there. The queer community is exactly like that. A particular general group with in the community that catches hell inside and outside the queer community are any genders that are not strictly male or strictly female (male and female being binary gender).
Okay so let's break this down because this covers so many genders and expressions. We are going to start with the binary with the exception of intersex. You will understand why that isn't binary when we get there. There is cisgender, one's gender identity agrees with the sex they were assigned at birth. If one was born with a penis, balls, and prostate they are assigned male. When they are old enough to start defining who they are ( usually around the age of 3), and they say they are a boy then he is probably cisgender. If they say they are a girl, she is probably trans. Any declaration of gender identity by a 3yr old should always be explored, questioned (in a curious way that invites the child to think and explore), and affirmed. Similarly if a baby is born with a uterus, clitoris, vagina, and fallopian tubes they are assigned female. If they say they are a girl then she is probably cisgender. If they say they are a boy then he is probably trans. If they are born with a combination of genital like a vagnia and a prostate, a penis and a uterus, ect they are intersex. Most babies born this way have "corrective surgery" to only leave them with one kind of genitals penis/balls or vagina/uterus. There are very few cases where the "corrective surgery" is medically necessary, meaning the baby is going to have life threatening, life inhibiting, or long term medical problems if the baby was to stay intersex. Parents either want the surgery due to their own bias, misconceptions, doctor's pressuring them, the doctor's bias, or fear of their child being bullied. Whether or not the baby gets the surgery or not, they grow up they can announce that they are a boy, a girl, intersex, gender fluid (fluctuating between male to female or going male, both/intersex, and female), bigender (male and female, male and intersex, female and intersex) or trigender (male, female, and intersex) and all of that would still be considered cisgender. Anything else would be trans.
Other binary genders include: demiboy, trans male, trans female, demigirl, bigender (male and female), gender fluid (with the spectrum for the fluidity going between male and female), and gender non conforming (with in the binary). Again I have not named all the binary gender identities. I'm sure there are more than I just don't know about. I didn't list two Spirit because I do not know enough about that gender identity to be able to say it is or can be a binary gender.
Now that we have covered the binary genders to the best of my ability, let's talk about all the other possibly non binary gender identities I know about a decent bit of info about. When I say technical I mean how the masses/the internet define the identity. This does not mean everyone who identifies as said item identity defines it that way. I think us queers tend to take words that are close or similar to how we feel and just use that.
Non Binary: pride flag (from top to bottom) Yellow, White, Purple, Black. This is a gender identity and an umbrella for a lot of other gender identities. This also is my current gender identity. I do not feel like a woman/female/girl/lady/Goddess or man/male/boy/gentleman/God. I was raised and socialized to grow into a women. That didn't happen. I don't know what it means to be a man either. I think it's hard to describe the male gender in a way that is free from toxic masculinity. I have yet to figure out what that looks like yet so I don't ascribe to the male gender either. I am making up my gender as I go along. I want to do live in a gender that is not oppressive, steeped in colonization, or European ideal/eurocentric. It's been difficult. There is only one defining rule about being Non Binary, one does not identify as/is not either binary gender. That's it. With in the queer community people don't understand that there isn't just one way to be non binary. People try to be very strict about what is and isn't non binary but like I said there is only 1 rule. Two different people can have 2 different definitions of their non binary identity. Again we are not mass produced in a factory. Outside the community we have a higher chance of facing violence if you don't look male or female, if you are visibly female but trying to look more masculine, or if you are visibly male but trying to look more female. People misgender non binary people all the time. I use they/them pronouns and the title Mx. I get called miss, young lady, she, her, ect all the time. On days when I am really struggling with how female my body is and then get misgendered, I feel so low. There are also your garden variety asswholes who refuse to acknowledge that "they" is a gender neutral singular pronoun. Don't believe that "they" can be a singular gender neutral pronoun? Too bad, I've already done it multiple times in this post and you didn't reject it earlier. Look here is the first two times I used "they" as a singular gender neutral pronoun "There is cisgender, one's gender identity agrees with the sex they were assigned at birth. If one was born with a penis, balls, and a prostate they are assigned male." I am talking about one person in both sentences. No, its not different because in both of those sentences one doesn't know the gender of the person thus making it acceptable. If people can do it for a stranger people can do it for a non binary person. As someone who is defining my gender as I go along I get really upset when people say I don't look Non binary. Again one universal way to be non binary doesn't exist. Thus one universal way to look non binary also doesn't exist. When we can look as close to the way we want to look, we can wear whatever clothing helps us get as close as possible. It is also hard to go to the restroom in public. If there isn't a single occupancy bathroom available non binary people have to choose which one to go to. No, this does not mean we are actually what ever binary bathroom we use. Most non binary people go to the one they feel safest in at that moment. If I look more feminine then I go to the female bathroom. If I look really masculine then I go to the male bathroom. The only time this changes is when I'm in a queer space. Then I go to whichever has the shortest line. Many binary folks struggle to understand this gender. It is hard to comprehend something that is not male or female but some other gender. We are not raised or socialized to even think there could be something different. It is also difficult to be non binary. For me is really confusing, frustrating, and upsetting. I am jealous of everyone who has an innate sense of their gender and have words/a label to describe it. Non binary people are just trying to live their lives maybe everyone else could try to let them live it.
Agender: pride flag Black, Grey, White, Green, White, Grey, Black. The technical definition for this one is to not have a gender identity. An Agender person does not have a gender identity. Agender is not a gender identity it is a word used to describe a state of being. With in the community there are a lot of questions. What pronouns does an Agender person use, don't pronouns align with gender identities, what's it like not having a gender, how does an agender person shop for clothes, but said Agender person looks so (insert gender here), how does an Agender person pick a hairstyle, ect. Just like the bathrooms for non binary people picking pronouns does not change the fact that an Agender person doesn't have a gender. English is a shitty language and there are many things we do not have words for. Outside the community it seems that no one can grasp the concept of not having a gender, especially if you can see the agender person. I think we are conditioned to gender people on sight. Most of the time people can see a stranger and give them one of the 2 binary genders. That's fine, but what about when a person tells you that don't have a gender identity? Why is that so hard to understand? It is difficult to dress in a way were someone could easily look at a person and say "that person doesn't have a gender." What would they be wearing? A shirt that says I am Agender? Bathrooms can be a struggle for them as well. It all depends on how they are perceived. Let the Aliens (they are humans but if we think of them as beings not from this world we'll stop trying to force our ways on them) live their Agender life.
Neutrois: pride flag White, Green, Black. This one technically means having a neutral gender. I personally have no idea what that means or entails. Unlike agender this is a gender identity. What is neutral? Neutral in relationship to what? Are they many different neutral genders? All of these question I do not have the answer to. I will just continue to repeat myself and say there is more that one way to be Neutrois. I can safely say they also face the same issues that I've already been stated: misconceptions / misunderstandings, pronouns equal gender identity, bathrooms equal gender identity, violence, stop telling then what their identity is/is not, stop telling them how to live their gender identity, and there is no style guide for this gender either. Nevertheless (and despite all the BS) they keep existing.
Bigender: pride flag Dark pink, Rosé Pink, Lavender, White, Lavender, Sky Blue, Blue
Trigender: pride flag Pink, Dark Periwinkle, Green, Dark Periwinkle, Pink
Polygender: pride flag Black, Grey, Pink, Yellow, Light Blue
Pangender: pride flag Yellow, Peach, Pastel Pink, White, Pastel Pink, Peach, Yellow
Remember the nuances between the differences of certain sexualities from the last post this is going to be very similar to that. Very important, sometimes small, nuance are the distinguishing factors between these identities. Bigender can be a a non binary identity as long as one of the two genders is not binary one. I understand Bigender as having two distinct gender identities at the same time like non binary and intersex. I understand trigender as having three distinct gender identities at the same time. Polygender is more than 3 genders but not all genders at the same time. Pangender is too many genders to count or all of the genders that one knows of at once. Usually everyone's first reaction to everything after bigender, is that sounds made-up. It's real. Even if you can't understand it just accept it and move on.
For people of color, a lot of civilizations had more than two gender options before they were colonized. For some people of color they are able to find records of those genders that are basically lost. Some people of color are able to talk to elders and find out about other gender options their culture has/had. A lot of indigenous ethnicities in what is now the United States had at least three gender options. Some people of color are able to find those genders and that becomes their non-binary identity. I am not going to try to list any because I have done enough research on where particular POC gender identities hail from. Just know they are out the.
Some other notes on gender:
Genderflux: is a gender identity in which the gender intensity varies over time.
Genderfluid: moving between genders or having a fluctuating gender identity.
Don't quote me on this one: Omnipenultigender: a specific type of gender fluid where your gender changes based on who you are attracted to, to match with the gender(s) they are attracted to. ⬅ I do this. I still call myself non binary but I very much change my gender expression based on who I'm dating or attracted to. When I was with Cyclops I was less than than usual but still Fem. I've never really gotten to be Masc in a relationship. With Vendetta I got to actually non-binary and really pay attention to what I was feeling with regards to my gender.
There is a lot going on in the gender universe. Sometimes a person may not fully understand or understand a specific gender identity at all, but that's okay. What's important is that we are accepting loving trying to understand keeping our freaking judgments to ourselves.
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