This weekend I attended a conference called Sex Down South in Atlanta from Thursday to Saturday. I learned a lot of educational information that I will share in a different post, but every conference has a social aspect and that's what I want to talk about. I stayed with Amoriartii, Love Lace (who I refer to as lovely in desert dreams), and two other friends who shall not be named. All of us stayed in one a 2 double bed hotle room. So we were cozy to say the least but still remarkably comfortable. Despite being literally on top of each other all the time we never felt like our personal space was being invaded or that we lacked the space for me time. We were able to honor each other and our space with out making rules but just simply constantly considering everyone else. From checking in when we would undress to speaking up for our own emotional and personal needs. There was so much love in the room even though everyone did not personally know everyone at the beginning. We quickly developed a cannon and repor fostered by genuine respect. We had the ability to feel comfortable calling each other out, teasing one another, and being vulnerable. I think that this phenomenon that keeps accruing with similar values but different feel is what I like most about conference and creates an emotional high for me. To be loved and be able to love while being myself in a stressful but enjoyable situation is what happens at every conference I attend. And my body doesn't know how to react when it is ultimately over in 3-5 days. This is what I've been calling post conference depression. Because in my opinion I've actually been high for 3 days off of and excess of positive brian chemicals. My brain over produces things like serotonin, oxytocin, plus a lot of endorphins because I'm constantly simulating it in a good way. And when the conference is over and everyone leaves the stimulus is gone. It's like quitting anything addictive cold turkey, you immediately go through withdrawal and depression. All the laughing is gone. The physical contact, hugs and cuddles, is over. The verbal reminders of that you are loved and cared for stop. I was told I was loved and that they loved me every day and even if you are the type of person who doesn't put much stock in words still being told everyday multiple times a day that you are loved starts to get to you. There was a pain in my chest when I got home like I had just had my heart broken. It hurts and you seek out comfort because no one wants to be in pain. I could drink I could do drugs but instead I choose to reach out to my hotel room mates to see how they were doing. Low and behold all of them were hurting too but to talk to each other made it a little better. This is all to say that we all felt it and now are all missing each other. Are connection is real and when broken has physical and emotional consequences. Which blows my mind because we were together for such a short time. But in that time we did something I consider radical and that is honestly accept, respect, and loved one another.
#sds
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