I read an article about what its like for someone to be depressed and in love. I actually read a lot if articles on the subject. One thing I find that come up a lot is the irrational fear that their depression is one day going to push their partner of 5 years, 8 years, or 10 plus years away. I know its not rational, and to ask them to feel rationally about it is unfair. I just don't know what to say to that. They have been with you this long through the ugliest of times why would they leave now? But that's a rational thought. I am thankful my depression isn't like that. In the relationship I am completely confident and secure. Why would they leave me I'm awesome? I don't have fits of crying. I don't really cry at all. I should probably cry more. But in my readings depressed people cry for no reason or reasons that don't make sense to them. My depression isn't like that at all. They also have times where they and their partner made plans in advance and when the time comes to carry out those plans its on one of their bad days. So they don't do whatever they were suppose to effectively canceling. I don't cancel unless I'm sick and dying or it wasn't that important. I pull it together. Someone is counting on me. I might be late but I'll be there. My depression doesn't really affect my relationships outside my irritability. I have mood swings, but I try not to take my feelings out on the other person. It's not their fault and normally the reason for whatever I am feeling is irrational anyway. That, however, leads to feelings of distance, because I'm constantly pulling away. Unless my partner is really empathic they wouldn't know what I was feeling and I wouldn't tell them. Most of the people I like are empathic and can sense my emotions. They already know and understand and that helps a lot because normally don't feel like talking about it. I don't want the entire relationship to be about the fact that I am depressed. I am depressed and I love and for the most part no one would know unless I told them. I act just like everyone else, but the love does effect my depression. I get so high of of the feeling of being in love that it basically cures me. Everything seems easier, lighter, and more like the way my life use to be. Eventually it just goes away. Depression is strange and is different for everyone. However it does seem like there is kind of a norm out there of what depression looks like and it is not the same as the common stereotype. Love is kinda similar hopefully not in a debilitating way and its strange and different for everyone. I would hope that people out there who read articles like this and the ones I've come across realizes this. You have your own depression so how you love or will be loved might be different. That is completely okay. We don't here its okay to be different enough so let me say it if your depression love isn't like mine but it works for you then your still doing it right.
Stay fierce
J Skittles
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