Skitt: friendship X/

I hate being the good friend. I am the one people come to in their time of need. I am the one you eat ice cream and watch netflix with. I am the shoulder that gets cried on. I am the ear that listens. It seems to be my only function in everyone's life. Normally I don't mind and rather enjoy it because it has its advantages like deep dark secrets. But sometimes I want to be more than the good the good friend. It always happens to the friend that needs me to be the good friend the most. They need me to be their rock and all I want to do is hold them and never let go.  I sit across from them on the coach and hand them tissues to wipe their eyes but I want to dry their tears. I want to make sure they never feel that way again not just be there to pick up the pieces. I want to tell them that they are loved more than they think they are. That someone cares about them more than they realize. I dream about being with them when we are apart. I long to get closer when we are together. But they need a friend so I put up the walls, and unknowingly they keep tearing them down. I push them away but they keep getting closer. It hurts so much to keep myself from them. I want to be with them and I can't and on top of that I have to be the one to keep them away because they don't know and I can't tell them. Simple nice things that they do because by now we are good friends makes me cry. I get to the point where I can't take it anymore. I love them and I'd die to be with them. The joy they bring me is indescribable but so is the pain of being with them like this. I don't want to hurt them or ruin our friendship with my petty jealousy. So I push them away for good. We fight and they don't know why we are fighting or why I'm angry. I avoid them and they don't know why. They feel hurt and betrayed. But its all I can do to keep from telling them. Or worse from doing something to hurt them because they did something, unaware that it hurt me. Every fight from them on I have to make sure it doesn't slip. That I win. All it takes is that one fight when they are so angry and so hurt and they ask me why? Because I love you!! And I can't stop loving you. And its hurting me to love you. So I need them to keep their distance. So they never know. Why their good friend left them and all of a sudden started hating them. I don't hate them. I love them and hate what I become. I hate that I can't love them but do. I hate being the good friend who could never tell them. Because I am suppose to eat ice cream and pizza. Watch Netflix and play video games. Be the shoulder to cry on and the ear listens. The one who is always there for you. Respects you. Tells you truth. Makes you laugh and brighten yours day. Dries your eyes. But not the one that loves you. ;(