skit: stuff that comes up in my unofficial love circle lol jk but really though

Updates, yeah! “No, not yeah, Skittles why aren’t we getting a blog with meaning and what not? We don’t want an updates.” If you continue to read, instead of questioning me, you would see that this eventually leads to important thing. “Really?” No. I can’t be witty and insightful every week that is demanding. It would help if you people left me topics to blog about. Then on days, or in this case weeks, when I run into one of my “funks” I could take one of your awesome questions and answer them. That way you wouldn’t be stuck with this crap. In the meantime, I could tell you a story about my personal life but you really do not want to hear about that. So instead I am going to tell you about this discussion about stereotypes me and my friends had. So I have this group of theater friends ( yes we are all gay ) and we were talking about Glee. Anyway when I told them I don’t watch Glee they all gasped, and where really taken back. Like I have to watch Glee cause I am queer.  I mean there are things that we do that are kinda stereotypical and it is okay but don’t expect everyone to do it just because it is a gay stereotype. so apparently if you don’t live up to a certain stereotype you a bad queer and they ( the secret closet council of Queers and Queens) will revoke you queer card. This was news to me. personally I think so of these stereotypes are regional ( to the Midwest) but you know I wouldn’t know.  So here is a list of some rules I didn’t know existed: you must own a tutu, must watch Glee, must be good at glitter art, must own something glittery and sparkly, must own rainbow suspenders, must have rainbow belt,  attended a pride,  and must be involved in at least one queer activity such as theater choir dance GSA. ( word didn’t like how long this was becoming so continued)  must have a rainbow article of clothing not including things already mentioned, must know how to queer prance ( it is like a really Queer skip), must know how to diva snap,  and above all the most important rule is you must be FIERCE. (This can mean a lot for different people but to mean it means you are comfortable and confident with your sexuality.) I admit I do par take in a lot of these stereotypes but I don’t expect everyone to. What are some stereotypes that you guys have heard of. Send them to me so I can shock my pals with some of them. 

so as you herd above i have this theater group and there all gay but the reason for that is that the whole theater company is gay or least my section of it is. it is a theater/ out reach program for queer youth (13-23). it focuses on supporting and teach us valuable skills just not acting skills. like i am not an actor i have the worst stage fright there is but i go because it helps me with public speaking and overcoming my fears. it helps with talking making yourself herd and sounding interesting. i mean it also helps with acting and that is the main foucs but it isn't why i go. if you would like more info because you live in the Chi message me. lets see what else do i want to tell you guys. i mean there is a lot i want to tell you but due to the nature of my relationship status at this moment there is not much i can tell you that won't cause me to get in trouble with somebody so. until next time. stay proud and fierce. and leave comments, onions, questions,
ciao

Burning A Bleeding Rainbow

I want to talk to guys about something very serious. However, I can't tell you much with out being very ambitious, or i will give to much real life detail away. so this post won't make much sense because i am not going to say it out right you will just have to figure it out. I don't know exactly how to begin but i know what i want to convey.  I find that if i start at the end i can work my way backwards to the beginning.  In the end it ruins lives and relationships. I personally have had to go through it with 4 of my friends where things got out of hand. I had to watch them put my friends down. i can't go through that again,m so i knew i had to speak out.  I know that we ( i say we cause i have done it before, i have done better and worse) are not thinking about the stress that we are putting on the relationships that we have with the people around us when we are doing it. I know we aren't thinking about the people that are worried about us. I know we aren't thinking about the long term repercussions or damage that we are doing to ourselves by doing it. and if we are then we are thinking we won't even live that long to have to face those repercussions. And if you let it get that far then no you won't, but there are people who do have to answer for your actions. or maybe they don't have to answer for your actions but they are effected by them just the same. when a person leaves this earth ( or returns to it deepening on what you believe) they always leave someone behind. even a person who has no one. The M.E still has to look at you. People still have to bury or burn you. some where along in this process some one will stop and care a little. but i don't even want you to get that far. I know i am a hypocrite because i had people telling me the same thing and i didn't listen till i saw it happen to one of my friends. but seriously you have to stop. it is a bad habit, and inferior coping method, and a awful way to make yourself feel better, because in reality your just hurting yourself more. i have sent friends to the doctor for it, yeah they hated me for awhile. i actually have a friend who is just starting to talk to me again but they still hate me. I am glad that they hate me to cause now i don't have to hate myself. I know you feel like crap when our doing it. trust me i have been there, but i have pulled myself out of that dark place to know that those scars don't represent the pain i caused my self those line, those marks, they represent the pain i caused my sisters and my brother and my friends. i was so selfish cause i could have talked to them they could have helped me. there is always someone out there who is willing to help. i meet people online that i don't even know and i am willing to help. put whatever it is down. wash it off put on some neosporin if needed ad some band aids and get some help. i did and i am better for it. Please get help, because there is a person like me out there for you, maybe you just haven't met them yet. i know a girl and i am worried sick about her and i am sure at some point somebody is was or will be worried about you.  

Oranges and Apples

Okay, so in my last post I was telling you about two very special ladies Kimmi and Skrill. As you, people know I dated Kimmi a while ago, so she came first. And know I am very interested in Skrill. The only problem is the more I get to know Skrill the more she reminds me of Kimmi, and that scars the shit out of me. I mean I don’t know her that well so, I won’t be doing anything rash, but I can already see the comparison. I feel like crap because you are not supposed to compare the past to the present. Nevertheless, I really can’t help it everything I loved about Kimmi I really like in Skrill. I mean they are different people yes but their personalities are so much alike. I want to like Skrill for Skrill, not for Kimmi. However, I don’t know if I can do that. I mean if I was in complete control of myself, I would be able to do that, but I feel so stupid next her, and I can’t talk, almost as if I am just starting to learn English. I want to be confident like I am when I am away from here cause I know she needs that. Things happened Friday and she confided in one of our mutual friends (which was fine because she has known them longer) but I wish it were me. I want to be the one she confides in, and talks to and shares things with. I want her to tell me things. I want … I want to hold her hand, so bad. I know that sounds really lame and childish, but I feel really sentimental about Skrill. I don’t want to rush anything with her. I want to do things right. Move at the right pace, do things at the right time, say the right stuff. I would like to stay up on the phone with her all night, talking about nothing, something physical. It is emotional and I want that emotional connect. So yes, all I want to do is hold her hand.

Yes her fav color is blue. shut up hahahaha, i am not a hopeless romantic, cause i will have you know i  am not hopeless. i can be a  cynic  if i wanted to be. actually for a long time i was. but i think it just takes the right women to take a playa and tame change em'  into a the person that they know they can be. i think later this week, probably Sunday, i will post about my amazing summit that is happening this Saturday, if i survive. ( if you know about the great gay gathering it is like that but better cause i am there i i run some stuff with my  friends) you might be wondering what does she mean " if she survives " . well the first workshop i have to lead ( is extremely early in the morning in my mind for a Saturday but it is worth it) is with Skrill's best friend/ ex girl friend / protector, M, who i am horribly terrified of  ( not really cause Boss ( that is M's preferred gender pronoun) is actually really nice once you get pass the death looks and she is hot!!!! but that is not important). but i have a sleepover with Skrill the night before the summit so Boss might kill me. i will let you know.

see ya later. post comments. would love to here from yall, especially if you had a great Valentine's day or want to hear about my Valentine's day. what you all think of the Valentine posted for you guys. i hope you liked it. leave me comments, oh wait i think i already said that, oh well i can say it again. oh  hit me up if you live in the Chicago land area and are in grade school or high school and want to come to the summit. see you guys next week  ;)

A valentine from me to you.

I wanted to send you  you all a Valentine's day card to let you know that I appreciate every single on of you that read my blog. but before you watch the video i thought i might share some words first. only problem is i can't think of anything clever and heart felt to say, because this is a blog and there really are general thing you can say so that every person reading this will feel special, though they should. ( in short i am really lazy lol jk). I am really thankful that you take the time out of your day to fallow my blog or even care what i have to say.  it means a lot to me. Thank you very much, and have a super awesome, ultra magnum, Valentine's day. and with out further ado what you all have been waiting for... THE LINK TO THE VIDEO!!!!!  Valentine's Day Card

                                                           Truly Yours:

J Skittle

*P.S: yes red is for Valentine's day. no this is not your one post of the week. this is one of those special occasion post so be on the look out for another post :)

Skit : what i was suppose to blog about Wednesday

My Mother and I got in to a heated hypothetical debate about Prop 8 and Queer rights. My mother is what I would call a right wing conservative when it comes to anything queer hahaha. I laugh cause it is going to kill her when she finds out not only is her daughter is Queer but ze is a queer activist. (At least I like to fancy myself one) and her precious son who does no wrong (my little brother) who is also probably Gay. If you don't know what prop 8 is you should Google it because I give the crappiest most inaccurate description of it ever. In my mind (feel free to correct me if I am wrong), it is a prop about banning Queer marriage. At least that is what I took away from my 10 min research about it. Personally, I think banning gay marriage is unconstitutional. It is blatant discrimination. Why, because it is religiously wrong, and we are a predominately religious country so we are S.O.L. I think that is some kind of messed up because love has nothing to do with religion and that Queers should be afforded the same rights as the straight people. I don't think legislation in Washington should have the right to say my love is wrong unless I can say his is too. Who can love who should not be up to public opinion. If I chose to marry another female, I want the tax benefits and the legal consequences (like acquiring a person's debts). I want to be able to sign the birth certificate and have parental right. I want to be held responsible for the child actions when they destroy public property just as much as her other mom is. I understand that there are religious implications. That marriage is a word that comes from the bible and I get that a Queer partnership totally disagrees with what the Good Book says. I get it but I am not asking to be married in a church or have to approval of the religious community. I just want the same right that the government grants every ones else. I don't care if I have to go before a priest or a judge I just want my rights.

in  other not as important news i keep discovering over and over that i am an idiot. especially when it comes to girls i really like. like there are probably only a hand full of girls that can make me go crazy and feel really stupid. like my really high IQ goes to zero around girl like this. and i don't know what is about them that is different from all the other girls i have ever come in contact with or dated or know. they stand alone in there own little category. and in my life time i have only met 2 girls like this and man to be with them is like being high.but like a good excited fast paced adrenaline pumping high. it is euphoric and highly addictive. it is so crazy cuz things move so fast and i never want to look back. but these girls remind me so much of each other. you know the name of the first girl Kimmi but this new girl  lets call her Skrill  reminds me so much of Kimmi that is scars me. but this a story for another post. cuz i feel like i need to get this all out.and now is not the time.

oh so the reason i didn't color the top was because i feel like it is very important  and  didn't want to take away from it by putting a a quirky color pattern. also i kind like the color thing i did for less important news i think i am going to stick with that until i get sick of it or find something better. make sure to leave me comments people. i know you are out there blogger tells me so lol. so right there in the little box write something. you can post as anonymous. i think it adds to the mystery and mystery is sexy!!!! 

cupid shot me.. quick, call the police!

i need to talk to some one because i am going some what insane inside my head. i have a crush and she is the most amazing person i have ever known. she is funny and exciting and a breath of fresh air. and as a person asthma it is not everyday that  some one takes my breath away not only to breathe new life in to me again. she is so cool. i think about her all the time, like i can't sleep because i am thinking about her. i don't know what to say to convey how i feel about her. it is way pass the butterflies in my stomach and weak knees. i just don't know what to do she makes me cuckoo but i like it.  it is like a chemical reaction and trust me there is more than just smoke.

oh by the way sometimes this week like tomorrow i think i will post about prop 8 and marriage. i was listening to people talk about it on the news so i wanted to share my thoughts about it with yall. oh yeah  getting political up in the beatch. that's right shits getting serious. but till them your stuck with my mindless drool because i have a crush 

leave me comments, k. ta-ta for now

and I went down...hard

You have to ask her today

No, I am too scared. I said I would ask her when I grew a spine. That hasn't happened yet.

If you don't ask her I will tell her

You wouldn't Abe. I would kill you, nonviolently and supportingly of course.

 that is how my meetings start off. I was going to ask her to day and all the divas knew it. they bother me the whole time did you ask did you ask did you ask yet. 

Come on just ask already.

No!

Ask who what?

Nothing it is a secret.

A secret a secret tell me the secret.

now she knows there is a secret. this makes things so much harder. especially when the secret is just a simple question. I was nervous enough now she knows somethings up. why i am so lame.

Abe if you squeal i will get you... supportively of course 

what happened to nonviolently.

No this will be very violent 

Oooo i am scared hahahaha

we split up in to groups Abe with her and me with her friend. what will be said in that room when i am not there. will Abe tell her. what will he say. will she squeeze it out of him. i can't stand being in another room. i am glad i can here through the walls

Abe if you tell her...

So it is about me

Now she knows 

mike she knows nothing Abe tell her nothing

Tell me the secret.

I sat next to the wall so i could hear them and i pulled up a chair for her friend. i want her to like me. i know she doesn't like me. to be honest i am kinda afraid of her. but by the end of the this break out time maybe i won't be so afraid.

tell me the secret

You haven't asked yet

I am afraid Zach

what secret, there is a secret.

there is no secret

i had to tell the guys and crystal the secrets so that they would know i had to leave the girls in the dark. that way less people would bother me about the secret.

tell me the secret!

no tell us the secret

No!

Abe tell us the secret.

No Abe don't tell! 

okay i will tell you the secret

I ran to covers Abe's mouth he could not tell her not like this. i had to her. we ran all over the the office so that we could avoid them trying to make them tell us the secret. we escaped  it into the elevator. i made it all the way down sitars but i forgot my coke. so i had to go back up for it 

dudududududududududud dadadada 

what are you doing here 

tell me the secret

ahhhhhhhhhh

dude did she just tackle her to the ground

i had my soda and i put it in my book bag. then the next thing i knew i was on the ground. i was laughing so hard i was dying and crying. i started to choke on the air. it has been a long time since i have been tackled. and i was tackled hard. so i went down. and i didn't want to get up i was content to just lay there with here 

Now tell me the secret!

Nope!

you will not get way from me with out telling me!

uh hu, okay

we left the building on our way home. i should got on the L and yelled down to her at the last second that would have been cool. i should have done it. i should have asked her while the door where closing when i got off the train. bad ass. but know this is what i did

i could see her at the dance if i go. are you going to the dance?

maybe i really don't like dance...

well if you go then i will go with you and we can be obnoxiousness together.

Okay!

then as i got of the train she tried to pull me back. i should have kissed her. just like in the movies. it would have been so romantic. and the doors would have stayed open and i wouldn't have  missed my stop. things would have rolled in slow motion. just like in the movies but i pulled away

tell me the secret.

i already kinda sorta told you the secret

tell me the secret!

You already know the secret!

i wanted it to be big i wanted to be bold. but it was me and she liked me. i wan't to be big. i wanted to be bad and feel all high and mighty. but not i was softer and lighter. like 1 2 3 4 tell me that you love me more

raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens 

look at me i am singing singing 

bright copper kettles and warm fuzzy mittens

these are a few of my favorite things

extra extra bacon and glitter on unicorns the bright yellow duck and her warm woolly scarfs. being tackled  to ground with laugher that ring these are a few our favorite things . take that Julie Andrews

this is your fallow up post by the way

rondom skit (that bothers me about me)

no this is not a skit. i just have lots of stuff i want to say and i never get a chance to to say a lot of it. not even on here.  like i wanted to blog about black history month and how (why) it bugs the hell out of me and i really don't like this month at all. or about how teenagers ( who attend fast paced/ stressful school) are going through mid life crises. i don't even curse on this blog which really bugs me because there are a lot of four letter words in my vocabulary which would explain how a feel a lot better than any eloquently written sentence ever could . but because i want the blog to be open for the world to see i have to restrict myself. i mean i don't know who could be reading this blog. it could be my friend or it could be a future employer. like i want to be myself on this blog but i also don't want to offend people. so i have to mix in some acting with the real me but the lines between actor and the real version get really blurred sometimes. i mean it is just really fuzzy. i find through i am the me-est when i am being the queerest. and i know that must sound weird but here me out. i am recently discovering myself ( recent with respect to how long i have known other thing about me). i declared myself Bi about 4 yrs ago. so queer me is about 4 yrs old innocent and young but the rest of me like swimmer me is about 14 and has conformed a lot already. i hope this makes sense and yall are like  " j skittle you one crazy mo fo". but i want to be more like queerest me you know i really don't want to be a prisoner of my own political correctness any more. i want to look back on something and say thanks for the memories ( i am listening to Fall Out Boy don't judge me ). so i want you know that from now on we as par-takers of the blog are going to operate on this lovely system call assume best intentions that way i can write my mind and you guys can't be like "your jerk j skittle" i mean you can but most of the time you will be misunderstanding me if you think that. or you might understand me completely and still think i am jerk which is fine with me. i would rather be understood and be thought of as a jerk then be misunderstood and be thought of as a nice guy. so before we go any farther in our blogger relationship i had to get that out the way.

Express Yourself Without Jeopardizing Yourself

what else what else. as you can see i write what come to my head as sit in front of my laptop to write for you Zies (gender neutral pronouns told you i was working on it ). i write how i feel and my feelings are drastically effected by music which i listen to as i write ( i am listening to Gold Dust (Flux Pavillion Remix right now.) i like these shorter post i think i should do more "random skit (insert topic here)" stuff. still working this stuff out this is my first public blog. i have a private one where i write poetry and only my editors are allowed to read those so. you Zies should have seen me when i found out people where actually reading this i freaked. so i will keep writing till you tell me stop. but now that i think about it i have never really been one for listening to instructions so i might continue to write lol :) btdubes fav photo yet. leave me comments and if you can't someone needs to tell me so i can figure out how to fix it. oh if you are reading this from Trevor space click on my blog (click the title. click it. click it. click it real good lol.) it will take you to blogger and then you can leave me comments.  which i will read and respond to cuz care. thanks for reading.  ciao