My reproductive system is the only system I nag for being a failure. No, I'm trying to get pregnant. I have other organs or bodily systems that malfunction but I do not complain. My lungs don't want to work, fine. My immune system wants to attack basically everything, I'll deal with it. My sinus system prevents me from smelling 90% of the time, and I never complain. My brain has never pass a complete systems check, but whatever. But let me not get hot and bothered when I want to... This system cause me unreasonable amounts of pain. The glands don't always work like they are suppose to. Unpredictable and erratic behavior as far as systems in the body go. It's the only one where an internal organ tried to become external. I hate it and ever since it became operational I think she has hated me. I loathe it all.
4/15/19
Skit: the Notre Dame cathedral fire
I mourn the Notre Dame cathedral. I get why people are so sad about the fact that a good portion of the cathedral burned down. It is a church which is a religious symbol for a lot of people. It has history which is important to a lot of people. It's architectural astounding given the time it was which is important to people. It is gorgeous which is important to people. Now the cathedral is damaged and the severity of that damage is unknown at this moment. The watching something that is so important to so many people, not just the citizens of Paris and France but of the world, burn elicited a response. I have friends that have been hurt by the Catholic Church. They're angry and I understand that pain. They are rather content to watch it burn and it was a cathartic experience for them. There are a lot people who are hurt by the effects of Napoleon and watching the cathedral burn feels just. I witness their pain and I think it's important for them to understand that now is not the time to fight pain with pain. Now is the time to use pain to understand pain. I can understand something that has in recent years has been a source of friction can cause more tensions due to this disaster. But the cathedral is beautiful, I've seen it. You don't have to believe in God to go into that church. Go because it's gorgeous. Sit in the pew not to pray but to feel the peace. Approach the altar not to repent but to marvel. You don't have to be religious or even Christian to be moved by the Notre Dame cathedral. You don't even have to have eyes. You can touch the stones, wood, glass and the metal accents. If you just touch it you can understand the intricacies of the work that one into it. If you listen you can hear the bells, the organ, or simply the acoustics and it's moving. I don't have a keen sense of smell but I'm sure it's smells amazing the incense and all the history in the air in that building. But if you see it, even from the outside it's so... stunning. For a second you forget about the history and you can just be in awe. I'm not saying after you see it you should forget about the bad history because context is important. I'm saying the cathedral burned and now something so beautiful has been ruined. Now that beauty can't spark wonder, can't inspire, and can't give peace. Now that it has been ruined and it can't be a source good to offset the wrong.
4/8/19
4/2/19
Skittles: Hopefully we get another lifetime
When I met Amoriartii, I it felt like I've known them my whole life. Like I knew them in a past life. A past lives where we still managed to get it wrong. We keep coming back because we have to get it right. We're meant to be together and until we can get it right we're cursed to return to walk this Earth. We're meant for for this love. Our matter, our essence call out to each other in this universe and we manage to find each other again and again. I don't know how many times loved didn't conquer all but I feel like we're running out of time. This planet doesn't have many more lives left. So I hope we get the chance to try again in the next life as humans again and enjoy the complexities of human love. You know, before the planet is no longer suitable for human life. So ideally we'll love each other next lifetime. I hope we spend the end of everything (Earth) together because it's just the beginning of our entangled infinity together.