Daily struggles

When just enough little things don't go your way so you get so irritated. Currently don't have patience for things moving very slowly

Daily struggles

I need to wash my hair. But it's also 1 a.m.. Who died and put me in charge of my life?

Skittles: 3/19/19

I love Amoriartii but there is nothing I can do about that right now. I'm walking around lighter because I know Vendetta is currently out of the state. I've been not doing my job. I haven't been seeing a therapist. I'm really over weight. I met a boy and he's magical and I'm not really going to tell you all about him yet. I've been staying up till 3 in the morning. I've been sleeping until noon. I've been throwing up before I go to sleep (not by choice). I've been relaxing. I need to make a plan. I need to see my friends. I need to work more. I'm not ready for my birthday. I might not go. I'll think about some things and come back to them. I can't stay here forever and there is stress in not doing what I think I should be, But also I need this right now.

Skittles: survival of the laziest

So I worked at the ice rink today which isn't what  I normally do. There was like 15 of us. We're closing for the night so we got to clean up. I'm finishing up my task and I found my coworkers Brian singing and cleaning in 1 of the last 3 room. They were the dirtiest out of the 12. He has the voice of an angel by the way sounds like Sam Smith. Anyway I noticed that it was pretty empty and I was wondering where my co workers went. I found them eating all the food. They had finished the last two XL pizzas and there were only 5 hotdogs left and 2 pretzels.  I had 2 hotdogs. I mentioned that 1 of co-workers could sing and they spent a few minutes trying to figure out who it was. After that we're all leaving. There were only 4 of us left in the building not counting Brian. I was wondering when Brian was. I ask who was the guy with dark hair and glasses. After spending a couple minutes of name that white guy (Kevin, Matt, Brad, Zach)  we realized it Brian. They were all convinced that Brian had left. I was like no the last time I saw him he was cleaning. They were like no he's gone and they were turning out the lights. Then Brian came out of the last room he was assigned to clean like
Brian: "hey! Why are the lights out?"
Everyone else: "Oh  shit we almost locked Brian in."
Brian:"where is everybody?" 
Me:"They  all ate all the food, clocked out and left. "
Brian: *in disbelief goes to check* " Y'all didn't leave me any?"
Evan *the manager*: "You're a trooper. Best employee buddy that should be enough of a reward."
Me: " Don't try to play it off like you didn't forget about him and almost lock him in." 🤣
Brian: "Man, 😑 I quit I'm not even coming back tomorrow. "
Evan: "We weren't going to lock you in we only turned off the lights cuz then anyone still here would shout and we would know someone is still here."
Brian: "I  was in one if the rooms I wouldn't have noticed till I came out and couldn't see. "
Me: " I say you quit and join 1 of singing shows. When they ask you what prompted you to do the competition you can tell about this."
Brain: "And  years later when I'm famous I'll give an interview on about how my coworkers did me wrong and that gave me the motivation to be rich and famous."
Evan: " You can't be rich year later an be still salty.
Me: "Yes you can. Have a salinity higher than the dead sea. The new saltiest body of water is now Brian. You did all that hard work best out of all of us and didn't get any food. Only lazy people got to eat." *Shaking my head*🤣
Brian: " Imma be mad with my millions."

Daily struggles

Please let this year bad mojo be over

Skitt: What it feels like to love them today

I love them and it's killing me.
Which I'm sure if said before.
I didn't learn the first time.
So I came back for some more.
I love them and it's killing me.
So one would think I would quit.
That would be the smart thing to do.
Everyone advises me to end it.
I love them and it's killing me.
High blood pressure induced by stress.
Heart-stopping anxiety.
Nights wrought with nightmares and sleeplessness .
I love them and it's killing me.
My brain screaming let them go.
A heart that only beats for them.
Feet frozen with indecision in limbo.
I love them and it's killing me.
Because I won't breakup .
Because I can't walk away.
Because I don't know how to give up .
I love them and it's killing me.
A love a derived from my core.
A love that I can feel in my bones.
A love every fiber in my being bore.
I love them and it's killing me.
In a way only music understands.
And as poetic as Shakespeare.
The foundation upon which art stands.
I love them and it's killing me
So I guess I'll have to die.
Love with every drop of blood.
I won't waste my last breath on goodbyes.

Here Lies Love

Skittles: life update 3/7/19

I'm dating Latka. I'm not in school. I'm applying for a job I don't know if I want. Taking my meds everyday is not currently happening. I don't work that often. I have a lot of friends that I don't see in person. I have a lot of anxiety over one person in my life. I'm still hurting. I don't have a friend that I go out and party with. I have wine nights every month. I'm looking for a new "friend". I'm heartbroken. I'm not going to therapy. I've stopped crying. I have feelings for Lovely that I can't shake. I miss Vendetta and regret giving her that name. I spend a lot of time alone. I'm definitely touch starved. I keep dreaming that Amoriartii dies and it ruins me. I am indifferent about dying and reluctantly living. I'm trying to lose weight. I spend my time being really gay.

Daily struggles

Analyzing my loved ones something I try not to do and something I should do more. Being aware of how I affect them. I'm trying to figure out if I'm toxic in any of my friend's life which means I would need to leave.

Skittles: where is my reward

Hey fatty, squishy, very soft, very fragile, and electric organ aka brain!
I drank the clear liquid that was not vodka or any other alcohol. There was no burn, I dislike. I ate the leafy green rabbit food. Would have preferred dead animals that eats leafy green. Middle man (cow) needs job too. I ate fleshy sugary tasty coating of the tree seed. Which is stupid because my poop does not help grow more trees. I ate the good bread, not the empty calorie is not good for you tastey bread. At night I laid unconscious for 8 hours.  Big waste of time. I got a significant amount of light from the nearest star. I did the swimmy swimmy for an hour. I don't like being cold wet with no pressure that only last a millisecond. I passed all the test! I completed the quest give me that happy chemicals.