Why do I do this? I do this to myself I know. I am addicted. I am so use to life with you I am incapable of leaving you. Someone please drag me away. I don't hate you, yet. The distance helps. We are so volatile. I am still very upset with you. But I don't want you to leave. I need to find a way for us to be just friends because that's the only way I can keep you in my life. If we can't we are good for a little while. Probably longer than either of us would exspect. The distance is a very good thing. But we will burn out or burn up. We are too intense together. You are everything I have ever dreamed of in a lover. A true partner, someone I can grow with, and we compliment each other perfectly. I want to live the rest of my life with you in it. Our souls complete each other. For some reason God keeps me alive, but you keep me in love. No one knows me with out even trying like you do. I'd never known someone better than I know myself until I met you. I will keep trying not to love you as long as you promise to keep trying not to love me. On your wedding day we will sneak a moment alone together. We won't say anything because we don't have to. We have never needed words. We will both know you are doing the logical thing and making appropriate career move. You will want me to say something, anything, I won't. You will think that means its not meant to be. We are meant to be but maybe not this life time? We will give each other one more longing glance, hoping for a sign, then we will officially agree to pretend to not love each other for the rest of ourlives. It will be a pointless struggle. We will die without anyone else knowing the truth. The person that survives the other's death ( you better out live me. You owe me that much.) will always wonder what if. You will die shortly after me, unexplainable ( broken heart syndrome though). Then maybe the next time we can get it right.
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