My dad has been concerned about me lately because I have been talking in my sleep. I have never been one to talk about what is really bothering me with my parents I like to figure it out myself. With that said my dad and I are still pretty close. I do talk to him a lot. Lately I have been talking to him about the fact that my family has been pushing me to date. Now I expected my father to treat me like daddy's little girl and say you don't have to date if you don't want to. That's not what happened at all. He didn't say I have to date because he knows that I don't just causally date. I have to fall for someone but he is worried about me like a father worries about a son who's in a bit of a dry spell. He talked about never really worrying about me because he felt like he had the best parts of having a daughter and a son in one person. Now with that said he doesn't really think I will marry a guy. He doesn't believe that I really like men. In short he thinks I'm a lesbian. Normally people have a hard time convincing their family that they like the same sex. They say its just a phase or you just haven't met the right opposite sex person. I have had the exact opposite problem with my family. My siblings, my dad, and my step father all know (I'm out to them) and they all agree I'm a lesbians. I am not a lesbian! My older siblings and my step dad all agree I am also basically a boy who cross dress. Let me explain that. Ever since I was little they have been calling me little boy. Before I knew I was Bi. They treated me like a boy. They decided because I liked science, outside, climbing, being dirty, and playing ruff I was a boy. I don't like dolls, tea parties, pink, anything frilly, stuffed animals, or generally anything deemed girly so not a girl. But I make a dam attractive girl so if its important that's usually how I choose to present. So my older brother started calling me his cross dressing brother. Then my other older siblings fell in line too. My step dad started when he saw me in my prom dress. He said "you make a might pretty girl son." So when my siblings introduce me its this is my brother the cross dressing lesbian. I've never been bothered by my families gendering of me or their understanding of my sexuality. I've never really cared to pick a gender. I don't feel like anything I've come across really fits me. So when queers ask me what pronoun do I use I answer all of them. My gender is unimportant to my identity I have grown up answering to everything from girl/boy to it. It being my favorite by far but the word it makes people uncomfortable so only my close friends call me it. I think I am uniquely blessed for having a family that is so understanding and strange. I would die without their love and support and I've had it since I was little. I never wanted to be a square I am and always will be a squiggly polygon with poke-i-dots. To this day my family signs my cards "you go you little irregular shape you!"
No comments:
Post a Comment