Honestly it is 6:30 pm the day before halloween and i just thought about writing a halloween post. i haven't been feeling very festive as of late. i blame the college struggles academic and social. i am a freshman and even though i hang out with the older kids ( hahaha it makes me laugh to say it like that, it reminds me of middle school and high school) i haven't started acting like them yet. normally i become one of them but that hasn't happened i am still very freshman like. in their words " i'm still a baby" and in my own words "i'm a tortoise". if we bring it all together i'm a baby tortoise. great. i'm not use to being the young one or being so introverted. i feel like down here i'm the complete opposite of who i was when i was in the city. it gives me head aches to think about it. lucky or unlucky not all of me has made this 180 turn. how i approach people i really like hasn't change a bit. i'm still shy nerdy and very creepy. oh joy? i just wish i could say etsy i like you. its just 4 words right. naw. he is so cute though. his fav holiday is halloween. :) he's been decorating the office. its so nice. he has multiple costumes ( freaking theater majors) i don't even have one. i guess who i've been since i got here is a costume. one that i've yearning to take off but also been hiding behind the security that it brings. i almost feel trans if that makes sense. but like the opposite. so i was something that i was comfortable with. i liked me outwardly and inwardly. however i have gone through a series of changes since then and now i am stuck in this costume that i don't like both physically and emotionally. i feel like i am trapped inside something that is not me. through my physical appearance hasn't changed how i am being perceived has. that what halloween is about changing people's perception of you. it's fun, interesting, and often time provides a temporary escape from a person's norms. for one day you can be anything you want to be. i think you should take full advantage of that. one day where you can be anything and nobody will judge you. one judgement free day. know that i know a little of what it feels like to be seen one way but feel another i wish i could put on a costume or some make up and be what i want agian. but i can't because what i would change has nothing to do with. it has to do with everybody else.i guess what i was saying is costumes are great until you can't take off ( i think that is really scary) so so go out trick or treat ;) stay safe, stay clean, be safe, be sexy.
Happy Halloween
Keep it Queer and Fierce!
Stay Fierce yo
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