my brother is gay.... and that is okay ...... maybe.... not really... but one day it will be.... hopefully

okay so again I am Bi. and I have a little brother. he is 12 and i love him so much but you know i would never tell him that. anyway, i know he looks up to me and idolizes everything i do. for example i like science he likes science i swim he swims i started to dive so did he. so i mean i started to worry when he started to act stereo typically gay. 1 i feel bad that he is treating it like a fad cuz it is not. 2 i am sad that all he knows about the queer community is what he sees on tv. but then the more i watch him and talk to him the more it seems like he really wants to be gay. and i know so many of you are going to hate me but i want my brother to be a manly man. i mean i love my gay guy friend they are super awesome and fierce. but i know how hard it is for me to be queer and i am a girl and it is even harder for black males to be gay. i don't know if it is my protective  instinct or how i idealizes a brother i just don't want that for him. i mean i would't love him any less if he was gay but i would be disappointed. and i feel so bad that i feel like this but i am not going to lie about my feelings i can only work to change them. so i really don't know what to do. i mean should i try to influence him or let him make his own choices.


i am so sorry for not posting last week so i will post again tomorrow. i had finals this week so i spent all last week trying to not to fail AP Calc :(  it didn't help. but everything else school wise is good. its just senior yr for me so i am super busy but you guys don't want to hear school you just want to hear about my life. but unfortunately around this time of year school is my life. i know i am pretty lame. i don't care i will be cool again one day maybe next week lol. 


for the pic this week i thought i would go with your stereotypical rainbow even though this post has nothing to do with stereotypes. but it reminds me of my brother who loves to where pink and wants to kiss boys instead of the hot girl down the street. *sigh* okay so go back in to he topic of the post really quick. i love him like i said but i also have an older brother who is 23 ( i almost forgot how old m bother was lol) and i just wish he was more like him ( really really really into girls and football and lifting weights and being buff and eating meat)  i mean my sisters where the same way with me " why can't you like boys like the 3 of us didn't we set a good example" i don't know i just feel like i have failed as an older sibling cuz he is gay. like it is my fault he is the way he is. even through i know from experience it's not. but back to the pic my queer rainbow for my might be queer little brother