Skit: pronouns for Cis people

Some are of the belief that Cis people shouldn't use gender neutral pronouns. Gender plays a huge role in most societies and languages. Gender allows us to make a lot of assumptions about a person. It helps some of decide how we treat a person and how we react to how they treat us.  For example how a guy might open the door for someone they gender female instead of for someone they gender male. Or if you are repeatedly told to do something by someone you gender as female you feel that they are a nag as opposed to if you if you gender them male.  Today the Trans Student Educational Resources on Facebook posted " If you're cisgender, don't use "they" pronouns". I don't completely agree. I don't believe any group, even the oppressed group, should tell another group of people what they can not do, unless said action is hurting the group.  How did this all start though? Well it began with the idea of ownership of words. People of color can use certian words without assumption that they are using the word to be hurtful. White people can't do that.  So the idea that certain pronouns belong to certain gender identities makes a bit of sense coming from that background.  He belongs to male/ masculine identifed people.  If you use the pronoun He the assumption is that you belong to those groups.  Similarly if you use the pronoun She you belong to the female/feminine gender identities. But what about the rest of us. What pronouns belong to us. Ze, Xi aren't widely known or used.  Non binary people want a word that is equal to He, She. The only options available are it and they.  It being seen as dehumanizing that leaves They.  They is neutral and already widely used as a singular pronoun. The people who go by They don't feel as though they fit the binary genders. A non binary person might feel oppressed and misgendered by being forced to refer to themselves with gendered pronouns. To me it's empowering to go by They as I'm constantly trying to find words for my gender identity. So it feels like they looses it's power when a cisgender person uses They.  I feel like the person is treating it as an alternative and is delegitimizing They as a serious singular pronoun in its own right. Cisgender people never had to fight to have thier gender identity recognized, they have never had thier gender policed, and they never had to fight for words or pronouns to express thier gender. So it feels wrong and like Cisgender people are using thier privilege when they use the pronoun They singularly to refer to themselves, instead of using the one they born with and identify with, he or she. Misusing They feels like appropriation of the non binary community which is hurtful. So even though nobody is going to tell a person what pronouns a person can or should use, unless the person ask, we should think about what it means to use a the pronoun. What community does this pronoun belong to? Do I identify with that community? Am I using this pronoun becuase its defining me and empowering for me to use or am I just treating the pronoun and thus the community as an alternative? We need to think about our words before we use them because words have the power to lift up or tear down. 

Daily struggles

I'm an evil genius. Muahahahaha

Daily struggles

When bitches don't be text'n

Skit: Let's talk about Amoriartii

So the last time we talked about Amoriartii I was kind of thrown off by how much I've missed them.  I didn't want to miss them and I was kind of sick of having feelings for them. But we attended Creating Change togther in January and I realized that they don't make me panic any more.  I still over think everything they do,  I do,  and we do togther. Still I've calmed down a bit. At this year's Creating Change Amoriartii, our mutual friend, and I were suppose to have a threesome. However that didn't happen do to time restraints. What did happen is Amoriartii kissed me for the first time. They were rushing out the door to a conference event and just kissed me,  as if it was the most natural thing ever.  Like we had been doing this for years. Obviously that is not the case. I was left wondering what the hell just happened. But I let it be because I didn't want to deal with all that.  Still it's not a conference with Amoriartii without loads of drama so it doesn't end there. Amoriartii, thier boyfriend, and I all cuddled which was nice and pure. But then at the last second it got complicated again. Amoriartii had to leave at five in the morning so they got up to pack and obviously kiss thier boyfriend goodbye. Then they came over to me and held my head in thier hands looked me in the eyes kissed me and told me they love me.  Now I'm really like what the absolute fuck.  I did ask them about a week later if they ment platonicly or romanticly. They lied to me to tell me what I wanted to hear and said they love me platonicly. You have to remember we both have significant others we are happy with. We really don't want to change.  The longer we can ignore it the longer we will not have to change our relationship, which is friendship right now.  That's a safe place for us to be and honestly I think being more than that scares us, because of how important we are to each other. So I recently saw Amoriartii this weekend for MBLGTACC and we got a lot of one on one time, partly because we had a 3 hour drive (round trip) to and from the airport. We talked about our jobs, my school, our relationships, and more importantly us. We both know we are going to be in each others lives for a while. We want that.  We want forever. But we don't know what that will look like.  Amoriartii wants to deepen or relationship between us. We are both ready for that next step but it isn't solely our decision. We both have relationships we are trying not to mess up. So we need our partners to be okay with us. Amoriartii came clean and said they have romantic feelings for me that they are trying not act on and is actively trying to ignore those romantic feelings. But he can't, I can't. Even with compartmentalizing if we take our relationship further we are going to act on those romantic feeligs. Amoriartii slipped a few times and would hold my hand or put thier arm around me.  They dream about me. I'm part of thier support network. Amoriartii is already in love with me. If we take this any farther we will be more than friends.  I want that but I don't know if Amoriartii wants that or is even ready for that.  Or better yet if his boyfriend is going to allow it.  Cyborg might allow it but I'll cross that bridge if and when we get there.  They want to sleep with me and do more kink with me becuase that is a very big part of thier life that I don't actively participate in.  Everything else I'm there, work,  activism, hobbies. So they want me in every aspect of thier life. I want to be part of as much as they will let me.  We are just at a very crucial decision point in our relationship and what ever we decide in the next two years will decide what we are for the next 10 years.

Skit: sometime I learn things about polyamry

First off I know today isn't Tuesday and that I missed it. I'm sorry. I didn't realize I missed it until Tuesday night and I wasn't going to rush something to meet my own  arbitrary deadline.
So awhile back in 2015 I went to a workshop called one, two, three, more. It was about polyamry of course but the focus was on desire and how to build healthy relationships around those desires.  I went with my boyfriend which in hindsight wasn't a good idea. The facilitator wanted us to analyze our past and current relationships and share, which we couldn't do without our privacy feeling invaded. At this workshop you bring what you feel is not working and the goal of where you want to be. In the workshop you learn tools such as conflict resolution and self care to fix your relationship and achieve your goals. You learn how to listen not only actively but emotionally. The facilitator explained that we need to listen emotionally becuase rarely are relationships logical enough were you can just actively listen and talk through the problem wholely. Emotional listening involves empathizing with the other person and verbalizing the emotions you think they are feeling so you are on the same page.  It also involves sharing your feelings and desires. This all ties in with polyamry becuase you need to have open, solid lines of communication with all your partners.  We also talked about ranking your partners, ie primary, secondary, ect is not necessary.  Hierarchies in polyamorus relationships is often harmful  because it makes the other partners feel less important and makes comperssion hard. Comperssion is kind of like being happy for your partner's happiness, almost the opposite of jealously.  A healthy relationships can't exist with jealousy or without comperssion. It matters not if you are monogamous or otherwise.

The workshops was great and Cyborg and I walked away with a lot of communication tools. However we both agree we should not have attended togther.

Stay fierce,

J-Skittles

Skit: Building bridges?

In my opinion a right wing Israeli government supporting organization was invited to have a reception at Creating Change, A Wider Brigde. (which shouldn't have happened) The event was protested pretty heavily. I have always been of the mind that you can't tell the oppressed how to civilly disobey, as long as it's non violent. The prosters were loud, maybe a bit aggressive, but non violent. They did stop people from attending the event and they did chant some anti Israel chants. I am fine with all of that.  I believe that the Israeli government is oppressing Palestinians.  I don't care how Queer friendly the Israeli government claims to be I'm not a fan of the Israeli government.  Now my queer Jewish friends are all hurt and upset, saying that the reception was suppose to foster dialogue with pepole who are already on some common ground. That common ground being that they are both queer. But the oppressed don't want to talk,  they want thier demands met, they want the Israeli government dismantled, they want thier country back, and they want to stop being occupied. It's not like everyone on this planet doesn't know what Palestine wants. They don't need dialogue we need change.  Why my queer Jewish friends don't understand that is beyond me.  I don't have a single Palestinian friend who hates or even dislikes jews. My Palestinian friends don't like Israel there is a difference. I don't think it a Jewish person's place to tell a Palestinian how to protest the Israeli government. I don't think they have the right to be hurt or offended either. They aren't protesting the religion they are protesting the government there is a difference, or at least thier should be.   If it would have been a different organization that had it's stakes in Judaism and not the government I think things would have turned out differently.  You would have had one culture talking to another about politics. Like Muslims talking NAACP about the the American government. That would be fine. But I don't think Muslim would want to have a dialogue with the black republican caucus about the American government. Too right wing and not staked in culture.  We need to understand that as a queer community we won't always agree and sometimes we will be bitterly divided. But to understand that with love and compassion for our fellow queer becuase we do share that shred of common ground. We need to disagree to learn and grow. Growing is uncomfortable. So I'm taking issues with my queer Jewish friends for throwing a tantrum instead of listening and trying to understand there fellow oppressed queers. ( which the should have done If they really wanted dialogue to begin with)