So the last time we talked about Amoriartii I was kind of thrown off by how much I've missed them. I didn't want to miss them and I was kind of sick of having feelings for them. But we attended Creating Change togther in January and I realized that they don't make me panic any more. I still over think everything they do, I do, and we do togther. Still I've calmed down a bit. At this year's Creating Change Amoriartii, our mutual friend, and I were suppose to have a threesome. However that didn't happen do to time restraints. What did happen is Amoriartii kissed me for the first time. They were rushing out the door to a conference event and just kissed me, as if it was the most natural thing ever. Like we had been doing this for years. Obviously that is not the case. I was left wondering what the hell just happened. But I let it be because I didn't want to deal with all that. Still it's not a conference with Amoriartii without loads of drama so it doesn't end there. Amoriartii, thier boyfriend, and I all cuddled which was nice and pure. But then at the last second it got complicated again. Amoriartii had to leave at five in the morning so they got up to pack and obviously kiss thier boyfriend goodbye. Then they came over to me and held my head in thier hands looked me in the eyes kissed me and told me they love me. Now I'm really like what the absolute fuck. I did ask them about a week later if they ment platonicly or romanticly. They lied to me to tell me what I wanted to hear and said they love me platonicly. You have to remember we both have significant others we are happy with. We really don't want to change. The longer we can ignore it the longer we will not have to change our relationship, which is friendship right now. That's a safe place for us to be and honestly I think being more than that scares us, because of how important we are to each other. So I recently saw Amoriartii this weekend for MBLGTACC and we got a lot of one on one time, partly because we had a 3 hour drive (round trip) to and from the airport. We talked about our jobs, my school, our relationships, and more importantly us. We both know we are going to be in each others lives for a while. We want that. We want forever. But we don't know what that will look like. Amoriartii wants to deepen or relationship between us. We are both ready for that next step but it isn't solely our decision. We both have relationships we are trying not to mess up. So we need our partners to be okay with us. Amoriartii came clean and said they have romantic feelings for me that they are trying not act on and is actively trying to ignore those romantic feelings. But he can't, I can't. Even with compartmentalizing if we take our relationship further we are going to act on those romantic feeligs. Amoriartii slipped a few times and would hold my hand or put thier arm around me. They dream about me. I'm part of thier support network. Amoriartii is already in love with me. If we take this any farther we will be more than friends. I want that but I don't know if Amoriartii wants that or is even ready for that. Or better yet if his boyfriend is going to allow it. Cyborg might allow it but I'll cross that bridge if and when we get there. They want to sleep with me and do more kink with me becuase that is a very big part of thier life that I don't actively participate in. Everything else I'm there, work, activism, hobbies. So they want me in every aspect of thier life. I want to be part of as much as they will let me. We are just at a very crucial decision point in our relationship and what ever we decide in the next two years will decide what we are for the next 10 years.
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