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| its like Cake or death??? but with sex?.... |
I use to be a really sexual person. I use to have lots of sex. In the good old days of about 2 years ago give or take a month, I would get it in on the regular never going more than a day or two without it. I'm not saying I was addicted, I could take it or leave it at the time. I remember going a week or two without doing anything sexual because I wanted to make sure that my relationship wasn't built upon sex. It wasn't ;) however, other than that it was a very hot and heavy relationship. When that ended so did my sex life for the most part. I went 9 months or so without, hooked up with my ex, and since then been sexless. it really doesn't bother me that much cuz I really don't feel intense sexual attraction (intense enough for me to do something about it) or arousal. Not to say I'm not the same outwardly sexual acting person. I touch, feel, dance, and speak in a very proactive manner. But actual sex like things make me so uncomfortable it makes me think I have sort of aversion to sex. Today I watched a live version of the Rocky Horror Picture show. The sex scenes made me cringe. I hid behind my fingers as if it was a scary play. I had my fingers in my ears and my eyes closed for half of the play because I couldn't take the moaning. It was the most awkward 2 hours. I mean I have seen the play, I wasn't like this the first time I saw it. I was also getting laid on the regular the first time. Has my lack of sex made me squeamish? Or am I settling into an asexual identity that wants nothing to do with sex. I don't know, but I do know until the celibacy is broken by a regular partner or partners I an doomed to be sexually awkward.
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