I love Eta Carina. Like marry her tomorrow spend the rest of our lives together love. Move half way across the country any time she'd have me love. But she doesn't feel the same and that is just one of a few things living in my head making me wonder whether this will work out. Like I feel like 75% it will work if you work at it and the other 25% of the time it was just bad luck and nothing could make it work. I want this to be the 75% of the time obviously. But she wouldn't move for me, and that says a lot. I like big dogs and she doesn't think she could handle one. I like the song Escape (The Piña Colada Song), I find it oddly romantic. She hates it and feels like its about cheating. (she's not wrong but I feel like she's missing the point.)I like traditionally houses with a lot of space, a two car garage, and a back yard. She likes modern townhouse and condos in the city. I am beginning to wonder are we too different to work? Its just a number of little things plus the one big thing being the house. Husband #7 keeps saying "your three month in its not the end of the world if it doesn't work out." I know its not but it feels like it would be. I thought after Amoriartii I would never marry and do the whole domestic thing. Mostly because everything felt like settling for less. Except for Lovely. That felt different but very similar. It was an intense love. I am teaching myself that I don't need an intense love to be happy. I don't need it for the relationship to last because none of the intense ones ever have. I learned ( more like still trying) to stop comparing current relationships to the one with Amoriartii. Now things don't feel like settling they just feel different which I have convinced myself is okay. I (am trying to) believe that if I want to marry do the whole domestic thing that I can still find someone to love and do that with. So because this isn't an intense love every time even the smallest thing goes awry its like a big alarm goes off in my head. Just straight up panic for like five seconds every time. But this, her unwillingness to move feels like a big thing. Also I am not crazy I am not saying we have to move now. Actually I am saying we are not moving in together now. But I plan so I can save and manage my life accordingly. So if I am going to move to the coast in a couple of years I would like that to be a very stress free process because we planned for this possible outcome. So we talk about it causally with out making concrete plans about what we like and what we don't like. Just making a Pinterest board of future plans together should things work out. With that said we consider a range of possibilities, one being her moving to me. But she just shut it down. Wouldn't entertain the idea for a second. Shoots it down every time I bring it up. Which doesn't sit right with me. If things work out two years is a long time maybe she will change. Equality when it makes sense is important to me in a relationship and equity for when equality doesn't work. It feels both equal and equitable that she should consider moving too! It just bugs me that its such a sticking point with her. It makes me feel less cared for and respected. I don't feel loved. It makes me feel like this won't work and I should be looking for someone who: likes piña coladas
And gettin' caught in the rain (romantically)
are you kinda into yoga
understands the physics of a plane
If you like makin' love at midnight
on a boat of the cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for
Write to me and escape
but I still want this to work so I probably won't post that in my tinder bio just yet.
