I'm always wearing my glasses. Even when I go swimming. Looking at the world brought into focus, not only by my understanding of the systems of oppression, but with an actual bais tent caused by the glass in front of my eyes. I took my glasses off to clean them and saw the world how I do for only a few seconds a day. Just taking my glasses off and looking at the world around me was nice. I wish I could do that with everything in my life. The world doesn't seems so bad when it's just irregular moving shapes. Everything has soft fuzzy edges and the few lines there are don't seem that hard, or wrong, to cross. The details just fall away and all that's left is colors and blobs. All the violence just seems like shapes merging togther like a triangle and a circle making ice cream. Death looks like things loosing their color and becoming black or white. The simplicity of it all is beautiful. Ignorance just needs to be focused through the right lens.
7/21/15
Self love challenge: day ten
Even though today was a hard day all things considered. I still find it rather easy to write this now.
1. I love that I love to work. Even if I was rich and didn't have to I would.
2. Patience is a virtue that I have.
3. I get along with others well. I dislike a very few pepole for legitimate reason.
4. I like that I trust people until they give me reason not to.
5. I am very see through.
Half pass gone
Periods instead of semicolons.
Codependency is my least dysfunctional relationship,
So yes I do need them.
And something a little stronger than that decaf shit.
Knives need to have fun too.
7/20/15
Self love challenge: day 8 &9
I feel overwhelmingly compelled to continue even though it causes me much stress and discomfort. I find things that I love about myself each day now and want to write it down. So I am going to continue for a few more days.
1. I love that my eyes change colors based on mood particularly when I am in love, my eyes lighten to the color of amber.
2. I am very child like
3. I can turn the activism off
4. I have an automatic clock that only doesn't work when I'm sick.
5. I love my smile
Daily struggles
I don't write books because my political agenda would be super obvious. Once upon a time 2 youth anarchist set out to dismantle the system. Bigots tried to stop them. Rich people tried to disenfranchise them. Police harassed them and threw them in jail. The road was long and hard, and weighted heavily against their mental health. The end.
7/18/15
Self love challenge: day SEVEN!!!
Today is the last day of this challenge, and I have nothing meaningful or deep to say. No grand take away here. Maybe I did it wrong? I am over joyed that this challenge is over. This was way harder than I thought it would be. I have a lot of things I am proud that I have done or been a part of. However, things specifically about myself that I like is in short supply. I really only had to name 35 things I love about myself, why was that so hard. After day four it definitely got a lot deeper and more personal. I had to find non superficial things I like about myself, which required a little introspection. If I had to list things I didn't like about myself the last would never end. I wonder why it is easier for me to tear myself down then to build myself up? I should be able to brag about myself, but alas. Next time I need things that I love about myself I wil have a list already made.
#cfsselflovechallenge
1. I love all of my scars. They tell my dark story that I really never talk about but always think about.
2. I love to luagh, and if given the choice in the situation I will laugh instead of cry.
3. I can ask for help. It's hard and I don't like to do it, but I can.
4. I love, leap, look in that order. Life is more interesting that way.
5. My motivations in life often lie outside my myself and that has kept me alive.
Daily struggles: travel addition
Actual conversation with my father
Dad: You're going to Arkansas and not telling me.
Me: I sent you flight plans via email.
Dad: Who are YOU going to see in Arkansas? Send me thier address.
Me: Are you worried about me being in Arkansas for two nights?
Dad: You're my child, of course I'm worried!
Me: You weren't this worried me let me stay with mafia members India. What do you think I'm going to meet up with El Chapo?
Dad: Send me the dam address!
Daily struggles: travel addition
I have a sore throat, a terrible cough, and the runs. But I have places to be so onward we press
7/17/15
Skit: Why I don't like Caitlyn Jenner
First off this is a Queer blog by a Queer person who supports the Gender Queer movement. If you are looking for someone to validate your hateful opinions about her keep looking. Or better yet, stop being fucking hateful. Why I don't like Caitlyn has nothing to do with her. I'm not here to talk about how she hit a person, killed that person, and got a way with it. Those are the brakes when you're rich, white, and perceived as male. I do have a question before I get started. I know trans* pepole prefer to be called by the name they choose. But what about when your previous self accomplished stuff? Do we say birth name did these things because that is what you were called when you did the stuff or do you want all of people to use your choosen name when referencing the past? I would love to know. Any who, I don't like Cait or her award becuase the world is acting like they have never seen a trans* person before. Like they didnt exist before a white person did it. We had two very visible famous trans* people of color before Cait, Laverne Cox and Janet Mock. They were not treated with dignity like Cait is. They were both called men, not real women, asked about whether or not they had surgeries, and thier genitals brought in to question. This has not happened to Cait on tv. Of course the Internet is still just as mean and so are everyday people. However, TV personalities have been welcoming, loving, trying to use the right name and pronouns; they are making an effort with Cait that they never made for the two black trans* women. I dont understand why nobody cares unless the person in question is white? There were trans* people of all races before Cait all you had to do to find them was leave your little privilege bubble. My second issue is even though she is doing a very public transition that is going enlightenment a lot of pepole and introduce them to the T in LGBT, I don't think she is brave. The trans* undocumented citizen, who disrupted the White House speech, is brave. She deserves that award so much more. She is out there everyday standing up for what she believes in and is doing it knowing she could be deported. But I think she is too brown for the American people and thier corporate sponsors. She migt draw attention to more radical issues that we don't want to deal with yet. So Cait won all because she is white and rich and not radical. She will probably say some misogynistic shit and America will laugh. And it will get easier for white trans kids, but trans* kids of color will continue to struggle for thier right to live, to live thier true self, and to be treated with respect.
Self love challenge: day six
I am really happy I only have one more day. I also decided I could add "negative" things to the list. The rules are I have to list things about my self I love or think it is worth celebrating. As long as I love it, it can go on the list. I will justify it for you, but mostly becuase I want myself to know why.
#cfsselflovechallenge
1. I love my ADHD, I wouldn't want to be "normal. My brain moves faster than ears can process sound. It fixates on things that everyone else would let go. But I understand stuff that nobody else took the time to.
2. I love my language disability. It makes understanding and using spoken languages that much harder. But I also notice how messed and inadequate up most spoken languages are becuase of it. And it makes me better at ASL
3. I am almost legally blind. My glasses make me look wiser. Also, I will soon have a handicap sign so I can park super close.
4. I'm stubborn. I have to learn things the hard way and don't often make the same mistakes twice.
5. I have the worst sugar tooth. Everyday is s treat yourself day.
7/16/15
Self love challenge: day five
#cfsselflovechallenge
1. I understand and am capable of high edicate.
2. I understand code switching and the cultural relevance of dialects I use.
3. I think that if I was to be judge that I represent where I come from well. In think I reflect well on my parents, communities, and race.
4. I believe that everyone's definition of success has merit and is worth thier pursuit.
5. I love my friends like family, and am loyal to a fault.
Skit: A Macro macroaggression
So read this article first, ARTICLE.
Okay so now that we are on the same page let's gets the obvious out the way, yes this is still appropriation. Not cultural but it's basically plagiarism with racists intent, or effect. It would be different if they took it like people take a design revamp it and improve it by ten fold. That would be like taking a car and making a tank. Better! #growingupwhite noticing the major difference in how my white teacher treated the black students. Or #growingupwhite being jelous of the love my black friend's mother had for him. Or taking it and making it serve a similar purpose for a different set of people. Taking a car and making it a minivan. Now it moves family's! #growingupmexican would have been fine becuase it would have been celebrating the the unique and finer points of Mexican heritage that appear in everyday life and majority of Mexicans' children's upbringing. However, without permission, thought, or cultural analysis they took it and made it thiers #growingupwhite when you feel like you are entitled to the world. Which is when the twittet account Black Twitter, and thier followers, step in to troll dey white ass. Reminder! RACISM IS PREJUDIC, OPRESSION, OR DISCRIMINATION DIRECTED AGAINST A DIFFERENT RACE BY A RACE THAT IS AT AN ADVANTAGE. When you are the oppressor there is just certain things you can't do: have a history month, an association with only oppressors in it, have a cultural center, have a cultural based degree and use certain words. This is also one of those things. Some should really write a guide book, privileged the do's and don'ts. ( it could cover being a man, cis, hetro, rich, formally educate, white, American, Western, urban, native English speaking, able-bodied, ect).
Okay so the larger issue at hand here is still racism, which nobody seems to get. The fact that white people felt left out of cultural bonding of a culture they aren't a part of!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's like a boy feeling left out when girls bond over period struggles or wearing bras. It doesn't concern you and not everything has to be about you. Or is that just something ethnic kids learned growing up #growingupnotwhite. We need to learn we can't be part of everything, we don't own the lime light, and sometimes you have to sit back and clap for someone else. Its oppressive becuase it was our moment in the lime light celebrating ourselves and in one unintentional swoop white pepole took it, mocked it, and robbed it off its cultural significance. Like they do everything: art, music, theater, people, counties, ect. Becuase they feel like they can. Becuase society says they can. #growingupwhite is a Marco micro aggression. Because it is socially acceptable for them to do so no white person thought to them selves while making these tweets " this is racist" or "this is oppressive" . Taking what you want is capitalism and thus okay. But not actually. It is macro becuase it exploded on twitter, a place used for trolling, making community, or being basic as fuck. Trolling is a funny overt form of aggression. So for whites to troll black culture is pretty messed up when you take a closer look. And it's funny just like the dressing up in black face and playing a fool was funny. Next time just let it be. Mind your business. Or as my mamma would say "sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up" even when you think you not even doing anything #growingupblack
Daily struggles
The friend zone has nothing to do with the person I like and everything to do with me. It's like a kid wanting something that isn't thiers to have. I am just mad cuz I want it and can't have it.
Skittles
Me thinking out loud: I love everything that I've written about my depression the pass three years.
My depression is my romantic partner, this is why I haven't/ don't date.
*mind blown*
So true!!!!
7/15/15
Self love challenge: day four
More than half way there. WOOOOOOO!!!!! I know I'm not suppose to say this, especially about this challenge, but I'm so glad this is almost over. That basically says I'm counting down the days till I can hate myself all day again. ( I spend about an hour on this challenge a day trying to just be positive about myself) Which is not the case. However, it is hard. Yesterday after I was done with the post I was thinking of ways to cheat, turn negatives in to positives. Like instead of saying I'm stubborn say I stick to my conviction. But I'm not going to cheat. I want this to work for me. I would like this to have a positive outcome.
#cfsselflovechallenge
1. I am emotionally in tune.
2. I have been winning the war against depression/ suicide for 14 years.
3. I really appreciate how well I react and handle stressful situations.
4. I appreciate my self care.
5. I like that I bring and spread the joy.
7/14/15
Self love challenge: day three
This is a lot harder than it should be, and I consider myself a person who is good at self love. When ever I start my list all I can think of is things that I hate about myself. I hope I have some deep revolution by the end of this.
#cfsselflovechallenge
1. I love music, and own a huge variety.
2. I'm a karaoke badass.
3. I love to dance
4. I am amazing at signing in the shower.
5. I have a huge appreciation for musicals, probably something about signing and dancing.
7/13/15
Self love: day two
#cfsselflovechallenge
1. I'm good cook.
2. I'm great at baking.
3. I love trying new foods.
4. I like to travel, explore, get lost in a new place.
5. I love to share a good bottle of wine with good folks.
7/12/15
Self love challenge: day one
Intro; so for six more days I'm suppose to name things about myself that I love or think are worthy of celebration. It's a seven day challenge and the goal is to introduce a person the the idea of exploring one's self through love.
#cfsselflovechallenge
1. I adhere to my own code/ self discipline.
2. I take all things into consideration when making a decision. Not just rational but emotional ramifications.
3. I form deep emotional connections quickly.
4. I love to mentor and share my life so that others may learn from it.
5. I have been published 5 times this year already.
7/10/15
Daily struggles
I need to settle down, get a real job, buy a cat. Struggle of being an independent black bisexual gurl who don't need anyone, with codependency issue.
7/9/15
Daily struggle
When all your friends who have depression are having a really bad summer, but your doing fine. I wish depression was like a period and we could all sync up and suffer togther and then be fine togther too. ( I mean as fine as you can be with depression)
7/6/15
Skittles: fight the power
When the all black gate crew in Philadelphia tags all the white people's bags so that everyone else have over head bin space.
I wait to board because I hate standing in line. After they boarded first class they started gate checking carry on's becuase its a small plane and if every passenger had a carry on they would run out of space in the over head bins and would have to gate check all the bags that didn't fit anywsy. So if you didn't look ethnic they gate checked your bag. Gate checking is a pain becuase you have to wait after you get of the plane to get your bag. If I wanted to wait for my bag I would have checked it. So me and this caucasian looking person have the same bag. I know becuase we were taking about it as we sat. Any who just like they did all the other non ethnic looking pepole, they pulled her aside and gate checked her bag but let me go by. I am very amused by this and get a great deal of satisfaction from this. That is all. Continue with your day.
7/2/15
Skit: choice or life?
I'd be pro life if we had the following:
Free accessible contraceptives of all types.
Quality comprehensive sex ed.
Paid maternity and paternity leave.
Free accessible government funded child care for 3 months and up.
Free manditory parenting classes.
If it didn't apply to incest, rape, or medical needs of the mother (which includes her mental health)
If the father was forced to be a good father.
Jobs for unemployed expected patents.
Quality housing for the new family in a nice school district.
But it would honestly be cheaper to let people have abortions. So I'm pro choices, thier body, thier life, and thier choice