Daily struggles

When I have to play nice with with people I'd rather not acknowledge. Like who let all these peasants in to my palace. They are getting their basicness all over my excellence.

Daily struggle

When your registration fee is half your paycheck but then you find out that it's waived because you're on the host committee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Skit: coping

So I often talk about my love life or lack there of and this leads to certain assumptions about me.  Which is fine, I don't need everyone knowing my life.  I don't need the fame, acknowledgment, or personal judgment. However,  my new mentor doesn't get to see all that I do, for most of what I do only happens when I don't see them.  So I sound like a whiny privileged brat, which I am sometimes but most of the time I'm not. But to focus on the superficial is how I cope.  I am an emotional pillar and sounding board for 25+ people on the regular. I run my own organization. SCHOOL! (Which is a mess by the way ). I am battling depression, and am an advocate for mental health. Then there is family choosen and blood alike.  Do I complain? No.  Do I stress? Not really.  I handle my dam business,  like expected. I don't need recognition or a pat on the back for any of it,  though if offered a pat on the back wouldn't be turned down.  I do though take the mess in all other aspects of my life and blow my love life woas way out of proportion in order to compinsate. There is something nice about stressing over something menial. It lets me freack out and pace with little consequence if the wrong decision if made, or I choose not to make a decision (which of you have been following me from the beginning you know no decision is usually what happens.)  Nothing in my life seems as big or as troublesome as whatever is happening in my love life.  I didn't complain too much about amoriartii at the beginning of the year, I most talked about my travels.  But at the beginning of this year one of my closes friends was diagnosed with cancer, I  helped my homeless friends find shelter through the blizzard,  and prevent a hand full of suicides all before January was over. That was a good month by the way. Usually a lot more stuff happens, but blizzard, so not much people can do.  What might give someone else high blood pressure just washes over me.  But let amoriartii not wish me happy new year and y'all would still be hearing about it. Any who this is to say that there are many ways to cope.  This is just one of mine (by far the healthiest) It's important to have healthy coping mechanism that help you relieve  your stress and deal with your problems. I also bake, though I usually don't have the appetite to eat anything I make.  I like to run or bike, be outside in the air/rain.  We need to cope  because to cope is to admit that there is something wrong and take action to make it better.  Make sure your coping habits are positive and healthy.  What ever you are doing to overcome the hurt shouldn't be hurting you on a different way.  It's no secret that I drink, a lot ( I use the expression I can hold my liquor a lot) Some of it is socially but most of it is group therapy. Where my friends and I have decided to make a bad choice together and instead of process our pain  or stress together. We opt to drown the pain in cheap booze. We feel better together and less the more we drink.  Though we are all together and the intoxication doesn't lead to anything more than some bad photos it still hurts  us. We can't continue on this way forever because we will develop a habit, or liver damage. But you already knew that.  Like duh J-Skittles drinking won't solve your problems. What about healthy coping how do you know if its actually good.  Some things that look healthy still aren't. When I was in high school my first girlfriend dumped me.  I got the best grades that year and had my best year of swimming. I was also the skinniest I've ever been.  I would have been under wieght hadn't I built up all that mussel.  Nobody noticed anything was wrong because I was doing so well.  But I wasn't eating or sleeping because I was studying and training so hard.  I survived this way for year because of a condition that keeps me in the hospital for 2 or 3 days a month.  At which point they sedated me and pump me full of fluids and nutrients. It wasn't until after I  finished a race I threw up, started bleeding, and passed out, all in one smooth motion, did anyone notice something was wrong. My sisters force fed me everyday until I was healthy after that. My friends dragged me out the library/classroom.  It took me about 6 months to physically recover.  During which everyone around me noticed how everything  went to hell. Those 6 months were the worse because I didn't want to be better, and I had forgotten how to be a friend and a sister. All I knew was work,  swimming,  or pain. If i studied or swam hard enough I would feel the pain.  In short, positive-ish outcome, still a negative coping mechanism. Positive coping may not always look like progress but it doesn't add to the hurt and it allows a way for you to deal with the situation.  My backing helps me work out my anger because I get to kneed and throw dough. It doesn't solve the problem so it doesn't look like out is helping, but it helps me work through my anger in positive  way. Which will make it  easier to address the problem later, so good coping. It doesn't matter how you cope as long as it is good for you. There isn't just one right way to cope. We are all different it's going to take different things to help us work past stuff. As long as we keep trying and don't give up that's what it's really all about right?

Stay fierce,

J-Skittles

Daily struggles

I love my friends fiercely, but sometimes I forget to tell them so.  I live for the moments to show them my devotion.

daily struggles

The struggle not to perpetuate the systems of oppression in the everyday and  mundane, things like the title of a Facebook album or a snap chat hashtag

Daily stuggle

When you actually puke your brains out you get ideas, like I should write more drunk. Then sober you reads your drunk thought and ponders why drunk you is a better writer (while rage deleting the drunk excellence) 

Daily struggles

Morning anxiety means no morning caffeine.

Skit: my hair

Washing my hair has become a cathartic way to fight oppression. My family in the south have a saying " like a bucket that can't hold water". They say it when someone can't keep a secret, won't shut up, when someone is stupid, or something is useless. My hair use to hold lots of water. It would stay wet for days after I washed it and didn't take a blow dryer to it.  My hair would be heavy with water for hours. My grandmother once said it wasn't heavy with water but with history. My hair was full of our mother's life, experiences, struggles, pain, and joy. My hair carried their story, my origins. I recently permed my hair, raped it bare of the history. My hair feels lighter but more oppressive. My hair is like a bucket that can't hold water. It dries in minuets after I wash it. It doesn't even feel the same anymore. But while I am rinsing it. Standing under shower and letting water rush through, my head feels heavy.