Daily struggles

Attractive gay neighbors

Skit: friends

So I realize there are different types of people in this world. There are also different types of romantic relationships. Once I figured all of this out it was pretty clear to me that you will have different romantic relationships with different people. What is just dawning on me is that I am closing this off to romantic relationships and where I should just say relationship. I am not going to say all of my friends are similar and that's why most of the relationships I have with them are generally  similar. I have a wide variety of personality types, educational background, ethnicities, and so on. Each person is quite unique. But  I do have a very talkative, social activity based relationship with most of my friends. We talk a lot about everything. We really don't just sit in silence unless we are watching something. I mean I can and I find it nice when I do it with certain friends, the ones I've known forever. Sometimes when we really don't have words we'll just be quite. But its usually while walking or driving. Never just chilling quietly. But in my gay family, which I don't think I've ever mentioned on here before so look out for a brief explanation post, my step dad and I just don't talk. I love him I really do. I fetch his water and bring him food all the time. We love the same K-pop band EXO and we watch it together. But we don't just hang out just the two of us and we don't talk.  Our relationship consist of food and tv. So yesterday when we just watched Showtime ( EXO's tv show) together when It was over I left. I mean I could have stayed longer and I think he thought I would I but 1 it was 3 in the morning 2 what would we have done we don't talk ever! I mean we talk when there is something to talk about but that is very rare. As I walked home I couldn't help but think I was rude for leaving so abruptly, but I really don't know what I would have done if I stayed.  then I thought other than the fact that it was rude it was okay because that is our friendship. I can have different types of friendships with different people. The only reason why I thought it was strange was because its wasn't like all of my other friendships but that's okay. I dare to be different sometimes.

Stay fierce
J-skittles

Skit: Sex, now a dirty word

its like Cake or death??? but with sex?....

I use to be a really sexual person. I use to have lots of sex. In the good old days of about 2 years ago give or take a month, I would get it in on the regular never going more than a day or two without it. I'm not saying I was addicted, I could take it or leave it at the time. I remember going a week or two without doing anything sexual because I wanted to make sure that my relationship wasn't built upon sex. It wasn't ;) however, other than that it was a very hot and heavy relationship. When that ended so did my sex life for the most part. I went 9 months or so without, hooked up with my ex, and since then been sexless. it really doesn't bother me that much cuz I really don't feel intense sexual attraction (intense enough for me to do something about it) or arousal. Not to say I'm not the same outwardly sexual acting person. I touch, feel, dance, and speak in a very proactive manner. But actual sex like things make me so uncomfortable it makes me think I have sort of aversion to sex. Today I watched a live version of the Rocky Horror Picture show. The sex scenes made me cringe. I hid behind my fingers as if it was a scary play. I had my fingers in my ears and my eyes closed for half of the play because I couldn't take the moaning. It was the most awkward 2 hours. I mean I have seen the play, I wasn't like this the first time I saw it. I was also getting laid on the regular the first time. Has my lack of sex made me squeamish? Or am I settling into an asexual identity that wants nothing to do with sex. I don't know, but I do know until the celibacy is broken by a regular partner or partners I an doomed to be sexually awkward.