skittles: 3 months to go

Trying to be a better person for me has taken the form of improving my interpersonal relationships. I'm currently stuck on being better at boundaries, honesty, and confronting the issues. Currently the vibe is still weird with Lovely. I'm probably not going to fix that friendship and just have to let her know. It's not an issues I'm having with her. It is just me being dramatic. I don't know how to fix it either. I'm just going to get her the jacket and be done with it. But I have to tell her. I still haven't worked out what to say. Just the vibe is wierd and I can't handle it. Which sucks to say. The thought that you could wake up one day and just be done with a friend is the worst feeling. It's nothing they did either. I woke up different than when I went to sleep. That's all. I think at this point I'm trying to convince myself that's the answer. But even though that's how I feel I don't believe it. My logical way of thinking is having a hard time accepting my own feelings. I know feelings don't have to make sense but they feel right. I can't make this feel right because of the overwhelming initial feeling that is just so uncomfortable. I keep wanting to wait to tell her. I keep waiting for it to make sense or for my feelings to change but they haven't and it still doesn't make sense. I want to just mail her a letter cuz that's how I do everything but I'm suppose to be working on confronting things. So I'll just tell her. By the end of the year. 

skit: lessons in love

Never question my love for you for it it's the only thing that I am certain of in this world. More than the air I breath and water I drink. I do not know if the sun will set or if the moon will rise again. but I know I love you. Question not my love for you but my ability to show it. 

I think about this and I realize I don't know how to love those in my life. Not even my best friend. I know how I want to be loved. Tell me, over and over and over again I will never get sick of hearing it. Prioritize me in your life. Give me the first chance to make plans with you. Spend time with me and in gifts for me. I love thoughtful gifts and grand gestures. Be there when I need you. Trust me enough to let me in. I know if anybody did those things for me I would feel loved. But I don't know about others. I a good amount of time in my head thinking about what I did wrong in relationships and I think that's really important. That I didn't know how to love the people I loved. I want to love them how they want to be loved but I need to learn what that is and how to do it.