Skittles: written while listing to "One day"

I wonder all the time if it's going to hurt forever to love them. I wonder if I'm going to love them like this forever. I want to love them but in a way that's healthy. I wonder if I'm going to love them forever. I wonder if every love song is going to remind me of them. I wonder if ever song about heartbreak is going to remind me of them. I wonder if I was terribly physically hurt which would hurt more. I wonder why giving them up never sticks. 

I wonder if we switched bodies would I be the villian and them the victorious. I wonder what that says about us. I wonder what that says about the community. I'm wondering if I'm gaslighting myself or if everyone around me is the product of the version of story I told them. I wonder if I'm crazy, because I swear I am. I wonder if I could go back to the beginning and never met would I stay away or do it all over again. I wonder why I asked myself questions I already know the answer to. 

I wonder if I'll ever change and be better. I wonder if I'm ever going to tell them how sorry I am.  I wonder if it's too presumptuous to try to apologize. I wonder if it even matters to them at this point. I wonder if they would forgive me. I wonder if I apologize would it be for me or them? I wonder if trying to be better is selfish. I wonder if I'm going to be apologizing to them for the rest of my life. I wonder I ever if I'll ever get a chance to make it up to them. I wonder if it's possible to undo all the damage I did. I wonder how much therapy it will take for me to be in a good place so that I'd even have the option of having you in my life again. I wonder if I'll ever feel okay enough to try to find out? I wonder if I'll ever trust myself to let you in again. 

I wonder if they would ever trust me again. I wonder if I'm worthy of it. I wonder if they miss me. I wonder if I cross their mind.I wonder if they care.  I wonder how they are. I wonder if they are happy and I hope they are.  I wonder what their version of the story is. I wonder if they still love me. I wonder if they want to be friends. I wonder if they still have my clothes (I still have there's).

I wonder if this will be my biggest regret of my life. I wonder if we got back together if I would keep hurting them. I wonder if we'll ever be friends again.  I wonder what's stopping me from answer most of these questions. I wonder why after all this time I'm still wondering all these things.  I wonder if this is a sickness or fate. In the world there's a prerfect balance of fission and fusion I wonder what a love of equilibrium is like.