Skittles: day 99

Being quarantined, even though I have a job, has eliminated all of my distractions. I now spend a good amount of my time fighting the urge to check on Amoriartii. It really is starting to feel like fighting a addiction at this point. The little voice in my head just lies to me; trying to justify a reason to, persuade, convince, bargain with, or beg me to check on Amoriartii. It's a fight with reasons and better judgement on one side and my physical desire to have dopamine and feelings on the other team. My desire to have dopamine is a tricky, cheating bastard who I wouldn't even trust playing hopscotch. The emotional side of my brain is down right bonkers. Emotions are psychological warefare tactics experts. You will feel like we've eaten and will hate the thought of eating anything even though we haven't eaten in 4 days and are physically approaching losing consciousness. Can't trust any of your sense cuz your emotions have you strung out on drugs and have indoctrinated you into a cult, even through you swear it's not a cult. 

It's June and I have not check their Facebook. Though I was looking for a comment I made on a friend page and a post Amoriartii made there years ago came up in the search. I got to see their most recent profile picture. They look happy. I think today's battle was won by  reasons and better judgement. I can see that they are still alive and not miserable. What more could I possibly need to know? All of this has made me realize if the world was ending or if I was doing dying I would try to see Amoriartii one last time.