Skittles: two sides of the same coin

I started a new queer job last year that I will eventually get around to telling you all about. However that's not the topic of this post. I work as a professional queer now which means I come across a lot of other professionals queers that I've never met but know of through Amoriartii or they will ask about a certain experience I had with Amoriartii ( pride parade, Google New York, ect).  Many queers of color don't like Amoriartii, many far left queers don't like Amoriartii, and many queers doing work with young queers don't like Amoriartii. However all these people like me. This bothers me because Amoriartii and are basically the same person with 2 differences. They are perceived as white and I am black, and have chosen to always be authentic and I have chosen to hide. Amoriartii is Indigenous.

 I will not deny the color of our skin has played a huge role in the privilege we have access to in America. However, we think the same, have the same values, and come up with the same reasons. I know 100% that if I could pass as white male I would make the same choices that Amoriartii has made and they would make the same choices I have made being black AFAB (assigned female at birth). If we swapped bodies we could live each other's lives without anyone being the wiser. Not even the people closest to us would be able to tell the difference. The reason why people don't like Amoriartii is because they say things that only femmes and people of color are "allowed" to say our community. They want to be able to do everything they want to do without having to sacrifice and our community views that as an assertion of privilege. When really if they weren't white and perceived as male it would be fine. Amoriartii choose to be as honest about what they think as they are allowed to be. They normally lie because they have too (there are a few exceptions to this).And this is where we differ again. I will lie simply because I want to. It's easier for me. I would much rather pretend to be someone else than let you know who I am even a little. Amoriartii picks an authentic part of themselves and makes that all you see. I will refuse to speak because it scares me.  Amoriartii will speak even though it scares them too. They will flirt with who they want when they want regardless of what other people may think. I will only do it if I know it won't have any negative backlass. 

We are not together for a number of reasons but the reason we tell ourselves we're not together is because it would negatively impact both of us as professionals. It would be like if Malcolm X married a white women. The political atmosphere that Amoriartii aspires to is not one that I could be a part of or would want to be a part of. I very much hate the spotlight. And I would get as much attention as they would when they run for public office because I'm black and AFAB. I wouldn't get as much attention from the mainstream community but the queer community would want to interview me probably just as much as they want to interview Amoriartii. I never wanted to be professionally queer. I want to do "other" things and it would be an environment of conformity. One that Amoriartii wouldn't thrive in or enjoy either. We love each other too much to not want the other one to be 100% happy. We love each other too much to ask the other to sacrifice just so we could be together. So we both sacrificed each other and our happiness instead. 

When people tell me how much they don't like Amoriartii and the reason I always think to myself "well you really don't like me either." And if they do it's only because of how they perceive the oppression that I must have in my life.  X amount of oppression qualifies you for X amount of leeway/ whatever would normally make you a bad person otherwise. Sometimes it feels like if you're a poor, indigenous, trans femme, sex worker, undocumented, from a rural community, and is disabled in some visible way, the queer community would let you commit genocide. I understand why we don't hold each other to the same standards but we really should investigate more before setting that bar. I get the same pass that other poor black trans queer femmes get who are from the "hood". Went school in the suburbs. I went to the top five engineering University on the merits scholarship. I have never been hungry. I have always had all utilities on. I got my first computer when I was five. I had private horse riding lessons. I was a girl scout. I've been to every continent except Antarctica. I have no clue how food stamps work cuz no one in my family has ever had them since I've been alive. I was a sugar baby when I was in highschool but minus the sex. I am not the same as the rest of the community I get associated with. Yet my standard is said the same as there's. It's a problem. 

I am just tried of people treating us differently because the perceived oppression. When they need to lower Amoriartii's bar a bit and raise mine. I'm a Canadian penny and Amoriartii we are literally worth the same yet treated so differently.