I had a dream I got caught by Vendetta looking at her Facebook page and YouTube channel. Of course I've blocked her on Facebook but I can still see her professional page. In my dream her professional page sends me a message and a conversation ensues.
V: I can't believe you have the nerve to visit my page.
Me: I'll stop I'm sorry. Please feel free to block me. I deserve that.
V: Why would you even visit my page?
Me: Because it helps me heal.
V: Helps you heal!? Heal from what? You weren't the one hurt. You are the one who did the hurting.
Me: You're right I'll stop.
V: What could you possibly be healing from? I didn't do anything to you.
Me: My therapist suggested it. It's stupid I should have told her no.
V: No therapist was suggest that a predator watch videos of the people they hurt. You've got to be lying. I'm blocking you now.
Me: I'm not lying. But I'll still stop I'll have my therapist find something else.
V: No therapist would do that.
Me: I'm supposed to look at pictures or videos to prove you're alive. That's all.
V: Why would your therapist want to prove that I'm alive? So you can kill me? What the hell is going on?
Me: I wouldn't listen to reason. So to bring me back to reality she has to appeal to my crazy first.
V: What are you talking about? Are you using my videos as part of some sick fantasy?
Me: Noo. It's just to prove you alive. I'm not suppose to talk to you or anything. I should go.
V: You're not supposed to talk to me? Really? What lie did you tell your therapist?
Me: I didn't lie. Look, she has me do it to help me through my own stuff.
V: Like what? You're just full of shit.M
Me: She uses them to talk me down. But I feel really guilty and I go kind of hammarabi. An eye for an eye a life for a life.
V: You tried to kill yourself?
Me: Yeah. A lot actually. Dying is just so much easier. I'm sorry you don't need to know any of this. It's not that I'm not supposed to talk to you. It's that I feel even more guilty for telling you. I should go. I'll stop. I'll have my therapist find something else. I'm sorry
V: Wait I don't want you to die. But I still get why you're looking at my page?
Me: Well it's along the lines of an eye for an eye. If you're still alive and I should be too. That's all I guess.
V: So you watch my page just for confirmation that I'm alive?
Me: Yeah. I don't even read the content. I just check the time and date stamp.
V: I don't know. That's still really wired..
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