Skittle: my ex's

Would I date an ex?
No one before my sophomore year of college.
After that I would but someone would have to change.

For Cyborg I would have to give up my dream life and my soul mate.
Or Cyborg would have to learn and enjoy  polyamormy.

Amoriartii and I need to talk, trust, apologize, be brave and be honest.

I just want Amoriartii to  be healthy, be so happy it's centering, and loved deeply and completely. I want them to continue to grow. I want them to treat goal's like marathon ribbon run right past them. Over achieve! But also find that balance.

I have loved you since NYC it got real in Houston and we were in tears in Kansas City.
One love. You 2013-2018

If I could ask them any questions I would ask them |Do you love me?| |What type of love?|
|Are we good for each other?|
|Do we make each other happy?|
|Do you trust me?| |Do I trust you?|
|Do you want me to be in your life?|
|How so?| |How much?|
Starting over is full of crap. The crap follows you. A person just handles it better. I want to
Start communicating openly, no secret ulterior motives, and no lying. Share the plan, share the strategy, share the weapons. Then once it's all out we can talk. I want to apologize for hurting you because I'm putting myself first so don't notice your pain.

The situation would have to had been different with V. She would have to work  through her tramau. I would have to deal with mine. Go to therapy together make it work. We both wanted it to work.

I know I can never go back to V and she will never come back to me. I want her to be happy and I want all her wildest dreams to come true. I know she can't do that if I'm around. I need to leave her life for her to be happy. Yes it hurts. I wanted to hurt. I didn't think it would be fair for this to send her to hell in her head without pain on my part. She hurts because of me and I hurt because of me. I wanted her to kill me because I didn't want to live in a world where I hurt those closet to me. I know now that she will smile, love, live, and thrive if I just stay out of her world. She can't do that work while I'm trying to get her attention through acts of self pitty. I need to leave her alone. Stop online stalking. Stop following. Stop checking the guest list. I'm already dead to her I need to stop haunting her. I need to do the hard work. I need to heal myself. Get introspective. Don't live for her. Don't die for her. I have to take control of life.