Since the end of my relationship with Vendetta I've been avoiding music. She played several instruments, and music was a big part of our relationship. So I stopped listening to it. Music is how I cope and heal through. Its just generally a huge part of my life. Without it my life feels empty. I try to avoid the painful triggers that remind me of her and heal at the same time. I turned on a song "What Hurts the Most" Cascada's version. I was really vibing with the song becuase it so obviously fit what I was feeling. I kept listening to it on repeat then it hit me. This is the song I used to get over one of my grade school friend's suicide. We became friends in kindergarten. We loved being togther becuase my first name was her middle name. My middle name was was her first name. We where Daisies togther. Then she moved away, but she was coming back when we were in 5th grade. We promised to pick up where we left off when she came back. She came back different but we quickly got close quickly. She killed herself and family maybe a year after being back. I didn't try to stop her. I knew what she was going to do. I begged her not to leave me alone. She was in so much pain. I was not suprised when the told me. I was so mad that she left me. The song helped through. Now I feel all the hurt of losing her and Vendetta. Its too much. Trying not to get dragged down by V, I forgot about all the other musical traps. I miss them both. What hurts the most is being so close to my dasiy and being unable to save her. What hurst the most is being so close to having long term love with V and losing it all in the blink of an eye.
No comments:
Post a Comment